


The Act of Control

by Phandiction



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexuality, Brief mentions of suicide, But also, Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Homelessness, Kidnapping, Light Smut, Making Out, Minor Character Death, a little bit of, if that makes any sense, lying, protector!Phil, rough smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-21 23:30:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 46,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13751478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phandiction/pseuds/Phandiction
Summary: Dan gets to know their newest victim, Phil Lester, just like he had with every other victim. Only this time things are different."Pay attention to his hobbies. Also, he does video blogging. I’d familiarize yourself with that. Phil is a helpful, kind person. Doesn’t want to see anyone get hurt right? So tomorrow, you’re going to be walking down a London street that we know Phil will be passing by tomorrow and well, someone is going to hurt you.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! So excited to post this! It's always fun posting the first chapter :D I am horrible with summaries so if anyone wants to help me that...that'd be great lol. Thanks for clicking! Comments would be greatly appreciated

It was the lanky, black haired mans need for love and acceptance that made lying to him so effortless. Looking at the papers, it seemed Phil would be one of the easiest victims Dan brought in. The quality of his that had been noted early in the plan ultimately lead to his abduction however was his kindness. The notes Dan had said everything he would need to know about their victim, Harvey’s victim. Dan played along but they were all Harvey’s plans.

Phil’s profile stated everything they knew about him.

Age: 23 years old

Biological Father: Crayton Lester

Step-Father: Owen Roy

Mother: Deceased

Hobbies: Video games, baking, reading, animals

Career: Video Blogger

Other Notes: Phil’s tendency toward being bisexual have been expressed only to his closest friends. It is likely his mother never knew of his preferences. Phil is not currently seeing anyone romantically. His last known relationship was one year ago with a man named Allen. The relationship ended abruptly when Phil refused to tell his family about Allen. At this time Phil seems hesitant to be in a relationship. It has been ten years since he last heard from his biological father and we chose not to use our resources to find Crayton at this time. Upon observation it appears Phil and Owen have a distant relationship. Phil is soft spoken, sensitive and always looking to help others.

Assignment: Our source tells us that Owen has given his step son five hundred thousand pounds to use in whichever way he likes toward starting up his own business. The money is being kept in a safe somewhere in the estate, possibly even Phil Lester’s bedroom. Security around the home is constant.

 

The notes continued but Dan hadn’t really taken anything in after reading “ _At this time Phil seems hesitant to be in a relationship_ ”. He scoffed and dropped his arm to his side. The paper scrunched in his hand. He gave the two men before him a look of disgust. Their large frames lay lounging on the old dirty sofa. Dean, the smaller of the two raised an eyebrow at him.

“Problem Princess?”

Dan hated when he called him that. They were referring to the fact that all Dan had to do was whatever their boss told him to and therefore he really didn’t deserve the pay and superiority he got. It wasn’t true of course. Dan worked hard for his money. More than anyone else even he figured. He was in the field, he was the one bringing in their victims. He’d like to see them be expected to make whoever Harvey picked deem them as trustworthy so that Dan could get any information he wanted from them. Harvey wasn’t technically Dan’s father but he’d been practically raised by him. He was more of a mentor perhaps.

“Yeah, a few actually.” Dan said matter of fact.

“Of course.” Lyle contributed with a roll of his eyes.

“Firstly, this guy is bisexual and I’m a guy. A s _traight_ guy. Second, it says right here that he’s not ready to be in a relationship just yet! Clearly then, you must mean for me to befriend him, correct? As in, _friend_.”

Dean shrugged. “Don’t look at me. I just do the research and write the notes. Harvey still wants to see this through. You’re going to have to take it up with the boss.”

“Take what up with the boss?” Dan turned as the man walked into the room, snuffing a cigarette out on the wall.

“This!” Dan waved the paper in the air.

“What’s wrong with it?” Harvey asked.

“Phil’s not ready to be in a relationship, Dean said so himself in the notes.”

“Yeah, so? You’re good at your job. Make him fall in love with you.” Harvey didn’t seem the least bit bothered by this conversation.

“It doesn’t work like that. The person still has to be a willing party.” Dan insisted. Harvey finally lifted his head and made lazy eye contact. “You’re irresistible. His mind will tell him no but his heart will demand to follow you around like a puppy dog and people always listen to their heart in the long run. You know how to work people Dan, don’t act like this is impossible. It’s the least of my worries.”

Dan knew he was right. Not that he thought he was irresistible, that was ridiculous. If Dan was just being himself, he would never get a girl to look at him the way they did when he was putting on his act. That was just it though, he knew how to act, how to manipulate and draw out people’s real feelings.

“Then why don’t you just abduct him like everyone else and demand him to tell you where the money is?”

“Dan, you must know by now that we do our research. If it was that simply, I would do it. However, in this case we are going to have to be a bit slyer. We don’t exactly have an intimidating number of employees.” He gestured to the two on the couch. “Roy’s estate is very secure. Lyle may be good with computers but he can’t sneak us in there. You’re the best option here.”

“Okay. Fine. There is still another problem.” Dan added. Harvey gestured for him to speak. “I’m not gay!” He shouted.

Harvey sighed and patted him on the back. “Maybe not but I have faith in your acting ability. Dean has come up with a plan, everything will work out just like every other time.” With that he walked out of the room, pulling out his cigarettes as he went. Dan heard snickering behind him and glared at the two men.

“What?” Dan said bitterly.

“Yeah, right, he’s going to have to _pretend_ huh Lyle?” Dean snickered and elbowed his coworker.

“What are you two on about?”

Lyle shook his head. He usually stayed out of Dean’s jokes but apparently not this time. “You really are a good actor.”

“I am not acting! I am not gay!” Dan was getting louder with each word which made Dean laugh harder. He wiped the wetness from his eyes and waved him off.

“It’s fine Dan, really. You should stop denying it though. I mean, we all remember Sean.” Lyle said.

Dan was surprised when a bolt of heat shot up from his toes and burned his cheeks at the name. He couldn’t stop himself in time from looking away in embarrassment. Lyle gave him a knowing glance and stood. The man gave him a gentle slap on the back on the way to the dark kitchen. “Like I said, it’s okay Dan.”

Nothing more was said after that. Sean was one of those things no one brought up. It was a failure on Harvey’s part and he hated being reminded of failures. And it was a sore spot for Dan. Sean had been abducted, same as many others for a ransom except by the time the boy had been brought in by Harvey’s men Dan was second guessing how he could feel towards other boys. He was younger then, fourteen or so. Harvey had put him into a school and instructed him to befriend this blond-haired boy in his class. Dan had. It had been easy because they got along so well. Acting wasn’t required. Dan realized that he was having the same thoughts toward Sean as he had for some girls in school. Before he could properly put much thought into it though, Harvey had kidnapped Sean and put out the call for ransom money. At the time, Harvey was keeping ransom victims in a large house. The day after Sean had been taken and locked into a room Dan snuck down the halls late at night and opened the door. Sean’s face had turned red with anger and hurt at seeing Dan. Dan had cried and told him he was sorry, that he only did what his father asked because it’s what he’d always done, and he didn’t know that they’d actually become friends. Everything only made Sean angrier though. The boy hit Dan and pushed him out of the room yelling and screaming. Dan hadn’t tried to see him again. Before he knew it, the parents had paid his ransom and Sean had been returned home. Dan hadn’t allowed himself to think of Sean extensively since then. Everyone had known that Dan’s feelings for that boy had run deeper than friendship. They had all allowed Dan to work through it though by not saying anything. Until now anyway.

Dan shoved the thoughts away and focused on his newest assignment. “Alright Dean, what’s the plan then?”

“Right, well, first off you need to study up. Pay attention to his hobbies. Also, he does video blogging. I’d familiarize yourself with that. Phil is a helpful, kind person. Doesn’t want to see anyone get hurt right? So tomorrow, you’re going to be walking down a London street that we know Phil will be passing by tomorrow and well, someone is going to hurt you.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan meets his victim

Dan didn’t the know the man that attacked him. What he did know is that being dragged into a dark London alleyway and punched in the gut and face a couple of times was painful whether you were expecting it or not. He felt the blood vessels around his eyes explode and knew he was going to have some serious bruising. Then he laughed to himself because Lyle and Dean couldn’t do this to him, that’s why they’d hired some stranger. He made a mental note to make fun of them for their weakness later.

Dan was pushed against a brick building and for a moment he forgot why this was happening in the first place. He really had been hit hard.

“Hey! Hey you!”

Dan heard someone yelling from far away. The stranger was reaching into his back pocket and grabbing ‘his’ wallet. Right! The wallet wasn’t _his_. It was staged. This was all staged. Why couldn’t Dan see anything? His eyes were closed. When did he close his eyes? Dan forced his lids to open and saw a blurry vision of a familiar face pulling at the stranger. The mugger pushed the person off and ran off with Dan’s ‘wallet.’ When Dan closed his eyes again his head was throbbing. At some point he’d slid down the wall to the cold concrete. The ground was wet. Had it been raining?

“That’s not yours!” The voice was yelling and cursing under his breath. Dan heard shoes running away from him but returning only a few seconds later. He felt someone kneel beside him and opened his eyes again. Phil sat there in front of him looking worried and unsure.

“Hey, it’s okay. He’s gone but he took your wallet. I was going to go after him but…hey are you okay?” The man asked. Dan did not feel okay. He felt like he was going to pass out any second and he wished he would. “Don’t move okay? I don’t think you’re supposed to move. You probably have a concussion.” Dan attempted a nod but his head protested and he winced. “You understand me, so that’s a good thing.” Phil laughed. His expression quickly changed back to worry though. The man looked around for a moment before sitting on the ground in front of Dan and pulling his hoody up. He reached out for Dan, taking hold of his arm with one hand and the back of his neck with the other. For a moment Dan was pulled away from the wall.

“I’m just pulling your hood up so you don’t get soaked.” Phil explained. Dan slowly felt like his head was clearing. _Thanks a lot Harvey_ , he thought. _This is so much fun_ , _I love my job so much_. Dan discovered that his clothes were already drenched and he was beginning to shiver. Great, now he was going to die. _Have fun finding another bait boy!_

“Oh boy. You’re going to get sick out here. Should I call an ambulance?” Phil seemed to be talking to himself, but Dan shook his head anyway.

“No. Just need to sit for a little longer.”

Phil’s eyes widened. “Oh! Good, you can talk now. Here, let’s try getting you to your feet.” He stood and took hold of Dan’s arm again, pulling gently and preparing to stabilize him with a shoulder. Dan went along with it, letting himself be guided to his feet and leaning against Phil’s shoulder. His head swam and he ducked it instinctively when a pain shredded his skull. “There we go. Just stay here for a moment.”

People walked by them obliviously. Every once in a while, someone would risk a glance of curiosity but typical London, they were mostly ignored. Phil pulled out his cell phone and was dialing a number. Dan tried to stop him, tried to tell him he was fine. Phil gently pushed his hand away. “It’s okay, let me help you.” Well at least Dean hadn’t been wrong with his information, not that he ever was.

“Hi, Grace, long story but could you please come pick me up? No I’m fine but some poor guy just got mugged and needs some help. His head got bashed pretty good. Yeah that’s fine, just come quickly okay?” Phil gave him the street names they were near and then guided Dan to lean against the nearest shop wall. “A friend of mine is going to pick us up and take you to my house okay? It’s right around the corner but I don’t think you should walk more than you have to.”

Dan reminded himself to play his part. He had been confused before on how to go about this assignment and after getting his head knocked around he didn’t feel any more sure of what to do. He had to do something though. He decided the best thing right now was to do what anyone would do.

“Really I’m okay. I’m feeling better every minute. I’m just glad you stepped in. Sorry to have messed up your day. You’ve done enough, just go.”

“There’s no way I’m leaving you here for another jerk to come along and do the same thing. And you didn’t ruin my day. I was just going to get a coffee.”

“They would realize pretty quick that I didn’t have anything left to take.” Dan snorted.

“Exactly, and then they’d just beat you up for being useless.”

“Thanks.” Dan chuckled.

“Poor use of words. Sorry.” Dan saw a blush come over Phil’s cheeks and couldn’t help but smile a little. Could this act be working already? Maybe this would be an easy job after all.

“That’s alright. Useless is exactly how I feel right now.”

“Here’s Grace!” Phil waved his hand and a white Sedan pulled up beside them. A woman with a messy blond bun got out of the car and scrunched her eyebrows at Dan.

“Oh wow.” She mumbled and grabbed his other arm to help him to the car. “He’s pretty messed up.”

Dan was about to say that he really wasn’t that bad when he decided to play the weakling card a little longer. He let his legs collapse under him, forcing Phil to quickly readjust his hold and practically carry him to the car and into the seat. “And you wanted to stand out there and let me just walk away.”

“Okay, misjudgment on my part. But I would have figured something out.” Dan said as Phil slid into the seat behind him. Grace got in the front seat and turned in her seat to look at them.

“The hospital then Phillip?”

Phil looked at him debating. “No that’s okay. I think it would be fine to just take him back to my house for now.” The man looked concerningly at Dan, tilting his head. “My name is Phil by the way, what’s yours?”

“It’s Dan. Nice to meet you Phil.” Dan had to grab his head as a pain burst through it.

“No more talking for now. We’ll be there in just a minute.”

For the next few minutes the two remained silent. Dan was uncertain about what to do next. What should he say? More importantly what did Phil _want_ him to say? It wasn’t that the man was hard to read. In fact, he was an open book. His worry for Dan and general love of people was written all over his face. He nodded kindly to Grace when she asked questions and kept checking on Dan with short glances and smiles. His stance was confident while his eyes and facial expressions remained relaxed and caring. This assignment was going to be far different then his others for sure. Most women responded to the same things. It was easy to make them feel protected and safe. Even the ones with no self confidence could think of themselves as pretty if you told them that they were enough times. Besides all that every other women Dan had manipulated had been looking for a relationship. According to Dean’s notes, Phil wasn’t looking for anyone. He appeared happy the way he was. Even now Dan could see the contentment on his face.

What was Dan supposed to do? Tell him he was pretty? It didn’t seem like the right thing. He was so unprepared for this. He should have done more research. What about though? How to make a guy like you? Well…yeah…that’s exactly what he should have done. Google would certainly have more ideas than he did. Dean might have had the right plan to get Phil’s attention. Using his kindness against him is brilliant but Dan couldn’t help but wonder if it would back fire for them later. How was Dan supposed to make Phil feel “protected” after _he_ had been the one saved? Dan was clueless. If he could just make it through the day, then tonight when he got back home he could do research. It’s not as if he could completely ruin this by then right? And since when had he gotten so unsure of himself?

“We’re here.” Phil announced and promptly opened the door. Dan slid over and Phil reached out a hand. At first Dan was going to refuse it. Taking another mans hand? Still, he smiled at Phil and took the offered hand. He mumbled a thanks at he was gently pulled to his feet. He also couldn’t overplay this though. When he was standing he released Phil’s hand.

“I think I can make it to the door myself.” He said, adding embarrassment to his tone. Phil gestured him forward. It was so strange to have someone doing the things for him that he usually did for others. Dan had always been the one to open doors, take hands, and nod politely. He had to switch that around quick. There was no way he was going to taken care of like this.

In Dan’s line of work he had seen many unbelievable homes. Otherwise how would the parents pay the ransom required to get their children back? Phil’s was no exception. Rounded drive through, pillared entry with marble stairs, and large doubled doors that were already being held open for his arrival by a security guard. He knew the average person did not see this everyday and he had to act impressed if Phil wasn’t going think of him as being weird or even start suspecting.

Dan stopped to look up at the house. “Whoa.” He said simply. Phil scratched at his neck awkwardly.

“Yeah…my dad makes good money.” He said shyly.

“You think? Now I feel even worse. You shouldn’t have saved me. Why would you save me?” Dan put on his humble, peasant expressions. “I shouldn’t be here. You shouldn’t have brought me here. I’m very sorry.” Dan turned and started to walk away. He had to actually try his best not to duck his head when the sharp pain returned so not all of it was an act. “I’m sure you have lots of important things to do. I’m so so sorry. I’m fine, really I am.”

Dan made it a good few feet away before a hand reached out and grabbed his shoulder. He bunched his shoulders, pushing the hand off and tried to keep going.

“Dan wait. What do you mean I shouldn’t have saved you? Anyone would have if they’d seen you attacked.” Dan could hear the hurt in Phil’s voice at the accusations and actually felt guilty. The hand grabbed him again and held on tight. Dan stopped and rubbed at his forearm.

“You don’t understand.” Dan insisted, preparing to tell his ‘story’. Although most of it wasn’t much of a lie.

“There’s nothing to understand. You needed help. I happened to be there to help. You still need help. Look, inside we have a nurse that can look you over. I think it’s important for you to be looked at least okay? Just come in and let her look at you.”

Dan shook his head but turned to face the man. He reached up and touched his own bruising eye and winced. “Just to look?”

“Just to look.” Phil assured and smiled at him. Now wasn’t quite the time to tell his story. He’d have to wait.

“Okay.” Dan agreed and followed Phil to the front door where Grace and a woman wearing scrubs were waiting.

“Thanks for calling ahead Grace.” The woman nodded and her heels clicked down the hallway until Dan could no longer see her. He gazed up at the chandelier above him, his head immediately swimming and making his vision dapple with black spots. He didn’t realize he had swayed until Phil settled him with a firm hold. Dan huffed bashfully and Phil raised his brows.

The nurse stepped forward. “My name is Lilly. Grace explained to me what happened. I’m very sorry. People can be horrible sometimes can’t they?” Pity shown in her eyes.

“They certainly can.” Phil answered for him. “I don’t know what happened before I got there but I saw him get punched in the face twice. I think he has a concussion.”

“Okay we’ll check for that first. Can you come sit down over here?” She led him to the winding staircase and he sat on the third step and began inspecting his bruises and starring into his pupils. “Did you black out?”

“Yes, I believe so but not for very long. Maybe a few seconds.”

“Do you remember what happened to you and why you blacked out?”

“Yes, I was mugged. He hit me a few times and took my wallet.” The nurse went through a list of symptoms, most of which Dan experienced in one way or another in the last thirty minutes.

“I’d say you were right Phil. He likely has a mild concussion. Nothing you should be too concerned with. You’ll have a headache for a few days, sensitive to light, maybe feel confused or have a hard time sleeping but it’ll be gone soon. The physical part anyway. That’s very unfortunate about your wallet though. Here’s a pain reliever.” She handed him a small blue pill which he swallowed immediately and leaned against the railing beside him. He was exhausted now.

“Thank you.” He mumbled.

“You’re welcome. Get home safe okay?”

Dan nodded but closed his eyes. He heard the woman’s footsteps click away and Phil sat beside him on the stairs. He sighed because he knew he had to get up and go home now. Sure, Deans plan worked but Dan was still going to give him a piece of his mind about his choice in paid thugs.

“He didn’t take your phone did he?” Phil asked.

“No, thankfully no. I can call a friend to pick me up down the street.”

“I’d like to compensate you for whatever cash you had in your wallet Dan.” Phil said it quietly, as if he knew Dan would object.

Dan snorted. “Well, you can’t give me my I.D. or Oyster Card so too bad.”

“What about cash?”

Dan opened his eyes and looked at him. “If you _really_ want to compensate me for three pounds then go for it.”

Phil bowed his head and smiled, rubbing his thumbs together anxiously. “I still can’t believe he got away with what he did. At least that’s all he gets in return.”

“Yeah. See? You didn’t need to help me after all.” Dan smiled and Phil rolled his eyes.

“You’re stubborn aren’t you?”

Dan suddenly got an idea of how he could keep this going. He raised his head and looked Phil bravely in the eyes. The man’s eyes widened at Dan’s sudden awareness but didn’t say anything. “I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done but I do want to thank you in some way.” He let his eyes flicker shyly to the ground and pulled himself in tighter. “How about I take you out for coffee?” His voice squeaked a little which added the perfect amount of uncertainty that would surely make Phil want to say yes. In fact, he couldn’t say no because saying no would be mean and Phil couldn’t be mean.

Dan’s eyes flickered up to Phil’s trying to gage what was going through his mind. The man stayed quiet for several seconds. His mouth opened to say something and then shut again. Dan swallowed. Maybe Phil was attracted to him. He didn’t know what this strangers type was. Maybe he had been playing this wrong the whole time. He’d messed up. His heart flipped and he pulled himself to his feet.

“I’m sorry. That was very rude and direct of me. I’m not even…I shouldn’t have assumed…I’m just very sorry. I’ll leave now. Thank you so much for everything.” Dan made his way as quickly to the door as possible.

“Hold on.”

Dan’s heart flipped again. _Yes, yes!_ He hadn’t failed after all.

“I think…” There was hesitation in his words. “I think that would be nice.” He sighed as if it had taken everything in his power to say those words. Maybe it had. Maybe he wasn’t over Allen yet and was unsure about starting something again.

Dan lifted his head, his eyes sparkling. “Really?”

Seeing the relief in Dan’s eyes made Phil smile. “Yeah, I would enjoy that.”

Finally, Dan felt in control of the situation. Things would only go according his plan from here on out. He’d asked for the date, he decided what they were doing, and now he would choose when and where. This is the way things should be. “Okay then. Tomorrow morning at Café Nero, right down the street from here. Ten O’clock and it’s on me.”

Phil smiled. “See you then. “

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter up! Whew! Those are always the hardest for me lol. Comments are always appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nooow we start getting into the real story

As soon as Dan had shut the front door he called Lyle to come pick him up. As usual they had been following him since the beginning and were just around the corner. Dan got into the back seat and leaned forward between the front seats.

“You guys,” he pointed between Dean and Lyle, “you’re jerks. That idiot gave me a concussion.”

“Looks like he got rid of your pretty face too.” Dean laughed hysterically.

“Jerks.” Dan mumbled again and leaned against the window to close his eyes.

“What took you so long in there? We didn’t expect him to take you home already.” Dean said suggestively. “Did you ‘pay him back’ for all his help?”

“Oh shut up.” Dan didn’t bother moving, just scrunched his brows in irritation.

“Don’t rile him up Dean.” Lyle said from the drivers seat.

“Me? Look at his little blushing cheeks. Looks like Mr. Lester already riled him up.” The man chuckled and if Dan hadn’t been wanting to bang his throbbing head against the wall he’d punch him i the face.

“Really though, how’d it go? You sure you okay?” Lyle asked.

“I’m fine. Just going to have a head ache for a few days. Got a date set up for tomorrow morning.”

“Seriously?” Dean said in surprise. “You really are as irresistible as your father claims, even with that purple puffy face.”

“You betcha.” Dan grumbled, desperately wanting to just sleep. He didn’t want to admit that at first he hadn’t thought Phil was going to take the bait. He still had his doubts. Tomorrow would answer a lot of questions. For now though, sleep.

 

“Good job Dan, good job.” Harvey praised as Dan poured a bowl of cereal. He’d just finished explaining that he was going out with Phil this morning. “It’s a date. You’ll be in Owens office in no time.”

“I wouldn’t quite call a date. He was hesitant.”

“But you knew how to draw him in. That’s my boy. That’s how I raised you.”

Dan scrunched his eyebrows. He never quite understood Harvey’s ‘parenting’ methods. He didn’t imagine most parents praised their children for being manipulative. He hadn’t been raised like most kids though had he now.

“All that’s left to do is play on his fantasies a bit. Be that dream boy he’s always wanted but never thought existed.” Harvey shook a finger at him and straightened his expression. “He needs to trust you.” He said this every time, as if Dan didn’t realize that this entire charade’s intent was to get their victims to trust them. Always had been.

“I know.” Dan grumbled.

Dean walked into the kitchen, belching loudly. Dan crinkled his nose in disgust. “Speaking of being Phil’s dream date I think Dan here needs a lesson.”

He had no idea where Dean was going with this and he was already irritated with his choice of words. “What could you possibly mean by that?”

“You’ve never had to bring in a man before.”

“Thanks, I’m aware that this situation is different.” Dan rolled his eyes.

“Let me finish Daniel.” Dean cleared his throat. “Like I was saying, you’ve always had a way with the ladies right? But Phil will be different. You can’t woo him like those girls.” Dan knew this. It was one reason he had his doubts about this whole thing. “I know you Dan. You’ve had to be more a take charge person because that’s what women like right? But not Phil, no no. You can’t do that with him.”

“What are you getting at Dean? You’re making no sense.”

“What I’m trying to say is you need to let him lead.”

Dan raised an eyebrow and took a seat at the wooden dining table. “What?”

“See! You didn’t think about that did you now? Phil’s a man Dan. He’s older than you by a few years, he has more experience. He’s not going to want some little pretty punk telling him where to go, how to do it. You can’t be opening doors for him and stuff. He needs to it. He w _ants_ to do it.”

“You’re saying I have to act helpless?”

“No. You just need to get more in touch with your feminine side.”

Dan scoffed but Harvey spoke up. “I think he’s right. Phil may be all heart but he stepped in to save you because he’s not afraid to take charge. That says something. I think you need to try Dean’s suggestion.”

_Well isn’t that just fantastic,_ Dan thought. Now his entire plan was moved around again. They needed to just let him work. “Yeah, alright, I got it.” Dan replied just to make them happy. He would stick to his ideas though. _He’s_ the one who’d convinced this content ‘man’ to get coffee with him, not Harvey or Dean.

“We better go or you’re going to be late!” Dean clapped his hands excitedly. “I’ll get Lyle.”

 

Lyle and Dean dropped Dan off a couple blocks from the coffee shop. He walked with his hands in his pocket and his hoody up. It was a frigid day. Winter had only just started. Stupid London cold. It even looked like it was going to rain again. Dan hesitated outside of Nero’s. He’d never felt these kind of nerves for an assignment. He could usually count on his acting ability to kick in but he still was unsure about how he should act so there was nothing to lean on.

“Are you going in or are you just going to stand out here and freeze?”

Dan whipped around and found himself standing in front of Phil. “Oh, hi.” He said tentatively. He had planned to get here early so he had a chance to sit down and focus for a moment. Now he really had to wing it.

Phil smiled at him, his confidence seemingly overflowing compared to Dan’s weak response. “Hi Dan. Shall we?” He gestured toward the door and Dan nodded silently. He reached for the door just as Phil did and the man laughed lightly. “Here, I got it.” He said. Dan found himself releasing the door and letting Phil hold it open. What the fuck? What was he doing? He was messing everything up. The longer he let Phil lead the weirder it would seem when Dan finally acted like himself.

“Thanks.” Dan mumbled and awkwardly stepped into the warmth. The smell of coffee and sugar wafted to him. Phil took a deep breath beside him. He closed his eyes and smiled.

“I really, really love coffee.”

Dan smiled. “I guess I took you to the right place then didn’t I? Well, go ahead and order. It’s on me.” He nodded Phil forward, trying desperately to take control. Phil complied, stepping up to the barista and ordering his drink. “And I’ll have a Caramel Macchiato.” Dan said once Phil had finished.

“Caramel Macchiato huh?” Phil questioned as they stepped to side and waited for their drinks. “Is that your regular?”

“Yeah I guess so.” _Yeah I guess so? Oh great job at small talk Dan, your really going to catch his attention with that._ “How about you? What’s your usual?”

Phil gave him a knowing smile. The bastard _knew_. He _knew_ Dan was nervous. _He probably thinks he knows why too_ , Dan thought sarcastically to himself.

“If it’s later in the day a hot chocolate is nice but a morning like this I like cream and sugar and a little bit of coffee. Kind of boring I know.”

Dan laughed. “Not boring, no. Just funny. Sounds like something a ten-year-old would order.” Ouch. He didn’t mean for that to sound so harsh. “That sounded way harsher than I meant it to.” He scratched anxiously at his neck. Oh God he was really fucking this up.

Phil grinned. “You’re fine Dan.”

_Oh great, now he has to reassure you._ Dan was hating himself more and more as the minutes passed. The barista called his name and Phil stepped forward to grab their coffees, handing Dan his drink.

“How about in that corner?” Phil pointed to two empty seats and a table beside a window.

“Sure.” Dan replied. They sat at the table and Dan gazed for a few seconds out the window, attempting to look occupied and not at all like he was trying to think of things to say.

“How is your head today?” Phil asked, pulling Dan was his thoughts.

“Oh, uh, good. Better, I think. I had to take something for the pain, but it could be worse.”

“The nurse did say it would take a few days so that’s not surprising. Were you shocked when you looked in the mirror?” Phil smiled amusingly.

“A little. I still think it looks worse than it feels. Now anyway. It hurt pretty bad when he actually hit me.”

“I imagine so. You don’t look like the kind that’s had a fist to his face too often.”

“Yeah…no, not really. Maybe by a bully or two in school but that’s been a while.”

“How old are you anyway?” Phil inquired. He didn’t sound nosy or rude asking, just curious.

“I know I probably look about seventeen but I’m twenty, I promise.”

Phil shook his head. “You don’t look seventeen. I wouldn’t have come to have coffee with you if I thought you were seventeen.”

“That makes sense.” Dan laughed stiffly. He liked that he could look younger when he wanted to but also his actual age when he needed to. It was a very, very good thing that Phil saw him as an adult.

“You really didn’t have to do this though.” Phil said, his voice dropping guiltily.

“I know I didn’t have to, but I really wanted to. I can’t thank you enough. You might’ve even saved my life.” Dan assured him.

“I doubt that. At least I hope that wasn’t his intent. Damn I wish I would’ve caught him.” Phil seemed to speak the last sentence to himself so Dan didn’t answer. What should he say next though? Should he continue with the small talk? Should he be direct? Should he shut up and let Phil make the conversations? None of those options seemed right. Why weren’t his instincts kicking in? Normally he’d know exactly what was happening but as of right now he was lost. Maybe he could try flirting a little. That would give him the answers he needed pretty quick.

“I really am glad you agreed to come. I didn’t think you were going to…” Dan kept his eyes lowered and played with the handle on his cup. When there was no response he looked up. Phil was giving him this look that he couldn’t interpret and it made Dan shift in his seat.

“Dan,” Phil said calmly. Dan swallowed. “Why did you ask me to come? I don’t think it was just to thank me.”

Dan opened his mouth, but he didn’t have an answer. “I…well…see…I…” He stumbled over every word. His heart raced. He was going to lose him. He was going to fail. Dean would say that Dan should’ve listened more closely to his advice. Harvey would be pissed. Dan had never failed an assignment before.

“Dan.” Phil repeated. Dan stopped grasping for words. “Are you interested in me? Are you gay?”

Heat erupted to Dan’s cheeks. How was he supposed to answer that? Was it obvious that he wasn’t? Was it obvious that he _was_? What was Phil thinking? What did he want Dan to be? He needed to say something. He couldn’t just sit here staring at the man with a red face and wide eyes. “Um, I…I don’t know.” Okay, so maybe his answer wasn’t the most appropriate. He clearly didn’t think this through. After a few awkward seconds he let out a sigh. “I’m sorry. I just don’t know. I wanted to thank you, I did. But also…maybe…”

“It’s okay Dan. I understand.” Phil reached out and grazed his fingers over Dan’s wrist for a moment. “I’m the one that should apologize. I shouldn’t have been so forth right. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pressure you, especially since you’re unsure.” Dan could hear the honesty in Phil’s tone. He knew he should make eye contact with Phil but he couldn’t take his eyes off the finger on his wrist. It was over his jacket’s sleeve and he couldn’t technically feel it and yet it was a burning his flesh. “I mean it Dan, I’m sorry.”

Finally Dan looked up, swallowing and meeting Phil’s eyes. “It’s okay. I shouldn’t have asked you here without knowing my own intentions.”

Phil retracted his hand. “No, I’m glad you did. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m okay, I really am.”

Suddenly Phil was standing. Panic shot up Dan’s spine. He was going to leave. This was not okay. He had to do something before it was too late.

“It was nice seeing you. Thank you for the coffee.”

Dan stood abruptly, almost knocking over his coffee. Phil extended his hand and Dan shook it awkwardly. As soon as he let go Phil was walking away. “Wait, Phil, wait, please.” Phil stopped and turned. He waited for Dan to say something. “Um, would you…could we see each other again?” Dan wasn’t acting right now. He didn’t why these words were coming out of his mouth. He needed to but there was something else. Phil intrigued him. He really did want to see him again. “Maybe go to a movie?” Now that was definitely direct. Movies were definite dating material. He was probably being too pushy. Phil wouldn’t appreciate that. He waited in agony for a response. Phil pursed his lips and tapped on his cup.

“Okay. We can see each other again.” Dan sighed in relief. “But not a movie. Movies are boring. How about we met at The Broadwalk Cafe near Kensington Palace. You know where that’s at?”

“Y-yeah, I do.”

Phil smiled. “Great. Monday at 1:00. I’ll see you there.” With that he walked away, this time for good.

Dan had never been left completely speechless but here he was, unable to move or speak or do anything. Finally his phone rang. It was Lyle. He answered.

“Well what are you waiting for? We saw him walk out. Get in here and tell us what happened.”

Dan wasn’t entirely sure what happened or what to tell them but at least he had another date set up. When he got in the back seat of Lyles car he collapsed, huffing out a breath of air. The two men turned in their seats. “So?” They asked.

Dan gave them a thumb up. “Date for Monday.” Lyle lifted his eyebrows and Dean grinned.

“So did you take my advice?”

“What? You mean your ridiculous suggestion of letting him do everything for me? Of course not.” Dan said smugly. He couldn’t admit that he was still very confused as to anything that happened in Nero’s. “What matters is I’m seeing him again.” He said mostly to himself.

 

Normally once Dan had stepped away from their future victim he just went back to his real life. Video games, scrolling through the internet, eating. The person would simply disappear from his thoughts until he was ‘clocked in’ again. It was not the same with Phil. He couldn’t get the stupid image of the man out of his mind. He kept finding himself in the middle of doing something and suddenly he was frozen in thought. He thought of the difference between the first day Phil had met him. When he was protective and caring. And then the next day when he was sure of himself and sent Dan’s brain into a flustered mess. He hadn’t really said anything shocking or obscene or unexpected so why had Dan reacted the way he did? God his thoughts were annoying him. He purposely set down his PlayStation controller and sat back against his bedframe. He groaned and rubbed at his face. He needed to get his head back into the assignment, not the person.

He grabbed Phil’s notes from his bedside table and scanned over them. He’d been over them a million times but one thing he’d never keyed in on is Phil’s job as a video blogger. Dan opened his laptop and went to YouTube, typing in Phil Lester just to see what would come up. Instantly a younger, slightly crazed version of Phil popped up under a channel known as AmazingPhil.

Dan snorted when he read the name and saw the picture. He knew who AmazingPhil was. How had this not clicked? It had been years since he’d watched his videos and even though the picture was obviously Phil, he’d certainly matured. Dan scrolled through the dozens of videos until he came to a few that he actually recognized, the apparent beginning of this internet celebrities rise to fame. Did Harvey realize the popularity of this man? Would he be attempting this robbery if he knew that his victim had millions of subscribers? Surely he’d been briefed. With this additional information the entire mission was sounding less likely to be a success. No wonder Phil was so hesitant to trust anyone. It was shocking that Dan had gotten as far as he had. He probably thought Dan was some stalker. How was he supposed to clear the air on that one? Dan groaned at the thought of yet another added difficulty. Well, at least he had a plethora of videos to distract him for the time being. It would be educational for the assignment as well as mind numbing.


	4. Chapter 4

“Ready princess?” Dean waggled his eyebrows and Dan scrunched his in disgust as the car was put abruptly into park.

“That is so disturbing, you have no idea. Stop calling me that.”

“Better get used to it if this guy’s gonna take you home. He’ll probably want to call a pretty boy like you princess or baby girl.” Dean laughed hysterically at his own joke.

Dan closed his eyes and sighed in annoyance. “I think I’m going to request Lyle to be the only one that drops me off for my dates for now on.”

Dean was anything but bothered by the threat. “I thought you would’ve done that a long time ago actually.  Boss had stuff for Lyle to do today though. You’re stuck with me.”

Dan opened the door and slammed it shut. Dean immediately took off and Dan shot him the middle finger. He knew he probably couldn’t see it but it was more for Dan than the twat anyway.

Finally alone, Dan took in a few deep breaths to prepare himself as he walked down the wide busy path to the café. He stuffed his hands in his pockets to protect them from the bitter cold and watched his breath evaporate. Maybe going to an outdoor café in October wasn’t the best of Phil’s plans but at least it hadn’t started raining today.

It was a short walk to the café and Dan spotted Phil leaning against a tree with his arms crossed as soon as the small building and benches were in site. He sighed in relief. After learning of Phil’s popularity, he wondered if the man would show up today at all. It wouldn’t have surprised him if he hadn’t. Dan _was_ a stalker in a sense, just not the kind that Phil would expect.

Phil stood away from the tree and waved. Dan smiled at him as he approached.

“Hey.” He said simply, bunching his shoulders up to keep his ears warm.

“Hey.” Phil smiled and stopped in front him. He made no move for a hug or even a handshake so Dan didn’t either. “Cold?”

“Uh, yeah, a little bit. Why did you think this was a clever idea anyway?”

“What are you talking about? This is one of my favorite things!” Phil exclaimed, happily throwing his hands in the air.

“Right well, I’m getting something warm.”

“What? No!” Phil interjected.

“No?” Dan snorted.

“Come on.” Phil jerked his head toward the counter. “I invited you here for ice cream.”

“I’m going to actually freeze.” Dan said, not really joking either.

“Trust me. I know the perfect mixture. You like coffee?”

“I prefer hot chocolate actually.”

Phil stopped abruptly and spun to his side to face Dan. Dan was quite taken aback by the sudden seriousness on the mans face. “I’m sorry, but we can no longer have these meetings.” A smile cracked on the others face and Dan rolled his eyes, finally seeing the joke.

“It’s not that I don’t _like_ coffee, I just prefer hot chocolate.”

Phil huffed. “Alright. I guess you can stay.”

Phil was obviously full of humor so Dan decided to mess around too. “Are you sure? Because I’d honestly be happy to go sit in a warm Starbucks by myself with a toffee nut caramel hot chocolate.”

Phil shot him a sideways smirk before stepping up to the counter and ordering for them both.

“Whoa, whoa, I got mine.” Dan stepped forward, cash in hand when Phil pulled out his card.

“No way peasant, it’s on me this time.”

Dan’s mouth dropped. “Peasant? _Peasant_?”

Phil pushed at his shoulder to show he was joking and stepped aside to wait for their ice cream and drinks.

“How about you go pick out a table.” Phil suggested.

“Well, thankfully we can literally have any one we want because no one else in London is this crazy.” Dan stalked off to choose a table and smirked smugly to himself. This was going perfectly.

Phil came back a few minutes later carrying two ice cream cones and balancing two paper cups in each elbow. He sat down and handed Dan his hot chocolate and ice cream as he gave an explanation. “You see, the trick to this is to have a couple licks of your ice cream and then a sip of coffee. I’m telling you, it’s perfect.”

“We’ll see.” Dan shrugged and tried it out. He found himself nodding in approval. “Not bad.”

They remained in comfortable silence as they finished their ice cream. Dan couldn’t remember the last time he just sat with someone like this. He felt no need to make conversation. It wasn’t awkward. They were just…there. He observed as Phil people watched, his arm resting on the table and holding his coffee as he alternated it with the ice cream. This man seemed so at peace. People weren’t like this. People weren’t this comfortable in their own skin around others. What was Phil’s secret? _This could be a good bonding, deeper conversation starter_ , Dan thought.

“Phil,” Dan called as Phil swallowed the last of his cone. The man gazed over at him. “How are you so calm?”

Phil furrowed his brows. “What do you mean?”

Dan shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe Phil wasn’t ready for deep conversations. “I just mean…you’re not nervous or jumpy. You just seem happy and like you don’t care about what anyone thinks.”

Phil laughed shortly and stared down at his fingers which had begun playing with the lid. “I care very much about what other people think, trust me.”

“But you’re just sitting there so calmly. And even when you saved me, you didn’t panic. You just did what you needed to.”

“How would you describe yourself then? If you think I’m calm, then what are you?”

“Oh gosh. I’m the opposite. I fret about everything. My heart’s always beating too fast or too hard. I never know what to say. My chest feels like it’s going to cave in half the time. I get myself in situations like, well, like being mugged in an ally.” He laughed.

Phil smiled sweetly. “We only just met Dan. You have no idea.”

Dan’s heart squeezed. Oh no, had he offended him? “I’m sorry, I know that. I shouldn’t just assume you’re happy and sedated all the time. Sorry.” He stared self-conscienceless at his cup. He wasn’t faking his anxiety. For whatever reason he really was anxious about how that had come across to Phil.

“I know you didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just that…a lot of people think they know me because of what they can see. The thing is, most people feel like crap. Everyone’s always dealing with problems. It could be their parents breaking up, a bad day at work, not knowing what to do with their future, health problems. All of this is going on with each person we see everyday and I wish I could change it. I guess I’m this way because if I can make even one person smile when their going through these things, then maybe I can be happy too.”

Dan didn’t say anything for a while. He thought back to all of the videos he’d watched on Phil’s channel and suddenly so much about him made sense. And in those videos, you could the sincerity of the words he’d just spoken. He was for real. He was not a fake. Unlike Dan. Although Dan was discovering that with Phil he didn’t have to put on as much of an act as normal. In his stories maybe, but in his thoughts, not at all.  

“That’s a wonderful goal to have. Well, you’ve made me smile today so I guess it works.”

Phil smiled and searched Dan’s face for a minute. “Want to go for a walk?”

 

As they walked, Dan could tell something was bothering Phil since the moment they stood from the table. He debated asking but the conversation they’d had just minutes before was still lingering and Dan doubted they were ready for another emotional discussion. His phone beeped a few times. He ignored it at first but after the third time he checked. It was Dean wondering how much longer he thought the date would be. Phil eyed him curiously as he responded in frustration to the text. He turned it on silent and stuffed in his back pocket.

“Something wrong?”

Dan realized his face was contorted and forced himself to relax. “Sorry, no. Just a persistent friend.” He said through his teeth.

“No problem. If you need to go it’s okay.”

“No! No, I don’t need to go. It’s fine.”

“Alright.” Phil said quietly. Dan couldn’t tell if it was a relieved reply or if he was ready for Dan to leave.

“Do…do you want me to go? Because if-”

“Not at all. I just…Dan I need to ask you something okay?” Phil stopped and grabbed Dan’s arm to bring them face to face. The close proximity made Dan’s heart do a crazy summersault. “I just want to know what your intentions are. I know we talked about this yesturday but do you know yet? Do you know what you’re feeling yet?”

Dan was speechless. His mind raced a million miles a minute trying to think of what he should say. Phil would see right through if he went _yes! Yes Phil I realize I am definitely gay and definitely want to be your boyfriend. I have completely figured out my feelings._ He couldn’t do anything like that.

“If not it’s okay. It really is. I’m not trying to rush you into deciding right now how you feel towards guys in general, I just want to know what you’re feeling towards _me_.” Phil pointed at his chest. “I just want to be on the same page because I really like you Dan but if you don’t have…” he paused, searching for the right words, “romantic feelings toward me in any way then I don’t want to be giving you the wrong message either. I don’t want you to think you still owe me for saving you. Am I saying this right? Do I make any sense?”

“Y-yes, I understand.” _Just talk Dan. Just say what you’re thinking. It’s been working thus far._ He made sure to speak slowly. “I…I really like you too Phil. I don’t quite know how to describe what I feel toward you except that I enjoy your company and I’m not doing this because I feel indebted to you, even though I still do. I just want to…keep getting to know you with the possibility of making it more.”

The tension in Phil visibly released. “Okay. Okay. I can do that. I like that.”

Dan knew that this was a good moment to make a move. Not a big move. More like a small gesture. He reached out and laid his hand on Phil’s forearm. Phil looked down at it. “Okay then.” Dan said kindly.

“See? I’m not always calm.” Phil huffed in embarrassment.

They both laughed and Dan finally returned his hand to his side. “I guess not.” They began a slow stroll once again.

“There’s one more thing I want to ask you.”

“Go for it.” Dan tried not to sound nervous.

“This is going to sound strange but do you know who I am?”

Dan swallowed. Now is where is acting skills would truly be needed. He knew this would come. Phil would want to know if Dan was a stalking subscriber. He looked up at Phil with a puzzled expression. “Who you are?”

“Yeah. Like, my name and…” His sentence dropped off.

“You’re Phil. The guy who saved me from getting completely brain damaged and happens to also be very attractive and agreed for some reason to get coffee with me.”

Phil smiled and nodded, seemingly pleased with Dan’s reply. “My last name is Lester.”

“Ooh look at us, getting into the deep stuff.” Dan joked. “Mine is Howell.”

“Howell, as in a wolf howls?” Phil said amusingly.

Dan narrowed his eyes at him. “ _Yes_ , Mr. Lester cheese.”

“Oh god please don’t. I hate cheese.” Phil fake gagged.

“What?! And you were going to defriend me because I’m not really a coffee person?”

“Fine, we are both horrible people in our own ways.”

 

The two had sarcastic and fun conversations for at least an hour as they as they meandered around the park. Dan lost track of time. Really, truly, lost track of time. He actually had…fun with this Phil Lester. It didn’t feel like an assignment. It felt like going to the park with a friend. At one point Dan was so cold that he felt numb and Phil rubbed his hands up and down his arms to create some friction. Now they stood at the bus stop that Phil would take home and procrastinated about saying good bye. Phil didn’t want to return home to a step father that would only demand he get an education. Dan didn’t want to return home to a boss who would ask details about everything Phil had said and to Dean who would only irritate him.

Phil stood before Dan, their eyes connected. “Does it still hurt?” Phil reached up and tentatively ran a thumb around the bruise on Dan’s face. Dan shook his head. The fingers lingered there on his cheek before dropping to Phil’s side. “Do I get to see you again?” Dan nodded falteringly. For some reason his tongue had stopped working at Phil’s touch. “When?”

“Well, what do you have planned for us next?”

Phil pursed his lips in thought. “A picnic?”

“Do all of your ideas involve me sitting outside in the cold?”

“I’ll bring lots of blankets.”

“Okay,” Dan smiled, “a picnic it is.”

 

Two days later they met at the Northern side of Boating Lake in Regents Park.

Two days after that it was dinner at a Thai food place near Seven Dials.

It was after dinner that night that Phil said, “I don’t want to wait two more days to see you Dan. Can we do something tomorrow?”

Dan hadn’t hesitated for a second to say yes and with that they decided on a movie for the following afternoon.

 

That night after dinner on the ride back home with Dean the man asked, “So when are you going to actually start getting information? Because right now I feel like I’m just a chauffeur.”

“Relax, we’re only two weeks in and Phil is a different kind of client.” Dan had been worried about Dean, Lyle, and especially his father wondering what was taking so long. Normally by now Dan would have s _ome_ kind of information to give them. If Dan were being honest with them and himself he’d say that with Phil, he often forgot what he was even doing there and just enjoyed himself. He couldn’t say that of course. Harvey would probably slap him across the face or worse, never use him for another assignment again. Dan knew the biggest rule in this business was to leave your heart out of it. He’d never had too much or a problem with it. You gain someone’s trust, get the information Harvey needed, abduct the victim, get a ransom, get the money; whichever was the mission at that time. It was simple. So why was Dan having an issue with this one?

“By different you mean he’s a man?” Dean pushed.

“No, that’s not the issue. Phil is very untrustworthy. You should have noticed that when you were watching him to begin with. And it makes sense with his popularity on the internet.”

“Oh, that. Does he think you’re a stalker or something?”

“Maybe at first it crossed his mind but he seems okay now.”

“Has he told you about his job?” Dean asked curiously.

“The video blogging? No he hasn’t. I can understand why he’s hesitant though.”

“So now you’re _understanding_ of him, are you?”

Dan heard the implications in his voice and narrowed his eyes. “I have to be. If I make a single mistake, this is all over. You understand that. With the others I could call and apologize and be right back in but with Phil, I have one shot.”

Dean snorted pridefully but Dan knew he got the point.

If being pestered by Dean had been tough enough, the second Dan was in the front door Harvey stood there with his arms crossed. Dan tried not to feel intimated but his stomach twisted despite himself.

“No, there’s nothing new but he’s trusting me more and more. I should be in soon. Ask Dean for details.” Dan walked past the man to his room where he shut the door and fell backward onto his bed. He pulled out his phone and smiled when he saw a text from Phil.

_Phil: Hi :)_

_Dan: Hell there :)_

_Dan: I mean HELLO there! I’m not condemning you just yet_

_Phil: Good cause I’ve always considered myself an angel_

_Dan: How about we just go to the movie tonight instead?_

_Phil: Then we’d have nothing to do tomorrow!_

_Dan: I’m sure we’ll figure something out ;)_

Phil couldn’t be convinced to go out again and Dan found himself disappointed. He mentally slapped himself for the uncalled-for desire to go out with Phil again. He couldn’t think that way. It would only get him in trouble. It could only end badly. He thought of the moment when Phil would have to learn the truth and his chest ached. Surely Phil would never trust anyone ever again.

Dan sat up and rubbed his face with both hands. But that was not his problem! His problem was that it had been two weeks and he still hadn’t set foot in Phil’s home, minus that first day he was brought there. He needed to get into the house and somehow find that safe.

 

 

Dan’s resolve to act more and think less dissolved subconsciously the moment Phil saw him walking toward him and smiled. It was a sweet, innocent kind of smile that made Dan’s heart break because it was obvious the man was happy to see him. This was something Dan often forgot with their victims. He knew he was acting so in a weird way he figured they were too. It wasn’t until he’d see this expression on their face, this look of genuine affection on their faces that he’d remember this is all a game.

With Phil is was worse because for first time Dan felt an inkling of that affection in return. He tried to push the thoughts away and focus but then he reached Phil and the man extended his arms and suddenly Dan was against his chest in an embrace. Their physical touch had been so restrained as of yet that Dan left his arms limp for a moment. He could feel the change in Phil as the man wondered if he’d done something wrong and immediately reciprocated the hug.

“Sorry I just…it surprised me.”

“A good surprise?” Phil asked hesitantly.

“Wonderful.” Dan said and squeezed him back more fervently. In Phil’s arms he felt warm and encircled and had to force himself to pull away. He needed to stop feeling this way. It was ridiculous. It was stupid and reckless and simply couldn’t happen anyway. He tried to stop it. He’d focused his mind. Why was his heart not listening? It was this God damn man’s fault. It was his touch and his eyes and hands and hugs. Dan cursed himself a million times over in his head. It was Sean all over again except this time Dan was mature, he understood that this needed to stop immediately.

“Shall we?” Phil gestured toward the cinema.

Inside the theatre it was nearly empty. It was an odd time for people to go out for a movie and Dan appreciated the solitude. “Well this is nice.”

“It is.” Phil agreed, picking a seat and swinging his legs up on the one in front of him. “You haven’t seen this movie yet right? I didn’t even think to ask.”

“Nope. I haven’t seen a movie in a while actually.” Movies were a pretty obvious date choice so when he was on an assignment he usually kept up with the movies. Between assignments could quite often be a while. Occasionally he would see a movie by himself but it wasn’t the same and there was no way he was asking Dean. Lyle wouldn’t be interested. And…well Harvey had more important things to do. Dan didn’t always know what those things were, and he didn’t really want to. All he knew was that he had a roof over his head and food at the dinner table. He never asked where Harvey went for days at a time. He could guess where he’d go late at night when he didn’t show up till late the following morning. He never asked about where the money went that he contributed to bringing in. He got a small allowance and had what he needed. There was no need to push Harvey’s buttons unnecessarily.

Phil was already digging into large popcorn they got. “You’re not going to wait till the movie?” Dan said in overexaggerated shock.

“Uh, no.” Phil snorted, shoveling a mouth full in. “Don’t worry, I’ll leave you some.” He smirked and hugged the container close to him.

“You better.” Dan warned and nestled into the seat as the lights dimmed.

The movie was decent enough. Phil was completely transfixed by it and Dan was transfixed by Phil. He couldn’t help but observe. Phil got so into the story. He’d be tense and then smiling, his eyes would widen and his popcorn filled hand would stop halfway to his mouth until the scene ended. He was oblivious to Dan’s amusement until about halfway through. The man turned to share a smile with Dan at a moment in the movie and Dan was caught red handed. He turned away with a gasp. He felt himself blush and was more than grateful for the rooms darkness. Phil snickered at him knowingly but turned his attention back to the screen. He didn’t return to eating the popcorn and moments later Dan felt a finger poking at his pinky. He risked a glance down at his arm which lay on the arm rest only to see Phil’s hand slowly snaking closer. Eventually his hand encompassed Dan’s. Dan didn’t realize he’d been holding his breath until his lungs forced air in through his mouth. His heart thumped, and his skin tingled where the warmth of Phil’s touched him. Dan flipped his hand slowly over and their fingers entangled naturally.

They remained that way for the rest of the movie. The popcorn was completely forgotten. Their full attention remained on their linked fingers. They twitched occasionally, reminding Dan that this really was happening. That he really did want it. That there was no denying how he felt about the touch. He knew that if everything had been real thus far with and Phil then it would be time to admit to him how he really felt. That he knew how he felt and where he wanted this to go. But had anything really not been real? So then, Dan wouldn’t be lying. He wouldn’t be pretending when he told Phil how he was beginning to feel. But it as also what was necessary to get closer to finishing this assignment.

 _You idiot,_ Dan scrutinized himself. _You’re an absolute idiot._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I've been posting pretty fast. I already have to story up so I've just been posting chapters as I edit them. Hope that's okay. Comments always wanted/appreciated/needed/adored!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings grow, first kiss, lots of fluff and some light angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got a longer chapter for ya today! This was one of my favorites to write :)

Dan had rejected Phil’s suggestion of getting something to eat after the movie. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go. However his brain felt like a storm. It felt as though there was thunder and lightening and rain pouring from dark clouds. He couldn’t think straight, and he was getting a headache. Phil had given him a concerned look and Dan felt compelled to tell him as much.

“I’m sorry, I’m just getting a head ache and I’d rather get home before having to take the tube in rush hour feeling like this you know?” It was very close to the truth because there was no way he was letting Dean take him back when he was all mixed up like this. The man enjoyed poking fun too much and Dan couldn’t take it today. “I’ll text you later okay? I promise.”

Phil nodded and the unsure look on his face made Dan feel guilty. He pulled Phil in for a hug who gratefully returned it.

Dan texted Dean and Lyle to let them know he’d find his own way back. Dean made a snark remark back and Dan didn’t respond. Instead he took the tube back over to café him and Phil’s technical first date was. It wasn’t nearly as cold as that day, so it was more comfortable to sit outside with a hot chocolate and people watch. He didn’t think so much as he did just let down. He always felt like there was so much pressure on him during these assignments. He wasn’t wrong to imagine it either. If it weren’t for Dan, Harvey would have to use other, more complicated means of getting money and information from the rich.

All of Harvey’s plans went through. All of the ones he told Dan about anyway. Dan hated to admit that he had always just done what he’d been told. If Harvey said, “hey, I need this girl to fall in love with you so that we can get to her father’s money” then he figured out a way to make it happen. Or “Dan, lure this girl into a false sense of security for a couple of days so we can abduct her and get ransom.” There were a couple of times things didn’t go quite as planned. He always threatened to kill the victim, that’s what worked. To Dan’s knowledge he’d never had to. Those rare times that the parents didn’t think he was serious, and Dan hoped that he hadn’t been, Harvey would send a video of a gun being held to the persons head. He’d raise it just a little and fire into the air. It always scared people. The ransom was always paid. All except for one time.

When Dan started to think about that one time, his mind automatically changed direction. He didn’t imagine it would let him think of it even if he wanted to. He certainly did not want to.

With his hands wrapped around the steaming cup Dan couldn’t help but remember the way it felt for Phil to entwine their fingers. The warmth and security he had suddenly felt with that small touch. He had tricked girls into thinking they wanted him, needed him even. But he himself had never felt that desire for someone else. Phil had given him the tiniest taste of what it was like to be on receiving end of it all. It wasn’t on purpose. None of this was on purpose. None of it was supposed to be happening at all. The one word that kept replaying itself in Dan’s mind was _why_? Why, why, _why_ was this so different?

It was well after rush hour when Dan finally stood from the table. The sky was dark, the paths empty, and stars were beginning to show themselves. The cold had seeped into his bone’s, but he ignored it. He’d drudged up too many annoying thoughts. He was tired and confused. The mixture of emotions made him feel intoxicated. He dreaded the idea of walking in the front door of home and being asked questions on how the date went. He was no longer in the mood to fight himself. So, in his irrational and muddled state he pulled out his phone and was calling Phil before he could stop himself.

“Dan! Hi!” Phil said both in surprise and joyfully after a single ring. Dan’s heart did an unexpected flip.

“Hey, um, what are you doing right now?”

“Nothing, why? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything is fine. Would you want to meet me somewhere?” Dan heard shuffling on the other line. Phil was probably looking at the time on his screen.

“It’s nearly ten!”

“And?” Dan pushed.

“Well of course I’ll come. Where am I going?”

Dan smiled and gave him a spot in the park to meet. “And Phil? Could you bring me a scarf or maybe some gloves? It’s kind of cold out here.”

 

Dan sat against a tree listening to the sounds of a city at night until finally he saw a figure jogging toward him. He got to his feet and when Phil reached him they hugged. Dan closed his eyes at the feeling that already felt like it hadn’t been experienced for months.

They let go and sat on the frigid grass. “What is up with you? Your kind of freaking me out. You shouldn’t be out here this late.” Phil began pulling a scarf from his pocket and adjusting it around Dan’s neck. Then he pulled out a pair of big fluffy mittens and handed them over.

“Thanks.” Dan mumbled and smiled at Phil’s care. Even more so when the man sat close enough that their thighs touched. His body started shivering now that it had the option of regaining warmth. “I’m fine really.” He opened his mouth to continue but quickly closed it. He didn’t know what to say. Why had he called Phil here? He better have a good reason he supposed. He suddenly felt guilty and frowned, staring down at his lap. He was already deceiving Phil, now he’d caused him out here and sit with him in the cold while he melted into his dark thoughts. Since when did he want someone to be there when he was having one of his meltdowns? “I really don’t know why I called you here. I’m sorry. That was so rude of me.”

“Don’t feel bad about that. I’m happy to come out here. I was worried. I know you didn’t ask me to come for nothing but if you don’t want to talk about either, then that’s fine.”

Dan wanted to shake Phil, he wanted to yell at him and demand he not be so _nice_. It was the man’s superpower. Phil was an angel and Dan was a misleading demon.

For a long time they just sat there. Phil waited patiently. Maybe he wasn’t even waiting. Maybe he honestly was just okay to be there with Dan in this silence. Dan on the other hand, his ears were ringing with the anxiety coursing through him.

Dan’s phone vibrated, forcing him from his frozen state. He sighed and removed it from his pocket. It was Harvey. He expected as much. Dan was never out late. He didn’t respond though. He simply put the phone back.

“I haven’t told you about my…family.” Dan said, choosing his words wisely. Dean and Lyle and Harvey weren’t exactly what he would consider family but they were what he’d always had. Phil turned to face him curiously.

“No, you haven’t.” He said softly.

Dan kept his eyes on his lap. He messed with the tips of the gloves nervously. He’d never told any resemblance of truth about his family. He always had an elaborate made-up story. He didn’t feel like making up a story tonight though.

“I don’t have a family. My parents didn’t want me. I’m adopted.” Okay, so Dan couldn’t tell the entire truth. The truth would sound ludicrous and Phil probably wouldn’t believe him anyway. This was the best he could do though. And it was true that his parents hadn’t wanted him.

“I had no idea. That must be difficult.” Phil laid a hand on Dan’s arm. Dan wished he could feel the heat of it through his coat.

“It is.” Dan nodded. “It could be worse. They accept me. But it’s not the same. It doesn’t feel like a family. It feels more like…a business.”

“Now that I can understand.” Phil exasperated with a sharp laugh.

“Really?” Dan was truly curious. Phil had said as much about his life as Dan had.

“My father left when I was young. My mother remarried some wealthy business owner when I was seven and he’s always wanted me to take it over at some point.”

“And you don’t want to?”

“Not at all. It’s boring. It’s desk work and phone calls that sound more like arguments than conversations.”

“Then what is it you want to do?” Dan looked at Phil then and the man searched his face. He took in a deep breath.

“Remember when I told you that my goal in life is to make people happy? Make them smile?” Dan nodded, feeling like he knew where this was going. “I do that already. I don’t mean when I go to coffee shops or walk down the street or talk to someone at the grocery store. I try during those times too but there may be a small part about my life that I haven’t told you yet.” The nerves were very evident in Phil’s expression now. His eyes darted away, and his hands rubbed up and down his legs anxiously.

Dan cocked his head. He tried to ready himself for a reaction that would make sense when Phil told him what he was sure he was about to. “Oh? Well that’s okay. We haven’t known each other that long. There’s lots of things we haven’t told one another yet.”

“Yes, true. But I feel like I’ve known you forever. That sounds crazy but already you’re the best friend I’ve ever had. I already have this horrible fear of losing you.” The purity in Phil’s eyes struck Dan to his core. “Never mind, I’m getting off topic. What I’m trying to say is that I’m already doing what I want to always be doing. I have a…job. But I don’t think of it as a job.”

“I guess I never thought much about what you could be doing as a job. When I saw your house, I figured you didn’t have to work or something.” Dan lied. “What do you do?” He said innocently.

Phil opened his mouth, pausing for a moment. “You’ve watched YouTube right?”

Dan snorted. “Yes Phil. I have watched YouTube.”

“Sorry, stupid question.” He laughed. “Well I make YouTube videos.”

Dan raised his eyebrows. “Oh! That’s pretty cool.” Was he saying the right thing?

“I make vlogs and skits and stuff. I love it. I make people happy.”

“Well…that’s cool.” Dan repeats stupidly. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

Phil gave him a long glance. He clearly wasn’t done. “That’s not all.” He said flatly.

“Okay?” Dan replied, adding nerves to his tone. “Do you make porno or something?”

“God no Dan, come on.”

Dan smiled. “Sorry, I know you’re trying to be all serious.”

“The reason I was so skeptical of you at the beginning was because I thought you may be a subscriber and stalking me or something.”

“Oh right, cause I purposely got myself beaten up so you’d save me and start taking me on dates in the cold.” Dan regretted the words almost as soon as he said them. It was the exact truth.

“I didn’t mean that part.” Phil smiled. “But, I have over four million subscribers.”

Dan stared at him incredulously. “You…as in the Phil Lester sitting in front of me, in the middle of the night. You, the one who drinks coffee and eats ice cream and people watches with me. _You_ have four million subscribers?”

“Yeah…” Phil sheepishly looked away.

“That’s incredible. It really makes sense now why you acted the way you did at first. And why you asked me if I knew who you were.”

“Exactly. I’ve been terrified someone would recognize me while we were together and I’d have to explain it right there and then.”

Dan leaned backwards on his hands and looked up at the sky. He could feel Phil look over at him.

“So…does that change anything?”

Dan looked at him. “Why? Should it? I mean, I’m certainly not going to stop you from making videos. I can’t say I won’t go watch some.” He grinned.

“Oh God, that’ll be weird.” Phil rolled his eyes. “You may not stop me from making videos, but you certainly distract me from them.”

Dan grinned mischievously at him. “Is that so?” The two laughed and relaxed onto their backs in the grass. Dan’s nerves settled for a minute. Then Phil’s hand found his and slid his fingers in between his. All at once Dan’s heart was racing. He remembered how right that touch had felt, how much he’d wanted it. He suddenly knew why he’d asked Phil here. It made sense now. His heart was being stupid. He remembered something Harvey had said to him _. “People always listen to their heart in the long run_.” Dan was not exception.

“Phil? I did call you for a reason.” Dan said ashamedly. Phil turned his head and watched curiously. Dan saw him swallow from the corner of his eye. The man played with his fingers lingeringly and Dan gripped onto them more tightly. Finally, he looked up to meet his eyes. “I know how I feel about you.” Dan said.

Phil scooted closer, resting their arms together as he waited for Dan to go on. “I like you a lot Phil. And I definitely like you as more than a friend.” He laughed a little out loud at that. “It’s not because you saved me or showed me kindness. It’s because of the way you treat others and the way you try and take care of me. It’s the way you open doors for me because you want to, and look for fun cold places to drink coffee. I know that you enjoy being around me and the fact that _I_ can see that even through my extremely low self-esteem is incredible. And God, it’s the way you _look_ at me. Like you’re doing right now.” Dan wanted to cry with the look on the man’s face right now. His complete focus was on Dan. Nothing else was taking his attention right now and that was incredulous to Dan.

Phil said nothing. He embraced Dan tightly, sticking his face in Dan’s neck. Dan smiled and untucked his hand from his pocket so he could hold him back. He laughed when Phil didn’t let go and then _still_ didn’t let go.

They laid there for far too long. Dan knew he should return home or else Harvey would become irritable and even suspicious. Especially since Dan wasn’t answering his phone. He couldn’t bring himself to do it though. He didn’t want this night to end yet. He might regret everything in the morning. He’d been too genuine, too honest. He was only making it worse. For now, he pushed those thoughts from his mind and let his eyes close.

 

After a lingering goodbye with Phil Dan got a taxi and went home. He didn’t bother trying to be quiet coming in the front door. He knew Harvey would be awake and waiting. His nerves twisted in his stomach as he flicked on the light.

“Hi Harvey.” Dan gave a knowing look to the man sat at the couch staring at him. Harvey didn’t respond. He waited for Dan to explain. “Phil and I just had a late date is all. It’s going well. He trusts me, and I think I’ll be able to check out the house soon.”

“Why did you send Dean and Lyle home?”

Dan shrugged. “I knew it was going to be late. I figured they didn’t want to be there for hours doing nothing.”

Harvey replied as if he hadn’t heard but Dan knew otherwise. “I understand that this case was going to be more difficult. However, I believe the time I’m given you is plenty. There is something I didn’t explain to you at the start of this. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to. It was supposed to be a surprise.” Harvey was starting to relax but Dan still didn’t quite trust it.

“Oh?”

“You’ve been good about never asking me where the money goes. I appreciate that. Your content with what I give you. But after you’re done with Phil, everything we’ve done up until now will finally pay off.”

Dan’s eyebrows furrowed. “In what way?”

“We can retire!” A smile broke out on Harvey’s face. “Come here.” He waved Dan over and lowered his voice to mere whisper. “I’ve been saving money all these years. We can leave London. We can go anywhere we want.”

“And Lyle and Dean?” Dan inquired.

Harvey shook his head. “I’ve paid them what we’ve always agreed on. I don’t care what they’ve done with their money. What I know is that we’re good. We’re going to take every last dime from that rich boy and then we’ll have enough. I’ve calculated everything. We can’t live the high life, but we can do better than where we are now.”

Dan looked around at their small establishment. It was old and dark. Dan had always hated it.

“So,” Harvey said, bringing Dan back from his thoughts. “Focus everything on this assignment. Get into that house and find that safe. Then we’re home free. I’ve been waiting a long time for this Dan. Much longer than you. I’ve had this plan for most of my life. Do you understand what I’m telling you?” A threatening note came back to his voice.

“Yes of course. I promise I’m doing everything I can.” It was a lie. Dan forgot who he was and what he was doing the second Phil smiled at him.

“Good. Go on then.” Harvey leaned back against the couch and Dan was glad to escape.

In his room he shut the door and just had to stand there a minute. Leave London? Why had he never told Dan? Maybe he thought Dan wouldn’t agree with the plan and wouldn’t want to go. Did Dan want to go? The thought of leaving London was crazy. He’d always lived here, and he loved it.

Dan didn’t grab his game controller that night, or even flip through his social media. He just laid there on his bed and stared at his ceiling blankly. He didn’t know what he wanted or if he even had a choice. Before he knew it, his eyes had shut, and he slipped into sleep.

 

He awoke with a start the next morning to his phone buzzing in his palm. He sat up abruptly, accidentally throwing his phone to floor. He groaned and rubbed at his eyes. Thanks to his dark drapes the room was still pitch black. He sat there disheveled and confused for a moment before leaning over and blindly patting the wood floor for his phone. Once he had it he fell back to his pillow and groaned again. He felt like he’d bee hit with a sledge hammer. His body went limp and he was just starting to drift back off to sleep when his phone vibrated again.

“What the hell?” He said in frustration and forced his eyes open to stare at the bright screen. It was already noon? Seeing two messages from Phil made his anger immediately melt away. At the same time a slight case of nausea turned his stomach at remembering his conversation with Harvey the night before.

Phil Lester: Get up sleepy head!

Phil Lester: Daaaaaan, I’m bored

Dan snorted a laugh and rolled onto his back to respond to the text.

Dan Howell: How did u know I was still sleeping? Stalker 

Dan barely set down his phone before Phil responded. It made a small smile pull at his lips.

Phil Lester: Cause you always text me when you get up.

Dan Howell: You did keep me up kind of late. So it’s your fault

Phil Lester: Come over to my house today? You can finish sleeping here!

Come over? Other than taking him to his house the first day they met to bandage him up Phil had never suggested they go to his house. Dan had made sure not to push it because of Phil’s mistrust towards people. And now here it was, Dan’s chance to go to Phil’s home. His first thought should have been that he could finally look for the safe. Regretfully, his first thought was instead of Dan lying with Phil on his bed and laughing hysterically as they often did. Or eating popcorn and watching movies. Maybe he could even take a nap there, seeing as his eye lids were still heavy.

Another part of him, the part that made him feel ill when he thought of Harvey, didn’t want to go. Dan wanted to go to Phil’s because he genuinely wanted to, not because it was part of his assignment. What would happen once he found the safe? This would all be over. _It would be best to end it now anyway,_ Dan’s sobering thoughts told him. He groaned at his situation and could almost see the switch turning off in his brain. He didn’t want to think. He couldn’t handle thinking or feeling today.

Dan Howell: It sounds lovely but I’m not feeling well today. Rain check?

Dan stared at his phone until Phil replied, an ache in his chest.

Phil Lester: No problem :) Do you need anything? I can make soup!

Dan sighed. His eyes stayed glued to the screen. His heart thumped harder as it battled between desire and necessity. He couldn’t procrastinate finding the safe forever. Eventually he would have to try. And with how introverted Phil could be who knew when he would invite Dan to his house again. Maybe there was a reason why he’d invited Dan today. Perhaps his step-father was gone or he really was bored. Or maybe he just wanted to spend the day with Dan.  For some reason that thought made Dan’s heart flutter. It wasn’t as if he didn’t want to spend the day with Phil. He was just tired of all these charades. He wanted it to be real. For now though, he could pretend, right?

Dan Howell: Scratch that, I’m coming over

 

Thirty minutes later he was dressed in black skinny jeans, the warmest coat he had, and stepping out of the car that Dean dropped him off in.

Phil’s house looked different now that Dan knew who he was. It didn’t fit Phil at all. Phil was humble and kind. This…mansion was too loud for his gentleness. Then again, it wasn’t his. It was his step-fathers. He walked up the steps to the intimidating front door where a guard in black stood. The man didn’t acknowledge him and Dan wasn’t sure what to do. So he strode carefully to the door and held up his hand to knock. The guard stepped in front of him and glared.

“What are you here for?” He asked incredulously, as if he couldn’t believe Dan’s nerve.

“I’m here to see Phil.”

“The only way you get in this door is if he comes down to get you himself.”

“Alrighty then.” Dan said sarcastically and held up his hands as he backed away. “One sec.” He said to the guard as he pulled out his phone and called Phil.

“Hey!” Phil answered on the second ring.

“Heeeey. So, your nasty guard dog is out here and won’t let me in unless you open the door.” Dan explained.

Phil sighed. “I told him he could let you in but I suppose he’s just doing his job. I’ll be right there.”

A few minutes later Phil opened the heavy front doors. He smiled brightly and wasted no time in embracing Dan tightly. “Come on, come on.” He grabbed Dan’s hand and ushered him quickly inside. Once again Dan was amazed by the entry. Suddenly some of Dan’s confidence shriveled. Would Phil still like him if he knew that Dan lived in a small, dusty, cramped apartment? It had never mattered to him before how he lived but the sudden realization that if Phil knew, he might feel less inclined to hang out with Dan. The thought hurt him, and the emotion surprised him. This is exactly why he didn’t want to go anywhere today.

Still, he couldn’t have resisted when Phil eagerly pulled him down wide hallways and up a long winding staircase. As they went they passed someone sweeping corners with a broom and another washing windows. Dan often wondered as he traversed through their victims lavish housing how one got to be this rich.

“Where are we going?” Dan asked amusedly.

“My room of course.” Phil snorted.

At the top of the stairs Phil dropped his hand and slowed his pace so they walked side by side down the now narrow hall. Dan ran his fingers along the expensive wooden railing beside him. What if Phil ever asked to come see his home? He could never allow that. He couldn’t risk Phil leaving for any reason. He remembered then that he was supposed to be checking the place out. Dean suspected the safe was in Phil’s room but just in case Dan needed to be looking for other spots. A locked room maybe? They passed by a couple of doors on the right but they were open and looked to be studies or guest rooms.

Dan followed Phil through the last door of the hallway. He wasn’t sure what to expect. Once they’d stepped inside Phil stepped to the side and let Dan look around. The room was smaller than Dan imagined. Much larger than his of own of course but not luxurious. Dan scanned a book shelf and dresser top and smiled. Everything was so _Phil_. He went to the dresser and picked up a stuffed wolf. Beside it was several other stuffed creatures, both fictional and non.

“I know, it doesn’t exactly look like a twenty-three year old’s room does it?” Phil shrugged in embarrassment.

“I love it Phil. I love that it’s just you.” His words came out more meaningful than he intended and Phil’s eyes beamed. Dan looked down and cleared his throat. There he was, doing it again, just doing and not acting. “Anyway, what was your plan?” Dan said in an effort to get himself back on track.

“I didn’t necessarily have one. We can watch a movie, play a board game, video games. Any of those sound fun?”

Dan knew that he should suggest something such as a house tour. Anything that would mean he got to analyze the house more. His mind also convinced him that maybe that would sound sketchy and he should play it cool for the first time at the house. And he would never admit out loud that he would much enjoy an activity in which he could sit quietly beside Phil and just absorb the peace and affection that the man emanated. He could certainly use some of that. Which means that he should most certainly not allow himself to have it.

“Start with a board game maybe?” Dan suggested. That’ll keep them apart for a while.

“Sure. Pick one out.” Phil pointed to the book shelf. Beside it was a tripod and camera.

“Whoa, whoa. This is where the magic happens huh?” Dan carefully touched the camera.

Phil snorted. “Sure, if you want to call it that.”

“I watched some of your videos. Could I watch you film sometime maybe?” Saying he watched _some_ of Phil’s videos was an absolute understatement. He’d watched nearly all of them before the man even told him that he made YouTube videos. Dan was just going to leave that little fact out though. He did want to watch Phil film. It would be a side of him he’d never seen before.

Phil blushed at the suggestion. “I don’t know…I’ve never had someone watch me before.”

“Aw come on!” Dan pushed him playfully.

Phil held his hands up in surrender. “Maybe. _Maybe_ one day. But not today. I just want to be with you today.”

Dan couldn’t help the swell that went through his chest. He smiled shyly and then spun around to look at the board games again. In the end they decided on playing Scrabble on the plush carpeted floor. They learned quickly that they both were Pokémon fans and thus agreed it was allowed to be included in the game. Phil was winning and eventually Dan asked, “How one earth are you coming up with these words?” 

“I may or may not have gone to university for English Language and Linguistics.”

Dan froze and gawked at him. “Are you serious? And you let me pick the game that I would definitely lose in?”

“You picked it!” Phil through his hands in the air. “What did you want me to say? ‘You might not want to pick that one cause I’ll win.’”

“Well…” Dan struggled with a comeback. “Fine.”

Phil smirked and raised an eyebrow. “Not a good loser are you now?”

“Not when I’m clearly unmatched! After this we’re playing video games.” Surely Dan could beat him at that.

“Bossy, bossy.” Phil grinned. “I knew you had a bossy bottom side to you.”

Dan jerked his head to Phil at the words, his mouth falling open. “Excuse me?”

Phil looked incredibly amused at this conversation and even leaned back on his hands, giving Dan a taunting expression.

“Bossy bottom.” Dan mumbled defensively under his breath. “What does that even mean?!”

“Well, you see, it means that in bed-” Phil started to explain.

Dan’s face flushed red. “I know what it means! But how can you possibly think that I would bottom?” Dan glared at him. He had to admit he was greatly offended by this thought. He’d never done anything sexual with a man but there was no way in hell he was a bottom. To just lay there helplessly and take it? No way.

“Dan, it’s okay.” Phil was still smiling but his tone was comforting. “There is nothing wrong with a being a bottom.”

“I’m not saying that there is but…” Dan found himself very flustered and instead of showing his humiliation he retaliated. “What? Are you saying you’re a top?”

Phil’s smile only got bigger. “Maybe.”

“You can tell me that I’m a bottom but you won’t tell me what you are?” Dan persisted stubbornly.

“Dan,” Phil said calmly. “Come here.”

Dan leaned backward and furrowed his brows. He was on edge now, feeling far too exposed and he wasn’t even sure why. Sex wasn’t a topic he was afraid of. Why was he feeling this way? “No.” He tried to sound resolute, but it came back far more whiney than he intended and he felt himself blush again.

“Dan, you trust me, so come here. Please?” Phil ducked his head a little in a plea. Dan was uncertain but finally he sighed and crawled over. He made sure to sit a good couple feet away. Why was Phil watching him like that? With that stupid smile on his face. Dan folded his arms and looked away.

“Okay, what did you want?”

Phil confidently moved towards him, closing the distance quickly. Dan pulled tighter into himself. He was supposed to be keeping a physical distance between them today due to his emotional state. _Well I’m doing my part,_ he told himself as he looked at Phil from the corner of his eye. The man sat beside him and placed a hand on his knee, looking him dead in the eye the entire time. Where was the sweet, caring, expression that the man always had? What was this controlling, confidant stance he had now? Phil’s other hand went to Dan’s shoulder and Dan swallowed, feeling his heart pound faster than ever before. Was Phil going to kiss him? He wasn’t sure if he was ready for that. What was he thinking?! He should never be ready for that! Phil wasn’t his! Phil was a client, an assignment, his victim. He needed to do whatever it took to get the money and if kissing Phil meant he got to stay longer and scope things out then that’s what he should do.

But Phil didn’t kiss him. He leaned close enough to Dan’s ear that he could feel his breath and then he whispered, “I’m whatever _you_ see me as.” The hair on Dan’s neck stood straight and if he hadn’t been so tense, the whine lodged in his throat might have escaped. The words sent a burst of heat through his entire body.

Finally, Phil pulled away and leaned back on the palms of his hands again. He was acting so casual about this while Dan felt as though he was going to erupt. He forced himself to take long, shallow breaths so Phil didn’t realize that he hadn’t breathed that entire time. Dan knew he must look like an idiot right now. Being the kind of person he was though, Phil ignored it. Verbally that is.

“How about we finish this scrabble game?” Phil said.

 

Dan did in fact beat Phil at Mario Kart. So much so that he started feeling bad. His competitiveness wouldn’t allow him to fake a loss though.

“I’m sorry!” Dan said as he passed the finish line in first yet again. Phil fell backwards against his pillows with a grunt.

“I surrender.” Phil waved his hand in the air before dropping it back down.

“No, we can try something else. Maybe battle instead of race?”

“You’ve wounded me Dan. Clearly I’m an old man.”

Dan put down his controller and crawled over to Phil, leaning on his elbows and looking down at him. “I really do feel bad.” He whispered sympathetically.

Phil smiled up at him. “I know. Have I told you yet that you’re cute when you look all sad like that?”

Dan sat bolt upright. “ _Phil_.” He said in embarrassment.

“Just saying.” Phil said as he slid off the bed and stretched.

Just then Dan’s phone buzzed on the other side of the room. It still lay on the floor where they played scrabble. Just the sound of the phone made his stomach twist. He didn’t want to be pulled away from the happiness he felt with Phil just yet and Harvey only called when he needed him.

Dan sighed and went to retrieve it. He answered it on the last ring. “Hello?”

“Dan, I need you. Now.”

“But I’m still at Phil’s. We were just about to-”

“I won’t ask again! Now Dan! I need you now!” Harvey screamed venomously into the phone. Suddenly there was a scream on Harvey’s end. A high-pitched wail of terror. It sounded like a girl.

“Harvey? Who was that?”

“Lyle is waiting outside for you. Come now.” 

Harvey hung up and Dan was left there confused and worried. What was happening?

“Who was that?” Phil asked, his eyes were wide and Dan freaked out for a second thinking Phil could hear everything on the other line. “Sounded a bit crazy.”

“Yeah,” Dan sighed, “I guess my dad needs me home.”

“He sure is demanding of his adult son.” Phil said curiously. “You never seem happy about him calling.”

Dan knew Phil was just being thoughtful but he didn’t have time for a deep conversation. “Yeah, he can be. I’m sorry I have to go. I had a lot of fun.”

“Me too.” Phil smiled and reached a hand toward him. He skimmed his finger tips across Dan’s cheeks and Dan felt the tension melt from him. He almost let his eyes close and just enjoy the touch. He took a step back to head towards the door but Phil caught his hand and pulled him back. “Do you really have to go?”

Dan was left speechless by Phil’s question and the longing look in his eyes. “I…”

“I really don’t want you to go.” Phil said quietly.

“Neither do I, but I have to.”

“Can I kiss you?”

“I…what?” Dan said in surprise. He didn’t pull away from Phil’s hold. Hs searched his face, looking for a joking grin.

“I don’t want to move too fast. I don’t know how much you feel towards me and if you’re not comfortable of course not but I would really like to kiss you.”

Dan was quiet for several long seconds. Phil waited patiently. His eyes remained soft and Dan could see the want there. Want for _him_. Want for _Dan_.

“I’ve never kissed a boy before.” Dan said unsurely. He didn’t know why that made a difference but it did. A twinge of fear dulled Phil’s eyes and Dan realized what Phil must think he meant. That he wasn’t sure if he’d like it or that maybe it would change his mind about Phil. That wasn’t what Dan meant though. He was just nervous and scared. “I want to though. I want to kiss you Phil. I’m just scared.” He would have never admitted to anyone that he feared of anything. Why could he do that with Phil? And about something so intimate too. He didn’t feel judged in the slightest when he was with Phil.

“Nothing to be scared of. I’ll show you.”

Dan knew how terrified he must look. Phil stepped closer to him slowly. He gently touched a strand of Dan’s unruly hair. His movements were sure of himself but cautious for Dan’s sake. Dan mine as well have been a deer caught in headlights. He was frozen. His breathing grew more and more uneven the closer Phil moved toward him. At a certain distance he placed a hand on Dan’s back, encouraging him to willingly come the rest of the distance. But his heart was beating so fast and hard and his stomach ached and he was so scared. Scared of what? Scared that he wouldn’t like kissing a boy? No that wasn’t it. It was fear of what could come of this. Fear of liking kissing Phil. What if he liked it so much he wanted to do it again? This whole assignment was so messed up. Dan had screwed up everything. But he wanted this to happen. He was going with his heart, not his head, just like Harvey said always happened. The heart always wins. Stupid, needy, desperate, persistent, heart.

Dan stepped forward and Phil met him the rest of the way. His lips paused against Dan’s, their breaths mixing, before he moved them together slowly. So slowly. It was barely movement at all. Dan matched his speed and gentleness. It was as if this was his first kiss and he had to be taught all over again. This was different. This was perfect. Phil was attentive and gentle and patient with him.

That’s when Dan realized something. Phil was no longer his victim, the roles had switched, and he was most certainly Phil’s victim.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey gets impatient, Dan breaks rules

Lyle was not fun to be in a car with when he was anxious. They dove in and out of traffic and got yelled at by pedestrians and drivers alike. Currently, he was very, very anxious.

“I don’t understand what’s going on Lyle. Tell me.” Dan asked for the third time since he got in the car. The man hadn’t said a word. He just kept rubbing at the sharp black and grey hair on his chin that he’d neglected to shave off the last few days. His eyes kept straight ahead on the road even as they nearly missed a garbage bin.

“I don’t know how to explain Dan. I can’t, actually. What I can tell you is that Harvey took some girl this morning. Apparently it’s a project he’s been working on by himself.” Lyle shook his head in disbelief.

“You and Dean didn’t know either?”

Lyle laughed bitterly. “Not a clue. I don’t know what’s gotten into Harvey, but he seems in a rush to do whatever it is he’s doing. I’d do what he tells ya Dan, that’s my advice. He’s real mad.”

Dan’s head was still mixed in with the sweetness of being at Phil’s house. Of their first kiss. He wanted to stay in that moment but the farther away from Phil they drove, the farther the thought was shoved from his mind. He couldn’t stay in that wonderful world at the moment.

They turned abruptly onto a street that Dan didn’t recognize and pulled up to a house on the end of a street. Lyle was opening his door before the car was in park so Dan rushed out along with him and followed hastily to the front door. Dan didn’t recognize the area or house because Harvey used a different house every time he took someone. Dan never knew the details. He just always did what he was told. This seemed different though. Harvey’s abductions always went smoothly. It was an adrenaline rush for sure, but no one was ever anxious or paranoid about it. But that’s exactly how Harvey sounded over the phone and how Lyle was sounding now.

The man checked behind them before opening the front door and dragging Dan in quickly. The door was shut and locked and the light flickered on. The house was old and dusty. It must’ve been abandoned. A green sofa with ripped seats was in the living room. It was the only furniture besides some old picture frames and some garbage in the corner. The house was silent. It set Dan on edge. He creeped across the floor even though Lyle walked about as though he owned it. They went to the kitchen where garbage laid on the counters and dirty dishes sat stinking in the rusted sink.

“Down here.” Lyle called and Dan whipped his head around. Lyle opened a door that lead to the basement and started down the stairs. Dan followed. One step into the basement and the sound of a girl screaming slapped him in the face. His stomach flipped and he hurried the rest of the way down.

As soon as he turned the corner into the unfinished basement he saw the girl. She looked about fourteen and had short blond messy hair. She wore a simple long sweater and black tights with boots. He imagined that when she dressed herself this morning she looked very nice. Now though, she was disheveled, and her makeup smeared over her eyes. She’d been crying and her screams sounded painful and raspy. She was sitting in the corner against a concrete wall with her hands bound behind her.

When she saw Lyle, she went silent, but you could still hear her panicked breathing. She looked from Lyle to Dan and began whining.

“It’s about time.” Harvey stood from a desk a few yards from the girl. The desk looked as though it had been here a very long time.

“Got here as fast as we could.” Lyle explained.

Harvey looked directly at Dan and pulled a cigarette from his mouth. “I’m sure you did.” He turned his attention to the girl. “Thank you, sweetheart.” He held up the phone he had in his hand as a gesture. “I think that’s enough material.”

“Wha-what?” The girl mumbled, looking confused. Harvey often recorded the initial fear that went through a victim for later material as a way to get parents to give them the ransom. They never actually hurt them. It was never necessary. Fear produced everything they needed for a swift transaction. Dan guessed that’s why he never worried too much about what they did. Things seemed different now.

“What’s going on?” Dan asked, looking worryingly at the girl.

“Well, since you’ve decided to take your sweet old time on Mr. Lester I had to do something to come up with rent and groceries this month.”

Dan knew instantly that was a lie. Why was Harvey lying to him? What was he trying to cover up?

“Don’t ask questions Dan.” Harvey said pointedly. “I’m sure the father will contact us soon. Until then I don’t want you leaving the house.”

“What?” Dan gave him a sideways glance. “This house? Or our house? And why?”

“You don’t need reasons right now. What you need to do is take this sweet girl up to the bathroom. Make her something to eat. Not until she stops screaming and whining like a baby that is.”

Dan opened his mouth to persist but Lyle shot him a warning glance and he decided to obey.

“Okay.” Dan agreed and started towards the girl. She shoved herself further against the corner, she closed her eyes and fresh tears poured down her cheeks as she turned her head away. Dan kneeled down in front of her. He heard the squeak of the chair as Harvey sat back down at the desk.

“Hey, it’s okay. Really. We won’t hurt you. We never do. Please just be quiet and come with me.” Dan whispered. He was familiar with this. Harvey always gave him this job because in most cases he knew the victim. Had convinced them to fall in love with him even. Despite every bone in their body telling them Dan was a traitor, they always went with what was familiar to them and that was Dan. They didn’t know Harvey or Lyle or Dean. Dan knew how to talk people down. He didn’t know this girl though. He had never seen her before.

The girl shook her head at his request. There was a loud slam from behind and Dan along with the girl jumped. Dan turned to see Harvey raising his fist to hit the table again. He stared warningly at the girl and she quickly returned her gaze to Dan who now seemed like a safe place compared to where she was.

Dan held out his hand and took her arm to help her up. They said nothing as they headed up the stairs. At the top Dan closed the basement door and sighed in relief to be away from Harvey’s anger.

“Help me please! What is going on?! Please-”

“Shush!” Dan held a finger over his lips. She went quiet again. “I’m sorry this happened to you. I really am. Usually…” Dan looked away. What could he say to comfort her? “Let’s just say things are usually different. I don’t know what’s happening. What I can tell you is that we never hurt anyone okay?” Dan looked the girl in the eyes. Her attention clung to him. In her eyes he was her only hope. The only good thing she’d seen since she’d been taken. “You won’t be killed. He may threaten you, but it won’t happen okay?”

“How can you know that? What do you mean _usually_?” She was starting to cry again.

“It won’t be long before your parents pay okay? Everything will be fine.” Dan guided her to where he guessed the bathroom would be.

“You guys took me for ransom?” She said, her voice shaking.

“Shh!” Dan warned again, arriving at the bathroom door. He flicked on the light and peered inside. It wasn’t the cleanest, but it was better than a bucket. He turned the girl around and undid her wrists. “There’s no window and we make sure there are no weapons you can use against us so don’t try okay? You’re just going to have to trust me.”

Dan waited outside the door for the girl to finish. After a couple of minutes, he knocked on the door.

“Yeah.” He heard on the other side. It was a defeated sound. He opened the door and found the girl standing in front of the mirror staring at herself. Dan went to grab her hands but she jerked away.

“I have to, I’m sorry. If you stay quiet though they won’t put a gag in your mouth.”

The girl didn’t budge. Dan tried a different tactic.

“What’s your name?”

“Sophia.” She said after a minute.

“Alright. Sophia, my name is Dan. Let’s go get something to eat okay? The only thing we probably have is sandwich fixings but at least it’s something.” He held out his hand and carefully grabbed her arm again. She let him this time and he bound it easily enough.

 

Sophia sat at a wood table eating a sandwich. Dan sat on the other end of the table staring blankly at the space in front of him. It was always during an abduction that he seemed to withdraw into himself. Everything beforehand; the getting to know someone, go on dates, have a good time, talk about whatever, get coffee, that was the fun part. Dan could pretend he was someone else at those times. But when Harvey moved in and the person Dan had just spent weeks getting to know was suddenly sitting in a chair bound and sometimes gagged, Dan hated himself. What pulled him through was knowing that no one ever get hurt, and in a few days they would back to their families and everything would fine. Returns to normal right? That’s what he’d told himself anyway.

Right now, he didn’t even want to think of Phil. He didn’t want to think of drinking coffee and eating ice cream cones and playing video games. And he especially didn’t want to think about that kiss. He didn’t deserve Phil and his perfect kiss. The whole thing suddenly felt like a fantasy dream that had never happened. He realized that he hadn’t even looked at his phone since he got back. He pulled it from his pocket but there was no message from Phil. It was probably for the best. Maybe Phil was regretting their kiss.

The basement door creaked open and Harvey appeared. He saw the girl and snorted. Sophia stopped chewing and Dan could see her pulse quicken.

“I’ll never understand how you tame them so quickly.” Harvey said. “I need to go out. See you tonight and remember, do not under any circumstance leave this building.”

Dan nodded and watched Harvey leave, ever curious as to where he was going at this time of night. Sophia resumed eating and peeked occasionally at Dan under puffy eyes. Dan knew questions were on the tip of her tongue but he didn’t want to encourage them so he ignored her pressing gaze.

A few minutes later Lyle appeared from the basement as well and sat down at the table with a sigh.

“Where’s Dean?” Dan asked. Now that his father was gone he could finally ask questions of his own.

“Checking on things.” Lyle said simply.

Dan was not satisfied. “What things? Phil?” Dan regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth. It sounded too sincere, too caring. Lyle furrowed his brows.

“Not that I know of. Just some other things. You’ll know soon enough I suppose.”

“Why am I kept in the dark on all this?” Dan asked angrily. It was infuriating to not know what was happening. This was his job and his life too.

“Not now Dan, please.” Lyle raked a hand through his hair. Dan shook his head. He was suddenly worried about Phil. He knew it was taking longer to get what they needed from him. That mixed with Harvey’s mood could lead to anything and Dan didn’t trust it for one minute.

Dan stood from the chair defiantly. “I’m leaving.” He started towards the door and saw a moment of panic on the girls face.

Lyle stood and quickly moved in front of him. “You’re not leaving.” He said. There was sadness mixed in with the authority in his tone.

“You too?!” Dan bellowed.

“You have to trust me Dan. Don’t go.”

“ _She_ is a prisoner here!” Dan pointed fervently at Sophia who had put down her sandwich and was gripping the seat with both hands. “ _I_ am not!”

“Of course not but for now we need you to stay.” Lyle said calmly.

“And what about Phil huh? Am I supposed to just forget about him until I’m allowed to leave?” Dan mocked.

Lyle looked at him suspiciously. “Is that what this outburst is about? You’re worried for Phil?” There was a note of surprise there. Dan felt his chest compress.

“Of course not. What I am worried about is Harvey messing up this entire thing. What if Phil senses something is wrong and backs away? I am so close Lyle. So close to getting the safe.” He added that last bit in to hopefully be more convincing. It was true. Being in Phil’s house today definitely was a huge step in the right direction. No one could deny that.

“People can go days without seeing each other. Phil will be fine without you for a few days, Dan.”

Dan understood the warning in the man’s tone, but he didn’t believe it. He believed Phil was in danger. And until he saw Phil in flesh and blood he wouldn’t believe otherwise. He couldn’t convince Lyle to let him go though. He needed to do it another way.

“Fine.” Dan said in defeat. He turned toward Sophia. “Are you finished?” He asked. She nodded briskly and stood.

“We set up a room for her back there by the bathroom. Keep her bound. You’re her guard tonight.” Lyle said.

 _Of course I am_ , Dan thought as he took Sophia by the elbow and guided her to the back of the house. She whined as Dan opened a bedroom door and he realized he was holding tightly onto her arm, probably scaring her to death.

“Sorry.” He mumbled and immediately let go as he shut the door. The girl held onto her elbow and stood in the corner scanning he room. There was a rickety twin bed with a sheet and a sleeping bag on the floor. “I’m on the floor. I’ll have to tie you to the bed okay? I’m sorry but I need to leave tonight.”

“Leave? What about that man? When he comes back…”

“It’s okay. I told you, we won’t hurt you. We’re just waiting for your parents to respond and then you’re going home. You’ll just have to sleep on an uncomfortable mattress for a few days and then you’ll be back home. No worries okay? Worst thing will be that that you’re probably going to hate sandwiches after this ordeal.” She didn’t laugh. “Anyway, I’ll be back by morning. With luck they won’t even know I left. Can you come here?”

She hesitated before nodding and coming over. She sat on the edge of the bed nervously. She held her hands in front of her and Dan bound them. He made sure they were tight enough she couldn’t escape but not so much so that she’d have bleeding and scars. He always wanted this experience to be as easy to forget as possible. He then connected another tie from her wrists to the headboard.

“It’s not the most comfortable, I know. But it shouldn’t be too bad.”

Sophia kept her eyes on him. She didn’t seem as scared anymore but perhaps confused and curious. That was good. Maybe he’d undone some of Harvey’s doing. Dan turned off the light and pulled out his phone. The battery was dead. “Damn it.” He cursed under his breath. He knew he couldn’t get into Phil’s house without telling him he was coming. The guards certainly wouldn’t let him in. He would have to go to his own house first and let the stupid thing charge somewhat.

 _What will Phil think if I show up early in the morning?_ Dan wondered. But of course, Phil would worry. He’d ask why. He’d ask what was wrong. He’d want details and Dan knew already that he wasn’t too good at lying to Phil. He should just wait until morning. His nerves were biting at him but there was nothing he could do. He sighed and got into the sleeping bag.

 

Dan was not able to escape the next day. Or the day after that. Lyle seemed to read his mind and between him and Harvey, he was never left alone for more than a few minutes. He was in lockdown. Dean only came home for a few minutes at a time. He’d smile and ruffle Dan’s hair, call him princess on the way back out the door. Dan asked Harvey if he could at least get his phone charger from home but he didn’t even get to finish the sentence before the idea was shot down. He tried to explain that Phil would wondering why Dan wasn’t replying to him. He tried to tell him the entire mission could be at stake. Harvey merely stared down at some papers before him and said, “I’m sure you’ll be able to give him a good enough story when you see him again.” He didn’t seem concerned at all which only made Dan more skeptical.

He spent most of the time watching over Sophia. She stayed quiet for the most part. When anyone else but Dan was around she was mute. If was just them though, she’d brave a few words. Currently they were sitting at the dining table. It was the only place slightly decent to be. Everywhere else was filthy. Lyle was in the basement messing with some tech and Harvey was gone on one of his mysterious errands.

Dan was shuffling a deck of cards. It was their only form of entertainment but he’d exhausted the few games he new and now they just sat there.

“Why do you do this if you’re so nice?”

Dan slowed his shuffling and looked at Sophia. “What do you mean?” He asked.

“You’re so nice. So why do you kidnap?”

Dan laughed lightly. He didn’t like the word ‘kidnap.’ But he supposed that’s what they’d done with Sophia. “It’s all I know Sophia. I grew up doing this. While others were in fourth grade, I was luring some wealthy wife from her car to save a ‘poor helpless lost child’. I went to school sometimes. When Harvey sent me there to befriend a kid he planned on taking for ransom. Buying a pretty girl some ice cream on Brighton’s beach so she’ll trust me enough to come to my ‘house’.”

“Why don’t you just get a job at a…I don’t know, shoe store or something.” Sophia suggested innocently. Dan smiled at the thought of such normal sounding life. As if he could just walk away and start fresh.

“Doesn’t work like that. Haven’t you noticed? I’m basically a prisoner here along with you.” Dan gestured around the empty room.

“But you could leave. Right now, you could just walk out and not come back. You could…” Her voice lowered and her eyes dropped, “you could let me go too. We could just walk out right now.”

Dan could see tears building in her eyes, but she wiped them away before they fell. “He’d find us so easy Sophia. And besides that, you’re going home tomorrow. Your parents are paying the ransom and you’re going home. She knew that already. Harvey had given them the news this morning.

“What about Phil?” The girl asked.

Hearing his name so suddenly made Dan’s heart flip. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve heard you talking about him. Are you guys going to kidnap him too?”

“No.” Dan answered quickly. Too quickly. Sophia saw the panic on his face at the mere suggestion.

“That doesn’t make sense.” She shook her head and furrowed her brows. “You talk about him like he’s a friend or something but I’ve heard that other guy say stuff too. Yesterday he said that you guys needed that money right now. That he couldn’t wait any longer.”

Dan froze at her words. He looked her straight in the eyes, his body tense. “What else did they say Sophie?”

She opened her mouth to speak but the stairs squeaked and Dan looked over to see Lyle standing in the basement door entry with a cold expression on his face. Right then Dan new that there was a lot more being hidden from him than he even thought.

“Why don’t I give you a break from babysitting Dan. Go downstairs for a bit. You can even use my computer.”

Dan got the hint. “Okay, that would be nice.” He stood and gave Sophie one last glance. “I’m just going to go to the bathroom really quick.” Lyle nodded and took a seat at the table. He didn’t even think to question Dan’s motives and that’s exactly what Dan needed. He walked to the bathroom door, closed it, and then tip toed into the bedroom he and Sophia had been sleeping in. He’d been waiting for a moment like this and this was probably the closest he’d get. He made sure his phone was in his pocket and then carefully slid the drapes away from the window. He’d opened it last night hoping today would be the day to escape. He knew that he could making a huge mistake but he didn’t know what Harvey might have planned for Phil and after what Sophia had said, he knew it was now or never.

He stepped through and with just a small jump, he was on the ground. It was about three in the afternoon. The sun was still high. He ran through backyard and up the street as quickly as he could.

 

The first thing Dan did was get home and grab his phone charger. He knew it was risky seeing as Lyle most certainly knew he was gone and probably alerted Harvey. This would be one of the first places they checked. But it was necessary. He went to a Starbucks a few blocks away and let the phone charge enough that he could turn it on. There were several missed calls and messages. Dan listened to them all. His heart ached with every worried tone in Phil’s voice.

“Dan, I don’t know what I did wrong but if it was…if it was the kiss I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to pressure you into anything and just, oh god, please call me back.”

Dan felt like he’d been stabbed. He rang Phil’s number. He had no idea what he was going to say but it didn’t matter, he just wanted him to answer.

“Dan?” The voice that picked up was tentative.

Dan wished he could apologize and say everything right then but he couldn’t. “Phil, oh my god I am so sorry. Please don’t hate me. I just haven’t had my phone the last few days and I am so sorry. Can you meet me?”

Phil must of heard his panic because he didn’t waste time with words. “Of course. Where?”

“Right now, at the entrance of Caledonian Park. You know where that is?”

“I can look it up...” Phil replied uneasily.

“Okay. I’ll see you soon then.” Then Dan added, “God I missed you,” before hanging up and ripping his phone from the wall.

 

It took Dan nearly forty-five minutes to get to the park entrance. He kept reminding himself that he’d talked to Phil, Phil was okay. He waited only a couple minutes at the parks flowerbeds before he saw Phil come around the corner. His body sagged in relief at the site of him. It was as if his spirit returned and he was human again. He’d been in a nightmare the last few days and he’d finally woken up.

Phil didn’t look quite as excited to see Dan as Dan was to see him. He ignored it and almost knocked the man over with an engulfing hug. Phil returned it awkwardly. After a few seconds though he relaxed into Dan and held him tightly.

“I didn’t know Dan. I thought I’d done something. Did…did I do something?” Phil asked carefully.

Dan pulled away. “Of course not silly! I just haven’t had my phone for a few days and I knew that if I just showed up at your house they wouldn’t let me in anyway so I just had to wait. I hated it, trust me.” Dan wanted nothing more than to just hug him again. No, he wanted more than that. He was so thrilled in that moment just to be with Phil again that he didn’t allow himself to think before he acted. He just sprung forward and kissed Phil on the lips. It was quick and nothing like their first, but it was what both of them had wanted. Phil melted a bit more and Dan had a pleasant buzz in his head from the feeling.

“Okay,” Phil said, coming to terms with what Dan had given as an explanation.

They began walking down the path. Dan didn’t have a plan after meeting up with Phil. He hadn’t thought passed just making sure he was okay. He was trying to ignore the fact that Harvey was likely looking for him right now. He’d escaped but what would be the consequences of returning? What if he simply didn’t return? The thought only occurred for a moment. It wasn’t possible. Dan had nothing to go to. He’d have to make up with Harvey when he got back. For now though, he could just enjoy Phil’s company once again.

“Um, Dan, no offense but, what have you been doing the last few days because you uh…you stink.” Phil said bluntly.

Dan laughed. “Working with my dad. Let’s just say showers haven’t exactly been available.”

“How about you come to my house and get cleaned up?”

Dan couldn’t believe that Phil was willing to just let him come to house like this and clean up. Here Dan had been gone for days, comes back in a panic demanding Phil to meet him in a park smelling like a moldy trash can and he wasn’t going to question any of it.

“That would be really nice actually.”

 

Once they’d gotten to Phil’s, Dan plugged let his phone charge. He left it turned off as he stripped and prepared for a shower. He didn’t want to get any angry messages from Harvey just yet. Harvey would probably know where to find him but at least he couldn’t get to him.

Dan smiled when he saw the clothes Phil laid out for him just inside the bathroom door. He dried his curls as best he could with the towel before slipping the clothing on. It was a pair of black skinny jeans and a green shirt with a tiger imprinted on the front. He looked at himself in the mirror and couldn’t help but laugh out loud at his odd appearance. He left Phil’s steam filled bathroom and found him sitting cross legged on the bed playing Mario Kart.

“Thanks for the clothes but I didn’t need a disguise.” Dan laughed. “No offense but it’s not exactly me.”

“Picky, picky. I could have given you the yellow shirt covered in ducks. Just saying.”

“In that case you’ve been very generous.” Dan hopped onto the bed beside him. “Practicing so you can beat me next time?”

Phil risked releasing the controller and punching Dan in the arm.

“I could distract you, you know.” Dan grinned mischievously and moved closer.

“Don’t! This is an online game!” Phil tried to swat him away.

“Oooh,” Dan said in mock amazement. He was definitely feeling like himself again. He pushed Harvey and the thought of Sophia going home today from his mind. Everything was fine. He could just have fun with Phil today. “Phil, I want to kiss you right now.” He said quietly near the mans ear. A needy groan escaped Phil’s throat and Dan chuckled. He sat back a little and looked nonchalantly around the room. “But I would have to know you really wanted to kiss me too. And I think there’s only one way to prove that.”

“What’s that?” Dan watched Phil swallow.

“Put down the control-” He didn’t get to finish. Phil practically threw the controller across the room and was on him. Dan gasped in surprise and fell backwards onto the bed with Phil half on top of him. He laughed into the kiss and pulled Phil close by wrapping his arms around him. After the initial few seconds Phil slowed their lips and they lazily moved together long enough for Dan to get dizzy and tired. Eventually Phil pulled away and Dan groaned in disagreement.

He really was very tired though. It seemed everything was catching up to him and being here with Phil completely sedated him. He felt safe. Untouchable. He laid his head back and kept his eyes closed. Phil didn’t move away from him and Dan sensed he was being stared at.

“Yes?” He questioned. A hand brushed away the curls from his forehead.

“You’re beautiful Dan.”

“And you’re delusional.” Dan said, not taking the compliment seriously.

“You’re beautiful and I think I love you.”

Dan opened his eyes and stared into the blue ones above him. He’d never been called beautiful. The words sent warmth through his veins and made him breathless. _Me?_ He thought. His doubtful thought escaped his lips.

“Me? But Phil…I’m just…”

“Dan. You’re just Dan and you’re perfect.”

“A-and love? Love _me_?” Dan felt on the verge of tears. His throat closed up and he held them back in embarrassment. “No one’s ever told me they love me.” He thought of Harvey, of all the girls he’d convinced to trust him, of his parents. No one had ever said those words. He didn’t realize the effect they would have on him. They’d always just been words said in romance movies.

Sadness came over Phil’s gaze. “No one?” The thought seemed to trouble him greatly. He leaned forward and kissed Dan again. And Dan couldn’t hold back his emotions any longer. Phil felt the wetness against his face and it only encouraged him to convince Dan further of his feelings. He kissed him deeper and ran his fingers along his arm. The touch was so ghostly and intimate. Dan gripped onto Phil’s forearm as if he were about to fall. He was sure his nails dug in painfully but Phil didn’t seem to care.

“I love you Dan.” He repeated before gently sitting back. He gave Dan one last kiss before laying beside him to stare at the ceiling. Dan searched for his hand on the comforter and held it.

“I want to tell you same thing Phil. I really do. I feel something like that towards you but I just…I don’t think I’m ready to say it.” He turned his head to look at Phil. Phil smiled at him kindly.

“It’s okay Dan. I don’t want you to say or do anything until you’re ready. That’s why I freaked out when you weren’t returning my calls. I thought I’d pushed too hard.”

Dan saw the distress in his eyes at just the thought. “You didn’t. I was scared but I’ve only done what I wanted to. I promise.”

They laid there for a long time. Dan dozed off for a few minutes even. He was so at peace. How could anything ruin this? But he knew the answer to that. Everything could ruin it. He was living a lie, but he wasn’t sure which of his lives was the lie anymore. He knew that if he had a choose though, he’d choose Phil in an instant.

 

Later, Dan suggested they do something. He wanted to avoid going home for as long as possible. Phil suggested a movie and that’s where they headed. Hand in hand they left the house and got on the tube to go to the nearest theatre. Dan was still surrounded by a warm calmness. It could be that Phil was beside him, or that he still felt loved, or that he was wearing Phil’s clothes. Whatever the reason he never wanted it to end.

Unfortunately, it ended far sooner than Dan could have anticipated. It happened when they were rounding a corner just a couple bocks from the theatre. It was late, but people were still bustling about, heading to pubs and late night dinners. Dan and Phil were chatting quietly. If Dan had been paying attention to anything other than Phil maybe he would have suspected something.

They rounded a corner onto a short street that was vacant except a lone figure leaning against the brick wall. At first neither of them thought anything of it. It could have been someone smoking or waiting for a friend. Could have been anyone. Dan continued telling a story but paused when he noticed an odd expression come over Phil.

“What is it?” He asked.

“Shh.” Phil said and stopped as he nodded ahead toward the stranger.

The man had pushed himself off the wall and was walking toward them, _at_ them. He noticed Dan and Phil hesitate and his pace quickened. Phil gripped Dan’s arm and started to push him backward. The man reached behind him and pulled out a gun. He had it pointed at them before either of them could have reacted.

“Shit!” Dan cursed and instinctually ducked.

“Whoa whoa! What do you want? You want money?” Phil started reaching into his pockets and the man directed the gun to him.

“Don’t move. Back away from the boy.” The man demanded. Phil froze and looked from Dan to the stranger. Slowly he shook his head.

“No. I can give you money. He doesn’t have money.” Phil held up what Dan guessed was money in his palm.

“Step away from him!”

Dan’s heart was pounding in his ears. It punched at his chest with each beat. “What do you want?” Dan asked, keeping one hand up defensively, as if it would stop the bullet. His body was trying to figure out whether to fight or flee. For now, he just froze.

“You boy. Just you. Don’t fight me now.” The stranger came towards them, the gun trained on Phil. “I’ll either take you alive or shoot you right now.”

“Okay, okay, hold on. Can we just talk about this?” Phil took a step back, his hand still attached to Dan who stepped back with him.

The man burst forward, shoving himself against Phil and knocking him to the ground. In an instant he had an arm wrapped around Dan, pinning his arms to his side and the gun pointed to his head. “You’re coming with me.”

But Dan was not just going to accept that fate. He jammed his elbow into the mans ribs. He grunted but didn’t let go. Dan did it over and over again. He managed to slide one arm away from the man and reached for the hand with the gun. A shot rang out and Dan flinched but didn’t stop moving. He’d at least been around guns enough in his life that the thought of them didn’t make him freeze up. This man wasn’t quite confident in his abilities and it worked to Dan’s advantage. There was a thud from behind him and the man gasped. Suddenly his body was pulled away from Dan. He swung around to find the gun clattering to the ground and the man scrambling to get to his feet and the weapon. Phil stood above him breathing hard and looking shocked.

“Phil come on! Let’s go!” Dan ushered Phil to run. It took a moment for him to return from his dazed state and then he rushed forward.

“Okay, come on.” He pushed at Dan’s back and they ran until they’d rounded several blocks.

“I have to stop Phil. I think we’re okay now.” Dan leaned against the closest building where it was dark. His body started trembling with the adrenaline that was still coursing through him. He closed his eyes and leaned over, resting his hands on his knees at he tried to breath. Phil was in the same state. He stared at the ground and worked on getting enough air to his desperate lungs.

“What the hell?!” Phil said in between breaths. Dan shook his head. He was and terrified. His life had just been threatened by someone who seemed to know who he was, and he had no idea why and who they were. If he was this bewildered and shaken he couldn’t imagine how Phil was feeling right now.

“Are you okay?” Phil asked as he stood straight and laid a hand on Dan’s back. Dan stood as well and nodded.

“I-I’m okay.” He looked at his trembling hand and laughed weakly. “I think.”

“Oh my god. Oh my _god_. What just happened? Who was that? Dang it! I should have called the police or taken a picture when I knocked him down. Something! I did nothing! Maybe we should go back.”

“Phil, I am not going back there and neither are you. He had a gun and it was pointed at _us_.”

Phil sighed. “I know, I know. I can’t believe we just ran. What if he goes after someone else?”

Dan was just grateful that Phil didn’t seem to suspect anything. He didn’t notice that the man seemed as though he _knew_ Dan. He came after him specifically. Harvey needed to know about this. Something wasn’t right. Did this have anything to do with how Harvey and Lyle had been acting lately? Surely if someone had discovered who they were and what they did Harvey would have let Dan know to be cautious. Or would he just lock Dan away like he had the last few days?

“I think I need to go home.” Dan said quietly. Phil looked at him worryingly.

“Do you want to come back to my house? I really don’t want you walking home by yourself.”

“I can get a ride. How about you?” He questioned. The last thing he wanted was Phil to be traveling home by himself too.  

“Yeah, yeah, I can get a ride too. Dan you’re shaking.”

“I’m just still shaken up, sorry.” Dan ran his hand through his hair and looked around. He should have been paying more attention in case the man followed them.

“I’ll stay here until you get a hold of your ride okay?”

Dan nodded. His mind was racing and speech seemed to come in second place. He pulled out his phone and turned it on. He expected to be met with an onslaught of calls but there was only one and a voice message. He held it to his ear and listened. It was Harvey. “Hello Dan. When you hear this it’s probably because you realized that maybe you should have listened to me. Thankfully this also means you’re still alive. I don’t give rules for no reason Dan. Call me back when you realize your mistake, which I’m going to guess will happen when you’re met in an alley with a gun to your head.”

Harvey knew this would happen. What did that mean? Had Harvey done this for some reason? To scare Dan and make sure he’d obey next time?

Harvey answered on the first ring.

“Hello Daniel.”

“Harvey!”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Get you’re fucking ass back here you moron. Lyle and Dean are on the way out the door right now.”

Dan knew he couldn’t say much with Phil right here. “Okay.” He gave him his exact location before hanging up.

“My dad will be here soon.” Dan lied.

“Good. Grace is on her way too. Are you sure you’re okay?” Phil ran his hands up and down Dan’s arms as if searching for cuts and bruises.

“I’m okay. He left less of a mark than the last guy.” He laughed lightly.

“Do things like this happen often?” Phil raised an eyebrow and brushed a curl form Dan’s forehead.

Dan acted as though to think about it for a moment. “No, not until I met you.” He smiled.

Phil’s playfulness seized. “What’s strange is that he wouldn’t take my money. What else could he have wanted?” Phil’s eyes widened at the realization and Dan’s chest tightened. “He wanted y _ou_.”

Dan tried to distract where his thoughts might be going. “Maybe he thought I was…pretty?” He said awkwardly.

Phil scrunched his eyebrows. “You think he was going to kidnap you?”

“I don’t know! He was pointing the gun at your head too!” Dan said hurriedly. “Can we just not talk about this?”

Phil’s shoulders dropped and he wrapped an arm around Dan, holding him close. “I’m sorry. It’s probably traumatic having an experience like this so close to one another. I didn’t even think about that. I’m sorry. I’m just glad I was there. Things could have gone a lot worse.”

“It’s okay.” Dan mumbled. “I’m glad you were there too.” What would have happened if Phil wasn’t there? Would Dan have fought and risked being shot? What if he’d gone with the man? Where was he going to take him and why?

They waited there for several minutes just leaning on one another. Grace pulled up first but Phil wouldn’t leave until Dan’s ride got there. Lyle and Dean were right behind her and Phil kissed Dan chastely before watching him get in the back seat. “See you soon.” He’d whispered with a look of fear still etched in his blue eyes. “Text me when you get home?”

In the back of the car Dan scooted to the middle seat and stuck his head in between Lyle and Dean. Now that he was safe and Phil was gone, anger pooled in his gut.

“What the hell is going on?! Why was a gun just pointed at my head?! Why did the man know who I was?! Why aren’t you guys telling me anything?! Did Harvey do this?!” Dan slammed his fist down on the console.

Dean remained silent and stared out the front window as though he hadn’t heard the outburst. It was Lyle who responded, and his answer was anything but satisfactory. “I told you to stay in the house.” Then he put the car in drive and pulled away.

 

Dan was grateful when Lyle drove them home and not to that gross prison house. Both men had refused to speak to him the entire way and Dan gave up quickly on asking anymore questions. He could aim his frustration at the person who rightfully deserved it anyway, Harvey.

The man was sitting on the couch. Something was on his lap that made Dan hesitate in his initial plan to instantly blow up. Dan hadn’t seen Harvey with a gun for a few years now. It wasn’t a good sign. It meant he was impatient, eager, nervous.

Harvey set the gun down beside him when Dan approached. He smiled knowingly. “You have questions. Ask.” 

His calm demeanor confused Dan. He expected him to be furious for escaping, for leaving Lyle with the girl. “Did the trade go well with Sophia?” For the first time Dan felt the need to ask this question. It was usually a given but this situation seemed different.

“She’s back with her family if that’s what you mean.”

“And the money?” Dan asked hesitantly. “Did you get what you asked for?”

Harvey didn’t answer for several long seconds. He just kept his eyes stationary on Dan’s in a way that made Dan’s anxiety heighten.

“This was a different kind of exchange. One I never imagined having to make and now that it has, I fear our entire business is at stake. And our lives.”

Dan furrowed his eyebrows. “Different kind of exchange? What other kind of exchange did we do besides money?”

Harvey shook his head disapprovingly, as if he were talking to a child. “Lives, Dan. This exchange was one life for another. The problem is that I did not appreciate his ‘offer.’”

Dan could see that Harvey was expecting him to figure this out on his own but he was even more confused than before.

“ _You_ Dan. Do you remember Laraine?”

Laraine? She was a red headed girl they’d taken several years ago. It had gone well except that Dan never could get the approval of the girl’s father. He always seemed skeptical. Rightfully so of course. “Yeah, I remember.”

“Well it seems as though he’s been spending the last three years searching for the people that took his daughter. He wanted you dead. He’s been following you Dan. We don’t know when he first found you, but it seems he’s had this plan for a while now. Dean spotted him a few months ago. So, we approached him to try and make some kind of deal that would keep his mouth shut. He got mad, threatened to take you. So, we took Sophia, his niece, instead.”

“What?!”

“He was going to expose us Dan. Everything was at stake. We’ve never had someone discover us before. We knew that as soon as he got Sophia back he would still try to go after you. That’s why I told you to stay in the house. We were taking care of things. Unfortunately, you screwed it up by sneaking out this morning. Fortunately, you somehow survived.” Harvey stood to his full height, allowing intimidation to come over his face when some might expect sympathy. “Do you know what could have happened to you if they took you Dan?” It was a rhetorical question. Dan knew what Harvey was getting at. He might’ve been tortured for information about their business, killed, who knows.

“H-he was an amateur. He didn’t know what he was doing. I don’t know whether it was the father that came after us or someone he hired but-”

“Us?” Harvey hissed, his eyes igniting with anger.

“Yeah, I was with Phil when we were attacked.” Dan felt himself wither.

“Phil was with you? He saw everything? Heard everything?” Harvey began pacing. “That’s not good Dan.”

“No, it’s okay! He didn’t suspect anything. The guy didn’t say anything to tip him off. Phil just thought we were getting mugged in an alley, I promise. It’s fine.” Dan tried to reassure him, but Harvey hadn’t stopped pacing.

Abruptly the man stood before Dan. He pointed a finger at the front door as if ordering Dan to leave right then. “Get. That. Money. Now. No more taking it easy. Got it? We need to get it and get out. We have someone out there that knows our faces, specifically yours. Phil’s money is the key. As soon as we get it, we’re out of here. So hurry.” Harvey spun and headed down the hall towards his bedroom.

Dan stood there staring at the empty hallway, his head buzzing as a throb began behind his eyes. He rubbed at his face and groaned. Their assignments always came with pressures, but this was a whole new level. Dan didn’t know what to do. He’d been out of it since…well since he met Phil. He knew that eventually he’d have to get his act together but he just kept pushing the thought away. And now that the time had come, he didn’t know where to begin.

His phone buzzed and he flinched at the sudden noise. It was Phil asking if he was home yet. Right, Dan had forgotten to tell him.

Dan Howell: Yup, home safe and sound. You?

Phil Lester: Yup :) I’m recording a video tomorrow, do you want to help me out?

Dan Howell: REALLY!? YES!

The real work had to begin.

 

Breakfast the next morning was tense to say the least. To Dan anyway. Harvey looked to be his normal self but Dan was sure Lyle and Dean felt the same way he did. They knew something was different too. The stakes were higher and everyone was on edge.

“I’m going to Phil’s today to help him film. I should have an opportunity to look around.” Dan said, trying to defuse their boss as they sat around the table eating.

“Good, I can drive you.” Dean spoke up. He didn’t make a smart remark which confirmed Dan’s previous guess about the rooms energy.

“Okay, thanks.”

Harvey said nothing.

Dan finished his bowl of cereal, put it in the sink and anxiously put his shoes on. “About ready Dean?”

Dean immediately got up from the table, abandoning his breakfast entirely. “Yup.”

They were both heading out the door, thrilled to be escaping the atmosphere when Harvey stopped them. “Hold it Dan. I have something for you.”

Dan halted in the door frame. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before turning back around. “Something for me?”

“Yes, come here.” Harvey disappeared into his room and came out holding something behind his back. “I’ve wanted you to carry one for a long time but because of recent events I believe it is necessary.” He revealed his hand and Dan froze. The object was held out to him. “Here, take it.” Harvey waved it at him. Dan looked up at him warily. Slowly he reached out and wrapped his fingers around the cold, heavy metal of a small gun.

“Why?” Dan asked.

“Do you really have to ask? Someone shot at you yesterday. Now at least you have some defense. It’ll be useful for getting out of a pinch. It’s small so that you can keep it with you all the time. Go on.” He jerked his head at the weapon.

Dan lifted his shirt and tucked the thing in his pants.

“Perfect. Can’t see a thing.” Harvey grinned. “Now go on. Get me that money.” 

 

Dan knew that the gun couldn’t be seen. But having the weapon on him made him feel self conscience on a new level. He didn’t plan on using the thing ever. He’d force himself to carry it around a few days to keep Harvey happy, but he didn’t plan on doing it for long. He couldn’t stand the anxiety that encompassed him as the gun pressed into his hip.

Him and Dean had quietly discussed Harvey’s change the last couple of weeks on the way to Phil’s. Dean admitted that he didn’t like it, that he didn’t trust Harvey like he used to. It seemed like he was desperate enough to do something stupid which he’d never been tempted to do before. They agreed to just keep alert and let each other know things that were happening. It was probably the only time him and Dean had talked seriously but he knew the man had his back.

 

Now Dan stood behind the camera in Phil’s room as he made a video. Dan wished desperately that he could pay attention to what Phil was talking about, laugh when he laughed. But he was too tense. He was trying his best to scan the room, to look for anywhere the safe may be. What if he could take the safe and get it to Harvey without Phil ever knowing? That would be perfect. Then everything would be fine and Dan could still have Phil. He hadn’t decided on how he was going to stay in London. Or more importantly how he was going to tell Harvey that he was staying in London. But he was confident in his decision. Phil’s voice was background noise to his troubled thoughts.

_“I wonder how many other things I never knew were a lie!”_

Phil’s closet was big…maybe he could be keeping it in there. Or under his bed? Was it possible there was a spot in the floor he would keep it?

_“As always thank you guys for watching!”_

Or maybe it’s not in a safe at all. They could be wrong about that. It would just be hidden in his sock drawer. _Right Dan, because someone’s going to hide half a million pounds in their socks._

“Dan? Dan are you okay?”

“What?” Dan jerked his head up. How long had he been staring at that closet? “Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry. Went into my own world.” He tried to laugh it off. Phil cocked his head, unconvinced. He must have been able to tell that Dan didn’t want to talk about it though because he redirected the conversation.

“What did you think? Was I obnoxious enough? Were the stories interesting?”

“The stories were great! You really thought those things as a kid though?” Dan raised an eyebrow and smiled. He stopped the camera from filming.

“Yup. I was gullible.”

“Are you still that way? Cause I could have some fun.”

“ _Nooo,_ I am not.” Phil rolled his eyes. He stood from his bed and came up behind Dan, wrapping his arms around his waist. “I’m not so naïve anymore.” He whispered seductively against Dan’s neck.

It tickled and Dan pushed his head back to get Phil off. “Hey!” He chuckled and tried to pull away.

“You know, we have yet to discover each other’s turn ons. What do you say?”

Dan’s stopped trying to squirm away in his shock at the suggestion. “Phil!”

“What?” He said innocently and poked a finger into Dan’s ribs. Dan squirmed again. This is certainly not what he should be doing right now. He also didn’t want to admit that he really wasn’t sure what would turn him on. With Phil things were so different. He’d never cared for someone like he did with Phil. There was also the small bit where Dan had never done anything with a man. He had no clue if different things would excite him. In other words, he was terrified and unsure. But Phil was convinced this needed to happen. Perhaps he thought Dan’s seemingly distraught mood would be fixed with a distraction.

“I kind of imagine you as a bit of a kinky person.” Phil rocked them from side to side as Dan remained stiff in his arms. He was aware of Phil’s breath on his shoulder and of the hands playing with the hem of his shirt. They hadn’t done anything besides extensive kissing. The entire thing was new to Dan and he was suddenly feeling a lot of things at once. He didn’t realize that he hadn’t answered Phil’s question until the man paused his movements and spoke again.

“Well, am I right?”

“No!” Dan said defensively.

“Mmm, I’m not convinced. I mean, you have to have something that you like.”

“Phil!”

Phil chuckled against his skin. Goose bumps raised along the warmed area. A hand snaked up his arms and cold fingers pressed to his cheeks. “You’re warm. Are you blushing?” Dan could tell just by the way he spoke that Phil was grinning.

“No.” He whined pathetically. Phil placed a hand on either side of Dan’s hips and turned him around so that they were face to face. Dan panicked for a moment. He was about to back away in fear of Phil accidentally coming in contact with the gun but Phil moved his hands away and relief flooded Dan.

“Oh, but you are.” Phil’s sparkling, amused eyes calmed and spoke more like the way Dan was used to. “Dan, can I kiss you?” He hadn’t asked that since their first kiss. The chasteness of it sent a restful wave through his chaotic mind.

“Yes.” Dan said quietly. Phil kissed him gently. He let his fingers work up and down Dan’s arm. The touch was reassuring and affectionate. His mind melted away. Soon though Phil deepened the kiss, pushing more fervently against Dan and bringing his hand up to his neck. This way he had more control and at first Dan fought it. Not by pulling away but by tensing. His mind told him _he_ needed to be controlling this. He needed to be controlling himself. Phil sensed it and eased up a bit on his grasp. Once Dan relaxed again Phil stepped closer and returned his hand to Dan’s neck. This time he relaxed when his head was turned slightly. Phil sighed breathily to Dan’s change in response and a prickle of heat went through Dan at the thought of making him react like that. Phil bit Dan’s bottom lip, pulling it slightly before releasing. There was no stopping the groan that vibrated through him. Phil tangled a hand in his hair and brought his lips to his ear.

“I want to find what makes you release.”

The whispered words sent electric pulses through his mind and body. His breath faltered. Phil continued his dirty talk.

“What if I called you princess?”

The name immediately made Dan think of Dean and he shook his head with a disapproving sound.

“Okay, okay.” Phil rubbed Dan’s back comfortingly and kissed him a few times before returning to his suggestive whispers. “What if I made you call me sir?”

Dan didn’t really like the idea of _having_ to do anything. He shook his head.

“Mmm.” Phil said, thinking as he continuously ran his fingers through Dan’s curls. Suddenly the hands paused. The man took in a breath as though he knew exactly what to do. Slowly the fingers gripped his hair again, this time more tightly. Phil kissed at his jaw and pulled on his hair until his head was forced back. Dan had to admit that the sensation was nice. He was focused enough on the gentle tug that when he felt warm wetness dragging down his neck he gasped and his eyes flew open. For a moment the sensation disappeared.

“There’s one.” And then Phil’s lips were back on his neck. They moved confidently now and the pleasure only intensified when he began sucking lightly. Dan moaned and once again closed his eyes. Heat rushed through him and he realized with a sudden rush of anxiety and shock that he could get hard from this. He _was_ getting hard. He knew that technically speaking, this was a good thing. Phil might even like to know this, but Dan was humiliated. He wondered if Phil knew what was happening. On its own accord Dan’s neck twisted to let Phil give the other side some attention. His breathing faltered and he realized that he was holding tightly onto Phil’s forearm. He released his hold in embarrassment.

“Sorry.” He muttered.

Phil grabbed his hand and placed it back where it was. “Do what feels right Daniel.”

The only person that ever called him Daniel was occasionally Harvey, but the name sounded different and more appealing coming from Phil’s mouth. Dan tried to do what Phil suggested. He tried to stop overthinking this and just do what felt natural. What he wanted was to not be the only one receiving attention. Phil had left him incapacitated with his lips and Dan needed to change that. He slid a hand up Phil’s back and into his hair. He pulled his head back with no resistance and connected their lips once again. He relaxed this way. He could calm himself from being so worked up this way.

That control didn’t last long though. A hand snaked up his shirt unexpectedly. He shivered at the coldness of it and had to rest his head on Phil’s shoulder when he started playing with his nipple. He groaned into the fabric and knew he was getting more aroused by the second. Phil removed his hand from Dan’s shirt and giving him one last kiss, stepped away.

The loss of warmth against him made him feel too open. He stared needful and hungry at Phil, begging him with his eyes to come back before he collapsed here on the floor. Phil reached a hand out to his cheek and smiled.

“You’re so beautiful Dan, and I love you.”

Dan sighed contently at the compliment, but his body was still aching for more touch. “W-we’re done? Just like that?” He couldn’t formulate full sentences. “Cause I don’t know about you but…oh…” Dan suddenly became conscious of the fact that he was still hard. His face flushed hot. “Uh, sorry. That’s humiliating.”

Phil smiled brightly. “It’s fine Dan. I’m flattered. I didn’t mean to get you so worked up but I’m also not sorry.” He laughed. His phone buzzed and he pulled it from his pocket. Dan took his distraction as an opportunity to admit something in a mumbled tone, kind of hoping Phil didn’t hear.

“It’s just that this is the first time…” He wavered in his words uncertainly.

“First time getting hard because of a guy?” Phil finished his thought and Dan cringed.

“Yeah.”

Phil walked to him again and cupped his cheek as he kissed him deeply. Dan drank in the desired touch and was about to pull him closer when Phil stepped back again, this time completely walking away and heading towards his bedroom door.

“W-what? Phil!” Dan pleaded desperately.

Phil chuckled. “That was a lot of fun Dan, and I look forward to doing it again. But you should see the look on your face, you’re not read for anything else.”

Dan’s mouth fell open. “Excuse me! But my dick begs to differ!”

Phil only laughed harder. “Go sort yourself out in the bathroom if you need to. I have to do something. I’ll be right back.” With that Phil closed the bedroom door between them and Dan was left turned on, confused, embarrassed, and desperate.

“He really did just leave.” Dan muttered to no one. He headed towards the bathroom to sort himself out when he realized suddenly that he was alone, in Phil’s bedroom. “Damn it.” He said in frustration. He had a choice; get himself off, or search for the money. He recalled the site of Harvey with his gun on the couch and the choice became easier. He felt for his own gun behind him as if double checking that it hadn’t disappeared.

The first thing he did was get on his knees and look under the bed. There was an assortment of items but none that resembled something money would be kept in. Still, just in case, he dug around and shifted things. His heart pounded anxiously in his chest. Who knew when Phil would get back and Dan certainly didn’t want to have to explain why he was snooping. Next he went to the walk-in closet and quietly slid hangers back and forth, picked shoes up, opened drawers. The only thing Dan noticed was how many colors Phil had. Was there any that he didn’t own? This made Dan smile.

Phil’s room wasn’t very large. It was decent of course. He had a walk-in closet, bathroom, queen bed, bedside tables, a desk, and several book shelves but there wasn’t anywhere he could hide the money in there. The floor was carpet so there was no way it was underneath. Dan would have to investigate the rest of the house somehow.

He was pacing while he debated on whether or not to leave the room when the door opened and Phil reappeared. Dan felt relief at not having to make that decision right then.

“Sorry, Owen needed me for something.” Phil was frowning.

“That’s okay. I kept myself entertained. So, are you going to edit the video now?”

“No way. After filming a video the last thing I want to do is stare at it for the next few hours. I know it sounds weird but it’s exhausting. I’ll do it tomorrow. I was thinking we could do a trip to the museum.”

Dan was thrilled at the idea. Anything to get him out of this house and procrastinate further on his search. “That sounds great! Let’s go.”

 

“What do you mean you didn’t have an opportunity? That’s what your job is! You’re supposed to _create_ opportunities.”

Dan bit at his lip as Harvey reprimanded him.  “I searched his entire room! I just couldn’t do the house. It’s a very large house Harvey.”

Harvey stopped pacing and shook a finger at Dan. “I don’t know why Dan, but I believe you’re stalling.”

“What?” Dan’s heart flipped.

“You’re holding back. You’ve never done stuff like this before. You get in and get a job done so why is it this time you’re pussy footing around?”

“It’s difficult! The timing is just never right! I…I’ll try something tomorrow okay?”

“Yes, you will. Anything Dan. We’re desperate now. Do you understand?” Harvey ran a hand through his hair. “Tomorrow there has to be progress. Got it?”

“I do. I’ll do something.”

Dan hadn’t a clue what he was going to do. Harvey was right, he was stalling and now panic set in. He’d promised something now and he had no plan whatsoever. He’d just have to figure it out tomorrow. He’d text Phil in the morning and ask to come over. There, that was step one. That was a good start. Better than nothing, right?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a really hard time writing the stranger in the alley scene so I'm sorry if it's really choppy :(  
> Side fact: Sophia was not supposed to be a very big part of the story. She still isn't but I surprised myself with how much she was there haha


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of a short chapter

Dan watched Phil edit his video for a while and found it very interesting. It was obvious Phil had done this many times. He was quick and fluid. He knew exactly what to cut out and where to add things. Though Dan had to admit he was glad he got to see the original first. They laughed endlessly and it was probably taking Phil much longer than normal as Dan proved to be quite the distraction. He asked questions constantly and demanded the occasional kiss. Once again, he was getting lost in being with Phil.

As if knowing how lost Dan had become again, his phone rang.

“H-hi dad.” Dan said unsurely.

“The house Dan, search the house.” Harvey said on the other line. He hung up immediately after and Dan swallowed. There was less and less of the mans patience.

Dan cleared his throat and sat on the end of Phil’s bed. “Phil, I’m bored.” He whined. Acting was usually so natural for him but right now he was struggling to come up with anything.

Phil spun in his chair. “I told you it wasn’t very exciting.” He smiled. Dan wanted to object, tell him it was actually fun and he’d been having a great time.

“Do you realize that I still have only seen the front entrance and your bedroom of this house?” Dan raised an eyebrow and sighed dramatically. “I’m starting to think you’re hiding something from me.”

Dan said it as a joke but Phil’s smile disappeared. “You’re right. We can do a little tour if you want.” But Phil didn’t seem very excited by the idea. In fact, he sounded nervous.

Dan found himself backing down for his sake even though he knew Harvey would be angry. “It’s okay, really, we don’t have to. I don’t mind.”

“No, no. You’re right. It’s kind of weird that I haven’t shown you around. It’s even less exciting than watching me edit a video but why not.” He shrugged and attempted a smile. Dan didn’t buy it but he also wasn’t going to refuse.

A few minutes later they left Phil’s room and headed down the hallway that Dan had been down dozens of times by now. This time though they stopped briefly in each one. He was certain that there was no reason for a house to have this many rooms but it was intriguing anyway. There were three bathrooms on the second floor alone, the library and four bedrooms. Three of the rooms were guest rooms and the fourth was Phil’s. The one Dan found most interesting was the library. It was massive. He also thought that this would be a good place to hide half a million pounds. He didn’t imagine it could be in any of the guest rooms. Wouldn’t want a guest of yours to accidentally stumble over a bunch of cash.

“Do you guys actually read all these books?” Dan asked, trying to stall for time in the library so he could continue scanning the room. He was looking for any place that he could try looking in later.

“No.” Phil scoffed. “It’s just a pointless collection. Many of the books just go down in my step-father’s generation.”

“It looks like one of those rooms with hidden doors behind the shelves or something.” Dan laughed but watched Phil’s features carefully for a possible hint of reveal.

Phil laughed. “If there is I sure don’t know about it. And probably wouldn’t want to.”

This perked Dan’s curiosity. “Why not?”

Phil cringed and scratched his neck as if regretting the words. “Let’s just say my father’s business isn’t always…clean. I want nothing to do with it. I imagine he does hide things somewhere.”

“Oh.” Dan said, his eyes widening. He had not expected this response at all. “Does he really want you to be a part of it?”

Phil nodded without hesitation. “Very much so.”

Dan recognized Phil’s discomfort on the subject and moved on. “Shall we?” He gestured toward the open door for the tour to continue.

 

After the tour Dan and Phil stood in the entry way. He hadn’t found anything of significant interest. The library seemed interesting and a possible place to hide the money but really it could be anywhere. What if it wasn’t even in the house? Anxiety caused Dan’s chest to squeeze. He really didn’t much information to give Harvey and he wondered what the man’s reaction would be. The only room he hadn’t been to take a look into was Owen’s office. Phil said Owen didn’t like people going in there. So the office was another possibility.

“I better go.” Dan said dishearteningly. His mind was overwhelmed and he didn’t want Phil to see him feeling this numb. He just couldn’t muster the smile that he usually had in Phil’s presence. He also didn’t want to let on that how he was feeling. That or else Phil would certainly try and cheer him up. And it would probably work. “Are you going to upload the video tonight?”

“Yeah I think so. I should be able to finish editing pretty quick.”

“I’ll look for it.” Dan smiled and was about to lean forward and peck him on the lips when a tall, thin man walked in. His stance and the aura surrounding him made the hair on Dan’s neck rise and he took a step back. In fact, his energy reminded him a lot of Harvey and his breath shortened.

“Phil.” The man called from behind. Phil closed his eyes and sighed. Dan saw a flash of something he’d never seen in Phil’s eyes before. Fear? Hate? Anxiety? He couldn’t put a finger on it. He observed Phil’s Adams apple bob up and down and wanted to step closer to him, reassure him, but something stopped him.

Phil stood straighter and turned around. “Hi Owen.” The man smiled. It was the kind of smile Dan imagined a group of business people around a conference table would have before giving their presentation. Phil took a step away form Dan.

“I was going to invite you to sit in on this meeting I’m having. Thought it would be beneficial. It seems you are busy though?” Owen looked between him and Dan skeptically. Dan remembered then that in Dean’s research it mentioned that Phil had never confessed to his family that he was bisexual. His heart sunk.

“No, no. Dan was just leaving actually.”

The tension in the room was thick as blood. “Dan?” The man’s eye brows raised. “Why do I know that name?” He tapped on his forearm as he crossed his arms.

“He was the one that I brought here after he was mugged.” Phil said tentatively.

“Aw, yes.” He held out his hand and Dan stepped forward unsurely to shake it.

“Nice to meet you.” Dan said quietly.

“So, the meeting?” Owen turned to his step-son and asked. His memory seemed to instantly do away with Dan.

“I can’t actually. I have a video to edit.” Phil said bravely. Dan could feel the anger seeping from Owen’s pores almost instantly. He didn’t like being on the side of this tension. It was clear Dan’s presence was the only thing keeping Owen from bursting.

“Hey Phil, I have to go.” Dan interjected. Phil turned to him. He smiled but his eyes burned with frustration.

“I understand. I’ll see you later?” He thrust out his hand. Dan stared at for a moment before shaking it limply. A pain shot through him that he didn’t understand. Phil must have seen it because he swallowed and his eyes watered. They pleaded with Dan to understand and forgive him.

“Okay.” Dan managed a smile before turning and walking out of the house. As soon as the front door closed behind him he had to fight back tears. Why did he suddenly feel betrayed, unimportant, lost, confused, sad, and desperate? Surely Dan would have done the same if Harvey had been standing there. Would he have though? He thought as he trekked down the long drive way. The thought of doing such a thing made him feel weak. But he didn’t think of Phil as being weak. Owen was obviously judgmental. Maybe if he found out about Phil’s preferences he’d be kicked out. Maybe Phil didn’t have anywhere else to go. Was this not the same reason Dan didn’t tell Harvey about his real feelings for their victim? It wasn’t Phil’s fault. He was just scared of Owen. And that was okay. Dan understoodd.

With that resolve he sighed and pushed the despairing thoughts away.

 

Later that night Dan got a notification that Phil had uploaded a video. He smiled and opened it. Even though he’d known what was going to be in the video he still found it funny and entertaining. He noticed the times that Phil’s gaze flickered to him behind the camera and pride spread through him.

Just as he’d finished watching the video his phone rang. It was Phil.

“Hey!” He answered with a grin. “Nice video.”

Phil gave a nervous laugh. “Ha, thanks.”

“What’s wrong?” Dan sat up straighter against his head board.

“You mean you’re not mad at me?” He asked despondently.

“Mad at you?” Dan questioned.

“Yes! Dan I’m an idiot. I’m a coward. And I am so sorry.” His voice shook with emotion. “How can you even talk to me normally right now? You should hate me.”

“Phil I-”

“I shook your hand Dan! I just stood there and acted like nothing was going on between us. I am so sorry. It’s just…I haven’t told them. I never told my mum and I certainly haven’t told Owen and I shouldn’t care what he thinks but for some reason I’m intimated by him. I hate him Dan and yet I can’t stand up to him. Not as a child and not as a grown man! And there’s something I’ve never told you.”

Phil hardly took a breath between sentences and Dan didn’t dare interrupt him. He’d never heard Phil so emotional and it made his heart ache.

He sighed before continuing. “A few years ago…I was with someone. I was in love. We’d been together for a long time but I never came out to anyone and when he asked me to and I refused he…he left me. I’m a coward Dan.”

Dan felt his own breathing quake in response to Phil’s pain. “Phil…” He said softly. “You’re not a coward. You’re just scared and that’s okay. I’m so, so sorry that happened to you but I’m not going anywhere.” Dan new instantly that his words were a lie. They had to be. Because he couldn’t stay. Soon he would have to forget about Phil. Leave him behind. He would have to leave. Agony tore through him. Despite knowing the truth his impossible promises spilled forth. “I understand Phil. I’ve been confused for a very long time about my true self and kept it from people too. I understand.” He repeated earnestly. “And Phil, you did stand up to him.”

“W-what?” Phil sniffed and Dan pictured him curled up on his bed, tears slipping down his cheeks.

“You didn’t go with him to the meeting. You didn’t want to and so you didn’t. I could tell he was angry but Phil, that was brave. That was anything but being a coward.”

Phil was quiet for a moment. “You’re right.” He stuttered.

“Phil, I am in no way mad. I’ll admit I felt...something. I was sad for a bit and I was confused.”

“But you forgive me?”

“Of course I forgive you! I love you Phil.”

The words were out before Dan even knew his lips were forming them. He heard a small gasp on the other line and smiled. He leaned his head against the head board and repeated the words more slowly out loud. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Dan didn’t regret the words for one second. He felt too strongly to even think about regret.

 

Dan had finished his breakfast and was putting on his coat. Him and Phil had planned on venturing down Regent Street and going to a bakery while window shopping and he was in desperate need of a Phil hug after yesterday’s events.

Harvey came in the front door just as Dan was leaving.

“Oh hey. I’m going out.” Dan said and tried to slide passed the man.

Harvey stepped in front of him. “Whoa, whoa. No you’re not.”

“What?” Dan asked, confused.

“We’re getting passports today.” Harvey stated plainly before walking passed him into the living room.

“Passports?” Dan furrowed his brows. Dean and Lyle looked up from the computers they had on their laps.

“Yes.”

“Why?” Dan dared asking.

“Because we’ll need them. We leave in half an hour.”

“But I’m going out with Phil.” Dan hoped the idea of getting more information from their victim would change Harvey’s mind.

“Are you going to the house to do more looking?” He asked. Dan had given him all the information he could about where the safe might be. It helped a little with the mans lowering patience level but not much.

“N-no. not quite.” Dan admitted.

“Then too bad.”

Harvey went into the kitchen without any further explanation. Dan looked at Lyle and Dean, who sat on the couch, with a questioning look. They both shrugged but everyone was clearly walking on eggshells and didn’t open their mouths.

Phil was disappointed to say the least but couldn’t have been as disappointed as Dan was. He couldn’t even explain to Phil why he couldn’t go as he didn’t have a clue himself. Spending any time at all with Harvey usually involved mistrustful silence as no one ever knew what the man was thinking and he didn’t like explaining it.

 

“How do you like carrying that gun around with ya?” Harvey asked as they drove.

It interrupted Dan from his day dreaming and he had to force himself to look away from the window. “Um. Yeah. It’s weird. I’m not sure I like it actually.”

“Do you have it on you now?”

“No.” Dan scrunched his eyebrows. “Why would I?” He was being sassy and he shouldn’t be testing out Harvey’s patience right now but he couldn’t help it.

“It’s for your safety Dan. That man could come after you at any time. You need to be prepared. It won’t take long before you enjoy having it with you. It’s reassuring. Trust me. You just never know.”

Dan was uncertain as to why they were having this conversation and shifted in his seat. “I guess.”

“You’ll get used to it. I want it with you at all times okay?”

Dan didn’t understand why he was being so unrelenting on this but didn’t think it would be good to argue. “Okay.” He said simply.

He jumped abruptly when Harvey gave him a supposedly playful punch in the arm. It was very unlike him and Dan wanted to move as far away from him as possible. “Don’t be so depressed! What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing.” Dan said cautiously. He had no idea what kind of ground he was walking on right now. 

“Okay, I was going to wait until we were leaving to tell you where we were going, let it be a little surprise. But I’m just going to tell you now. After we get Phil’s money we’re going to America!”

Dan paled. “America?”

“Yes!” Harvey threw his hands off the wheel in excitement. “I’m not sure where yet. Maybe New York or Chicago.”

“Wow, that’s exciting.” Harvey was so lost in his own thrill that he didn’t notice Dan’s lack of it.

“I know! I’ve wanted this for years. Move to America and just live. No more work.”

“It does sound nice.”

“You too Dan. You’ve been with me the whole way. You deserve this too. We just need that money.”

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan's past haunts him in more ways than one

For the next week Dan wanted nothing more than to just get hit by a bus or a taxi. Then he’d be free of Harvey and wouldn’t have to explain anything to Phil. Phil would live his life thinking Dan was exactly who he’d said he was. There was slight chance of that happening though.

He had a constant ache in his stomach. He couldn’t think straight. He found himself distracted most hours of the day by blank thoughts. Harvey, Lyle, Dean, Phil, they all had to constantly repeat themselves. His housemates didn’t care as much. They didn’t think about his mood. Phil though, Phil noticed. He couldn’t hide anything from Phil. And it only made Dan despair more when his sadness affected the person closest to him.

“Dan, I know you’re more of a…private person, but I’m worried about you.”

They were sitting at Starbucks sipping slowly at their drinks. It was a frigid day and Dan wished he hadn’t had to get out of bed. But he could rarely say no to Phil who was always so eager to see him, to hug him and kiss him and do things for him. Dan adored the attention of course, but lately, he just couldn’t shake the dark reality that was soon to come. Every moment he spent with Phil was one he’d keep sacred in his memory after he left. And yet, he couldn’t dream of leaving.

Dan looked up from the table when a hand laid across his own. He had to look away from Phil’s caring gaze though. It would break him. Dan felt like a splintering vase. He couldn’t hold it together much longer and every time Phil did something that was affectionate and loving, he wanted to explain everything.

“Phil I…I don’t know what’s wrong. I’m sorry that I’ve been acting the way I have. I hate it. I know you’ve noticed but I don’t know what to tell you because…I just can’t.”

“Can’t find the words or can’t tell me?” He asked worryingly.

Dan forced himself to look into Phil’s eyes. “Neither…I guess. I don’t know. I’m sorry.” Dan shook his head fervently. He needed to steer away from this conversation.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I will never insist you tell me anything okay? I understand that you’re a private person and that’s perfectly okay. We all have secrets, concerns, fears. We’re individuals and we don’t have to tell someone our every thought. I learned that a while away.”

Dan was softened by the words. He thought about them curiously. He’d always imagined that once you found the person you wanted to spend your life with you had to tell them everything. He’d never imagined you could keep some things to yourself. “Thank you.” He said thoughtfully. Phil smiled at him and raised his hand to place a soft kiss on Dan’s knuckles. A bit of ease wafted through Dan’s mind at the innocent touch and he smiled.

Dan thought nothing of it when the coffee shops door swung open. He went back to sipping at his drink. He didn’t notice a figure coming in their direction. He thought nothing when the shadow passed by them. He didn’t hear the gasp behind him. But he did take notice of the shadow taking several steps back. Dan didn’t look up. He didn’t imagine that the figure was staring at _him_. It wasn’t until the shadow had been looming near him for longer than what would be normal that he looked up. His body immediately froze when his eyes connected with the figure, the girl. Neither of them said a word. They just stared, unblinking at the other. Dan’s heart pumped wildly and he couldn’t breathe. Phil was gazing out the window and Dan knew that he needed to act. He slowly raised his hand and put a finger to his lips. His eyes begged that Sophia would remain quiet. He pleaded that she not say a word or a sound. But the girl continued to stand there and tears started pricking at her eyes. Her hands started shaking at her side.

Phil became aware of the stranger standing so close to them and turned. He smiled at the girl. “Hello.” He said kindly. When she didn’t remove her gaze from Dan he looked from Dan to the girl. “Can we help you?” He asked, clearly confused.

“Dan.” Sophia breathed out. Her voice shook. Dan shook his head. “Dan.” She repeated, louder this time.

Dan stood, abandoning his cup. “Phil, let’s go.” He said, urgently beckoning Phil to follow.

“Dan.” The girl wailed as a tear cascaded down her cheek.

Phil stood, his eyebrows furrowed and his motions hesitant, but he came to Dan’s side. The girl broke free from her frozen stance and looked from Dan to Phil. “Phil? Phil!” Her eyes widened. Dan knew that the connection had been made in her mind and they needed to leave. Now. Dan grabbed Phil’s hand and tugged him past the girl. Phil was hesitant. He watched the girl, mouth open like he wanted to say something but he was so confused.

“Dan, wait.” He tried. Dan didn’t stop, he dragged Phil toward the front door. Sophia took a few steps toward them but made no attempt to follow.

“Run Phil! You need to run! Get away!” She screamed after them. “They’re going to-”

The door closed behind them as they stepped from the shop. Dan gripped Phil tightly as he forced their way through the crowd of people. Of course it had to be rush hour. But maybe this was good. They could get lost in the crowd.

“Dan! Dan!” Phil tried to reason with him, but all Dan knew was that they needed to get away. Sophia could ruin everything. Maybe she already had. Dan stopped on the side of the road and waved a taxi over. He ushered Phil into it and went in after him.

“Give him your address.” Dan ordered as he hung his head. Phil gaped at him for a few seconds before giving the driver the address. Dan knew what was about to come. Questions and accusations. He had no answer for them. He couldn’t deny that the girl new him or that he knew her. How was going to explain why she was so distraught after seeing him, or why Dan said nothing to a girl obviously in distress, and then of course dragging Phil from the building and forcing him into the taxi. Lets not forget the warning Sophia gave. What would he think of that? He couldn’t blame the encounter on a crazed ex-girlfriend. Sophia was obviously too young.

Phil managed to stay quiet for a few minutes. It allowed Dan to prepare somewhat. In the end though, he had nothing.

“Dan…what just happened? Who was that?” Phil spoke quietly and calmly but Dan heard the unease etched in.

Dan finally say up straight and turned to Phil. Fear must have been so evident in his eyes. He couldn’t hold it back. He couldn’t pretend. Everything was so close to falling apart and he couldn’t handle it.

“You know how you said in there that some people have secrets?”

Phil swallowed anxiously “Y-yeah.

“And that you don’t think people should have to give up all their secrets, even to people that are most important to them in their lives? That’s what you were saying right?” Dan asked.

“Yes.” Phil didn’t seem so sure of his past words anymore and Dan hated using them against him.

“For now, can we just not talk about this? This is one of my secrets and I didn’t think it would ever come back to haunt me like this, ever. Please, please don’t make me tell you right now.” Dan sobbed and prayed that the driver couldn’t hear their conversation.

Phil gawked at him, shaking his head. He was clearly battling with what to do. But Dan knew that if he had to explain this right now, he’d lose Phil. He’d lose him right then and he couldn’t imagine that, as much as he deserved it.

“Okay.” Phil said after what felt like minutes of silence. “You don’t have to tell me. But Dan, is everything okay?”

The question added another crack into the vase. “Yes, everything is okay.” Dan forced the lie through his lips. Forced his hand to grip onto Phil’s to reassure him. Phil kissed him gently and Dan savored the feeling. It was going to one of his last. He just knew it. There couldn’t be much time left in this fantasy world.

 

Dan went home after dropping Phil off. Phil didn’t ask why and Dan didn’t explain. Today had changed everything. As soon as Phil had gone inside Lyle called.

“I’m down the street. Get in the car. Now. I saw everything Dan.”

“I’ll get out here too actually.” Dan told the taxi and paid him.

Dan didn’t bother replying to Lyle. He hung up and trudged to the end of the drive way where the man was parked. He got in the car and it pulled away.

“This is bad Dan, this is really bad.”

“It’s not my fault!” Dan choked out. “How was I supposed to know she would come in?! I didn’t know what to do! She wouldn’t leave! I tried Lyle, I promise I tried to tell her to be quiet and she then she just-”

“Just what? What did she do?” Lyle said in a panic.

“She told him to run. She told Phil he should run and that he needed to get away. We got out before he heard anything else.”

“And then what? Did he just laugh it off?!” Lyle demanded.

“No of course not!” Dan yelled. “He was very confused Lyle. Of course he was confused and scared and he asked me questions. I begged him to just not make me talk about right now though. That everyone has secrets and everything was fine but I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“And that shut him up?”

“Yes.” Dan said quietly. He wrung his hands and felt the need to just leap out of the car. He didn’t want to deal with this right now. He wanted to shut off his brain.

Lyle sighed heavily. “I know it’s not your fault Dan.” He said, lowering his voice from before. “It’s just…this probably fucked everything up.”

“I know.” Dan admitted. Though it wasn’t the assignment he was thinking of.

“We need to tell Harvey.”

Dan’s head shot up. “No! Lyle please no!”

Lyle pulled the car over on the side of the road, put it in park, and turned in his seat. “Dan,” he said gently. He sounded more like a chastising parent than what he really was. “We had a mission. Get the money. That was it. Now, I’ve been with you from the start just like all the previous victims and I can’t deny that something was different here. Am I right?”

Dan searched the mans eyes. He knew. Of course he knew. He’d known Dan for too long. He’d seen him at work. He knew when Dan was lying. And when he wasn’t. He’d seen all of Dan’s characters and skills. Lyle saw the truth easily enough. So would anyone else in his position. Dan didn’t have to admit it.

“The way you are with Phil…the Dan I’ve seen in the last couple months is different than anything I’ve seen in you. You’re happy and content. I can see it, feel it. You’re different at home now.”

“Phil is my home.” Dan said, staring at his lap. Tears burned down his cheeks. He’d wanted to admit it out loud for so long and it felt good, as well as painful, to finally say it. “I love him Lyle. I’ve told him as much. I didn’t mean for this to happen. Of course I didn’t. It just happened and now…now its too late and everything is ruined.”

“Yes it is.” Lyle didn’t deny it. “But we do what we have to do in order to survive and Dan, you need to finish this.”

Dan raised his head. “I can’t. Lyle I can’t.” He shook his head.

“Listen to me Dan. We don’t have a choice. We haven’t outwardly acknowledged it but we all know that something isn’t right with Harvey. He’s lost it. I don’t know why but he’s dangerous now. You _have_ to finish this. I didn’t want to say anything until afterward but Dean and I have talked and this is the last one. After Phil, we’re out. It goes without saying that Harvey cannot know about this.” He shook a finger a Dan. “And you’re welcome to escape with us.”

Dan was shaking his head before Lyle even finished. “I-I can’t. He’d find me. And he’s done so much for me.” He’d never even considered leaving Harvey. The second the thought ever came into his thinking he pushed it away It was unthinkable.

Lyle’s forehead creased, and anger emitted from him. “He’s done nothing Dan! He dragged you into this! You owe him nothing and don’t you dare convince yourself otherwise! You’re great at acting Dan, it’s a skill you possess but you use it use it against yourself and it does you no good. Get away from him Dan. Get away.” The man urged him earnestly.

 _“You need to run! Get away!”_ Sophia’s warning cry to Phil echoed.

“I…I don’t know.” Dan’s thoughts muddled together. The pressure was too much to handle right then. He buried his head in his hands and tried desperately to just stop thinking. Guilt wracked his core. He felt guild for wanting to betray Harvey, for already betraying Phil is so many different ways. Deep down he knew Lyle was right and he was glad to hear that they were out after this but he couldn’t accept a different route for his own future. He’d never had a choice. He’d never tried to expand his options. Since the day Harvey took him in, saved him really, he hadn’t allowed himself to desire anything more than what was allotted him.

His eyes scanned the people walking passed their car. They had normal lives. They were heading to work, to their families, shopping, getting coffee, chatting with friends. They made being normal look so easy. Could Dan ever have something like that? After the life he’d experienced so far, likely not.

“I can’t imagine myself like these people.” He said solemnly.

Lyle let silence elapse for a minute. “You haven’t known anything different for so long, I can see why that would be an issue. He picked you up young didn’t he?” The question was asked tentatively. It was a known touchy subject. Dan didn’t enjoy talking about how he came to be putty in the hands of an abductor. Lyle and Dean knew the gist of the story but they never asked for details. They likely weren’t even sure that what they did know was accurate.

“Yes.” Dan said simply. Despite years of blocking that day from his mind, the wall between that memory and the rest wavered and Dan glimpsed himself as a young child happily playing in his front yard. Suddenly arms wrapped around his small torso and hauled him away from his toys. A hand covered his mouth as a scream ripped from his throat at seeing the strangers face and moments later he was in the back of an unfamiliar car. He never saw his parents again.

He blinked the memory away and forced his gaze out the window. He had no desire to continue where that flashback lead. Days of terror, fear, and confusion. And that’s where his mind always cut it off.

“Just take us home please.”

 

“She not only saw you, but she spoke to you?” Dean clarified after Lyle explained the events of the day.

Dan nodded. He’d hardly looked up from the floor since he walked in the front door. Lyle was the one to gather the crew and tell the story and express his concerns. Harvey was pacing the living room like a caged predator.

“This is real bad Dan.” He said, scratching at the stubble on his face anxiously. “She’s going to tell her father. He’ll come looking for us again, if he stopped to begin with. Only this time he has an idea of where to look.”

“It’s also doubtful he’ll believe it was an accident they came across one another. He might imagine we’re going to take her again.” Dean added.

“Phil’s going to be extremely uncertain now. We need to act fast.” Harvey turned toward Dan who looked up. “You know what that means. We need results and now. You have three days Dan. Three days to find that safe and if you can’t find it then we’ll use other means to find its location.”

Dan’s head cleared at the implication. “What do you mean?” He asked hurriedly. Lyle shot him a warning glance but Dan couldn’t hold back his panic. “We can’t take him Harvey, that wasn’t part of the plan.”

Harvey glared dangerously at him and his tone was menacing. “Sometimes plans have to change Dan. If you’d done your job from the beginning we could be on our way to New York already. So get it done and keep your gun handy.” Harvey stocked out the front door and the three left stood in strained silence.

 “Dan,” Lyle said carefully. “Do you realize the danger you put us all in if he suspects what Dean and I already know?”

Dan knew he was referring to his bond with their victim and he looked away shamefully. Yes, of course he knew but his current emotions and mental state were messing with his ability to lie, despite the possible consequences. “I know, I’m sorry.”

“We feel for you Dan, we really do. But we have to get through the next three days.”

Dan composed himself. “I understand.”

 

Phil Lester: I’m sorry Dan! I really am :(  I just have some things to do today. Maybe tonight we can do something? Check out movie times and let me know! Love you!

Dan chucked his phone across his bed and groaned into his hands. He’d tried everything to get together with Phil today. He’d pleaded, complained, and whined. He’d even apologized thinking that maybe yesterday’s events had scared Phil away. That maybe he was taking Sophia’s advice and was going to keep his distance from Dan. But Phil insisted he just couldn’t push off todays errands and that it had nothing to do with Dan. Dan was skeptical but there was nothing more he could do.

He shoved a pillow over his face as stress pounded his skull. He reached blindly for his PS4 controller. He needed something to numb his mind.

His door suddenly slammed open and he jumped, removing the pillow from his face. Lyle stood in the door way looking groggy and confused. “What are you doing?”

Dan raised and eyebrow and held up his controller without a word.

“It’s nearly three in the afternoon! Why aren’t you with Phil?”

“He can’t get together today.” Dan rolled his eyes and debated burying his head in the pillow again.

“Are you kidding me? Was yesterday not enough of a warning for you Dan?”

Dan sat bolt upright. “Do you think I would be _here_ if I could be over there? He _can’t_ see me today! Errands or something.” He mumbled the last words, desperate to just leave this conversation and numb his mind. “He said maybe tonight.”

“Alright, fine.” Lyle sighed. “But you need to get out of the house.”

Dan scrunched his eyebrows. “Why?”

“Because if Harvey comes back and sees you here you know what he’s going to think. I don’t care whether you can help it or not. He needs to think you’re out there.”

“But I-” Dan started but Lyle didn’t let him finish.

“Just trust me.” The mans eyes softened and Dan new that he was only trying to protect him.

“Alright. I’ll go then…”

“Thank you.” Lyle sighed and shut the door.

 

Dan left fifteen minutes later. He didn’t know where he was heading but found himself venturing to The Broadwalk Café. He ordered a hot chocolate and ice cream and sat on the same bench he and Phil had on their first official date. The spot brought back memories of sweet conversations with a tall handsome stranger and watching his blue eyes curiously. It seemed to Dan that he was an entirely different person just that short while ago. Phil had showed him so much since then. And he only had three, no…two days left with him. And then what? Dan wondered. What would happen to Phil? Where would Dan be? Dan didn’t want to think of these things. He stood from the bench as soon as the last bite of his cone was gone. He wondered around the park, went into a couple shops he could never afford, people watched from atop Westminster Bridge. Tourist went to and from the aquarium and the London Eye. Dan pictures himself in a life like there’s. What if he’d met Phil for real that first time? What if he’d actually been mugged and saved? What if he’d actually felt brave enough to ask Phil out on a date despite his self conflictions? What if he’d been able to go on dates without the pressure of his second life? He imagined himself walking the Pier hand in hand with Phil guiltless and happy.

They were pointless fantasies that made his heart ache and yet he didn’t want to stop dreaming.

 

Dan managed to keep himself busy for a few hours. Soon though, he had to head home. He’d waited to hear from Phil hoping he’d tell him his errands were done and he could come over but alas he had to return and come up with some lie to tell Harvey. Dan texted Lyle and Dean to let them know he was on his way home. He didn’t check his phone until he was walking down the street to the apartment. He stopped when he saw a list of unread messages.

Lyle: Don’t come home.

Lyle: Did you get my message?

Lyle: DON’T COME HOME

Lyle: Look at your phone dammit! Don’t come home Dan! Text me back when you get this.

“What the…?” Dan muttered under his breath. He looked up to where his bedroom window was in view. What could Lyle possibly be worried about? Was Harvey in a bad mood and he didn’t want Dan to face it? Maybe he didn’t think Dan could handle it with the way he’d been feeling.

None the less curiosity got the best of him and he cautiously approached the apartment. He walked up the steps slowly and stood outside the front door unsure of whether to just walk in. Should he text Lyle and let him know it was too late, that he was already here? He reached up to turn the handle only to have to door suddenly ripped open. He stepped back in surprise.

“What the hell boy!? Look at your damn phone more often!” Lyle screeched at him and purposely blocked Dan from the doorway.

“Sorry, I just-” Dan saw movement from behind the man and tried to look over him. “What’s going on in-”

“I told you not to come home. Leave. Now. Trust me Dan, you don’t want to be here right now.”

“Let him in!” Harvey interrupted from the living room. “Let him in Lyle, he’ll want to see this.” Dan watched Lyle squeeze the door handle and close his eyes.

“You shouldn’t have come Dan.” He whispered. “You shouldn’t have to see this. I’m sorry.” The man stepped back.

Dan swallowed and stepped into the apartment. Unsure of what he was going to be facing he wanted to leave the door open for an easy escape but Harvey didn’t give him that option. He slammed the door shut behind Dan.

At first Dan didn’t sense anything different. Then he saw Dean leaning over something…no, some _one_ lying on the couch. Harvey stalked over to the person and begun roughly going through their pockets. It was then that Dan realized this stranger wasn’t moving. Dean stepped back. His eyes met Dan’s and immediately cast downward as he walked away, his hand covering his mouth.

“Meet your murderer Dan.” Harvey stated. He sounded almost…happy. Thrilled even.

“My what?”

“This is the man that tried and thankfully failed to kill you. We don’t have to worry about that anymore though now we boys?” He laughed and looked around for support from his crew. He found none. Everyone stood stock still and silent. Dan took another step forward and glanced warily down at the limp man on their couch. His breath caught his throat when he saw blood staining the white shirt of the man.

“Harvey…” Dan said in disbelief. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. His mind fogged over and a high pitched buzzing started in his ears. He felt like he was going to vomit or pass out. He felt an hand around his arm and wondered if he was swaying.

“We don’t have to worry now Dan! Everything will be okay now. I mean, we still have to leave but we don’t have to think about leaving this guy behind with all his knowledge. Who knows what he’d do to find us after that mess. I’d start packing your things boy. I’ve got to take care of this.” Harvey wiped the sweat from his forehead. He had a smile on his face bigger than Dan had ever seen. He’d lost it. He’d officially lost it and Dan was stuck with him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be posting the rest of the story today


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything falls apart

Dan didn’t think before he tore away from the hand that steadied him and out of the apartment. His lungs couldn’t keep up with the air that they were demanding. He ran down the street as quickly as his numb legs would carry him. His vision started speckling with black and next thing he knew he was on the ground. He heard his gun skid across the pavement and leaped upwards. He scrambled for the weapon and stuffed in the back of his pants as he nervously searched the neighborhood. Had anyone seen it? He stumbled forward and began running again. A whine escaped his throat as the image of the dead bloodied man came to the forefront of his mind. Harvey had lost it. And Dan was a part of it. He thought about going to the police but the idea was fleeting. He’d have to explain everything and he’d be behind bars for the rest of his life.

Dan didn’t realize where he was heading until he was walking up Phil’s drive way. Tears burned his eyes at just the thought of being held by Phil. He wiped them away. He couldn’t be this hysterical when Phil saw him. He’d think the worst. Probably not worse enough but Dan couldn’t have that. He didn’t know what he was going to do. All he knew was that right now, he needed Phil. He pulled out his phone and texted him.

Dan Howell: Hey, I’m outside. Can you come get me?

Dan paced in front of the house. The guards watched him seemingly unconcerned until finally there was a response.

Phil Lester: That’s a surprise! Be there in a sec.

Dan stopped pacing and closed his eyes. He held his hands out in front of him and took in slow deep breaths until their shaking had stopped. He straightened himself, pushed the gross image from his mind and all in all tried to look as though he hadn’t just seen a dead man. A man that was dead in part because of him.

The door opened and Dan spun around. Phil stood there and when they made eye contact his head tilted curiously. Dan went to him quickly. He nearly knocked Phil over with an embrace. Phil didn’t hesitate before doing the same and nuzzling his face into Dan’s neck.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”  

Dan shook his head against Phil’s shoulder. “I just needed you.” Dan felt him smile against his skin and his insides melted.

“Lets go up to my room okay?” Phil suggested after a few moments.

“Okay.” Dan agreed and followed him hand in hand upstairs.

In his room Phil shut the door and loosened his hold on Dan’s hand. Dan subconsciously gripped tighter, keeping him there.

“Sorry.” He mumbled when he realized and forced his finger to unlace.

Phil watched him kindly. “It’s okay. Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

The weak barrier keeping Dan together shook and he almost let the tears burst forth. Instead he let his body sag and just shook his head. “Can I just…can we just…Phil?” Dan looked up at him. “Can you just hold me?” He folded his arms timidly and held himself tightly.

Moments later Phil’s hand was cupping his elbow and directing him to the bed. He followed willingly and let Phil guide him up to the pillows where they both laid down. Dan may have been in a detached state but he made sure to slip his hands in the back of his jeans and remove the gun. He slid it beneath the pillow where his head lay as Phil crawled onto the bed and scooted close to him, draping an arm over Dan’s waist and drawing their foreheads together. Dan gripped the front of Phil’s shirt as if desperate to make sure he stayed right there. He closed his eyes and sighed raggedly.

“Thank you.”

His mind and body shut down at that moment. They’d declared Dan unfit for consciousness and he fell into a dark, fitful, oblivion.

 

Dan remembered nothing of his sleep. He awoke when cold fingers grazed his forehead. His eyes fluttered open and for the moment that Phil’s blurry face filled his vision he felt peace. The man smiled down at him and Dan reached for him, ran a hand down his arm just to make sure he really was there.

“Are you alright now Dan?” Phil asked softly.

It was then that Dan remembered why he was there. His body stiffened, and his breath stilled. Phil must have seen the change and maneuvered himself closer.

“Hey, it’s okay. Never mind. Forget I asked. We can talk about it later okay?” He brushed his fingertips along Dan’s cheek and Dan leaned into the touch. The touch was a comforting distraction that he welcomed. When the fingers disappeared, his eyes opened in disappointment. “How about some Mario Kart?”

Dan didn’t want to move. He didn’t want to think A dull pain was slowly making its way back into his core and he dreaded being fully awake.

“After that we can go get some cake from the kitchen.” Phil waggled his eyebrows, forcing a smile from Dan.

“Okay.” He agreed. It took everything for him to sit upright, to hold a controller in his hand, to focus on the screen in front of him. Winning wasn’t possible. He couldn’t banter with Phil as they usually did. He mindlessly turned this way and that on the track. He just kept reminding himself to look ahead and not start thinking. He couldn’t start thinking. The only thing Dan was aware of was how hard Phil was trying to cheer him up. His worry was written all over his face. He was being more affectionate than usual and saying things to make Dan smile. Dan felt horrible for his incapability to fake happiness. He hated Phil seeing him like this and yet he knew he’d be worse off if he weren’t here. He did his best to acknowledge Phil’s tries.

After an hour of gaming Phil gently took the controller from Dan’s hands and set it aside.

“Dan, why did you come here? Something is wrong. Something ahs been wrong for days now and you wont talk to me. I feel like I’m losing you. Please, tell me something.” Phil pleaded. He caught Dan’s eyes with his own.

Dan didn’t know what prompted his words but something did and later he would be glad they were said. Dan was uncertain about a lot of things that would happen in the next possible twenty-four hours but there was one thing he wasn’t afraid of.

“Phil, if your life was in my hands, would you trust me?”

Phil withdrew from him slightly, causing a prickling sensation in Dan’s palms as nerves coursed through him. “Dan…what kind of question is that?”

Dan seemingly ignored the return question. “I still owe you, you now. I still owe you for saving me that day.”

Phil shook his head. “Is this what this is about?” He looked bewildered. “You owe me nothing.”

Life finally returned to Dan in the form of determination. It strengthened him just enough to feel a droplet of confidence return to him. “I owe you everything. And I’ll repay you soon. I promise. But I have to know that you trust me first.”

Phil hesitated before responding. It wasn’t because he didn’t trust Dan. He was just unsettled by this entire encounter. “Y-yes Dan. I do. Why would you have to ask that though?”

Dan replied by leaning in and kissing him lightly on the lips. “Did you say that there was cake?”

 

Phil was kissing Dan. It was a slow but consistent and sympathetic. It wasn’t what Dan wanted right then. Phil was treating him like a china doll. He didn’t deserve that kind of loving treatment though. He didn’t deserve Phil at all. He admitted that the kissing was a nice distraction from his dark thoughts, but he needed more. He wanted Phil to get mad at him, to hate him. To push him away so that Dan could leave and feel slightly less guilty. It was all entirely selfish. He needed to push Phil.

Dan deepened the kiss, being rather rough about introducing his tongue. He tasted the red velvet cake on Phil’s tongue and dug deeper. At first Phil moaned, and then when Dan gripped onto his shoulders and pushed forward fervently the moan turned into a gasp of surprise. They’d always been tender with one another. Normally that loving attention was exactly what Dan wanted. But he no longer felt worthy of that kind of pleasure. He wanted to punish himself. And the best way to do that was to make Phil do it some way.

He bit Phil’s lip before diving back in to suck on his tongue. Phil’s eyes opened wide and he tried to pull back. But Dan’s grip on him was solid. He put a hand on Dan’s chest and pushed him back.

“Dan!” He gasped. “What is this about?”

Dan just shook his head, his eyes lost in another sense. “Please.” He said before connecting their lips once again. He could feel Phil stiffen, perhaps about to push him away again. Dan relented slightly. He couldn’t lose him already. He needed this but he’d have to play by Phil’s rules too. With Dan backing down slightly Phil fell back into it, though still slightly hesitant. _He’ll do it. He knows what I want. He doesn’t know why but he knows what I want and he always tries to make people happy so he’ll give in._ Dan told himself as he waited impatiently for his words to come true. He was a master at this, at manipulation. He knew how to work people. He could do this. _Do what? Convince Phil to hurt you? Yeah right._ Another voice echoed within him. The thought only angered him and he responded by another bite to Phil’s lip.

Phil could sense Dan holding back from doing what he wanted and that lip bite was a piece of his self-control wavering. He gave in. Just like Dan had anticipated. Phil tentatively bit back, adding more pressure into his kiss. Dan smiled pridefully, feeling a bit of his old self return to him. He moaned to encourage Phil to continue and that was all it took. Finally Phil took control. Dan fought it ever step of the way at first. He knew Phil wouldn’t let that happen for long. Still, as Phil lowered Dan onto his bed he didn’t get angry when Dan dug his nails into his forearm. So Dan upped it once Phil had climbed atop him by scratching his nails downward. Phil balanced on one hand and grabbed both of Dan’s wrist with his other, pinning them above his head. Dan felt himself getting more aroused and bucked his hips up.

Phil lowered his face to Dan’s. “You’re hurting me.” He whispered warningly. Dan smiled and tried to pull his hands from Phil’s grasp. Phil grinned when Dan didn’t get anywhere. “Uh-oh.” He said as he stuck his tongue out and licked a spot on Dan’s neck, sucking on it moments later.

Dan gasped and wriggled. _No, NO!_ He screamed at himself. This felt too good. It wasn’t supposed to feel good. He felt himself desperate to escape. He wanted to _hurt_. Finally he got an arm free and immediately wrapped it around Phil’s back, scratching his spine. Phil was forced to stop pleasuring Dan’s neck to wince.

“What are you doing?” He questioned as he reached behind to grab Dan’s escaped hand. But to do so he’d released Dan’s other wrist. He didn’t hesitate before grabbing the edge of Phil’s shirt and tugging. Phil sat up to take it off himself and then did the same for Dan. He looked down at his now visible arm. “Look at what you did.” He looked a little surprised. Dan worked one hand at Phil’s pant button while the other snaked back and grabbed the obvious red marks. Phil’s eyes lit up and he leaned back. He was finally able to get a hold of both of Dan’s wrists again and held them against his chest. He stared down at Dan with confused eyes. There was no anger in them and this infuriated Dan. He shoved his hips upward to try and knock Phil off him.

“Dan, Dan,” Phil called. “ _Dan_. Dan, stop.” He begged when Dan didn’t respond except to emit a strangled kind of noise from his throat. He was growing exhausted and he realized that the more he pushed back, the less control he had. Hot tears started down his cheeks.

“Hurt me damn it! Why won’t you hurt me!” Dan screamed before he could stop himself. His body gave up the fight and sagged beneath Phil’s weight.

“Shhhh, shhhh.” Phil said softy above him. Dan closed his eyes and let the tears slip from his cheeks. “Dan open your eyes, please.” The pain in Phil’s voice convinced Dan to obey. He looked up into Phil’s anguished blue gaze. He glanced at the red marks on his arm that were oozing the smallest droplets of blood and cried harder. “Oh Dan, I won’t ever hurt you. Why would you want me to hurt you?” Phil released Dan’s wrist and slid to the side of him. He encompassed Dan in a hug and held him, whispering kind words into his ear.

Dan’s crying slowed minutes later and then he finally spoke. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Phil placed a kiss on his cheek and wiped away stray tears. “It’s okay. I love you so much Dan. I would never hurt you.”

“I know!” Dan said angrily. Phil flinched at the abrupt harshness but didn’t pull away. “I know.” Dan said more quietly. “That’s what makes me mad because I deserve it Phil. You’ll see, I deserve it and soon you’re going to wish you’d hurt me.”

“Never.” Phil insisted, nuzzling against Dan’s shoulder.

For the second time that day Dan fell asleep in Phil’s arms. This time though, the sleep was not as deep. He dreamed of bodies and blood and Harvey pointing a gun at Phil’s head. He cried in his sleep and woke up at least twice to Phil reassuring him that everything was okay only to fall back into a world of nightmares.

 

When Dan finally woke up, he found himself under a pile of blankets. Panic surged through him suddenly and he reached under his pillow. He sighed in relief when the cold metal touched his skin. He pulled his hand back and felt a body shift behind him. He turned his head to see Phil sleeping peacefully behind him. His head on his own pillow but his hand resting on Dan’s waist. Dan felt a finger twitch on his hip and scooted backwards slightly. His bare back bumped against Phil’s uncovered chest and the memories of the previous evening collapsed inward on his mind. Phil was sleeping on his scratched arm and shoulder, but Dan didn’t need to see it to remind himself of what he’d tried to make Phil do to him. _“I won’t ever hurt you_ ,” Phil had said to him. _Oh but you’ll want to Phil, you’ll want to so badly._ Sooner or later Dan was going to have to explain himself or leave this room. One wasn’t going to happen without the other.

Where would he go after he left? He couldn’t very well return to Harvey. Surely Harvey didn’t expect him to either. Dan was homeless now. He had no one and no where to go. The last person that he could rely on would kick him out today. Tell him he never waned to see him again. Maybe then Phil really would hurt him.

Just then Phil’s breathing changed. He took in a deep breath and shifted onto his back. His hand rubbed Dan’s hip briefly before retracting. Dan took a deep breath and savored the act of affection because today was it. Phil needed to know the truth today. This act couldn’t be dragged on any longer. Pain wracked his stomach and chest. He hid it behind lidded eyes. Fingers ghosted down his arm and a breath shuttered out of him that he’d been trying to control. He needed to control himself for just a little longer.

Dan felt Phil slip out from the under the covers and watched him go into the bathroom. A sudden realization came to Dan. What if after Dan left Harvey didn’t stop? What if he needed this money so badly that he came after Phil himself? Dan threw the covers off himself, his heart suddenly racing. That’s exactly what would happen. Harvey had never just given up. That was ridiculous. He couldn’t handle the failure such an act would do to him.

Dan had looked all over this room but maybe he’d missed something. If he could find it Harvey would have no reason to come back. Dan got to his knees and shifted things under Phil’s bed. Could it be under the floor here? The sink turned on in the bathroom.

Dan heard a low vibration that made him freeze. He realized that it was his phone on the bed. He pushed himself up and shuffled around the sheets. It was probably Harvey. Dan could lie, Dan could act. He could tell him he found the money and then after he explained things to Phil, Phil would understand that he needed to give up the money or his life depended on it. Yes, yes this could work. Hope spurred in Dan. The phone stopped ringing and then immediately started up again.

Dan finally found it and answered. “Harvey? Harvey! It’s oaky, everything will be okay.” The words rushed from his mouth.

“Dan, unless you have a wad of cash in your hand when you back up, everything is not okay.” Harvey hissed.

“Back up?” Dan stepped back several steps and was looking out the window.

“There you go. Now I can see you. And there’s no cash.”

“B-but its here Harvey! I promise!” Dan knew how pathetic and desperate he sounded.

“I am aware of your…concern for this man and if I had seen it earlier we wouldn’t be where we are right now. But as it is, I’m getting that money Dan. Hope you had fun last night.”

The water turned off in a bathroom and Dan’s breathing quickened.

“Do you have your gun?”

Dan paled. “ _No_.” He cried out. “We’ve never done things this way Harvey! Why now?” He pleaded, trying to reach out to the man that used to run these operations. Dan realized now that what they had been doing was always wrong, but they never killed, never truly threatened lives. Everyone went home in the end. There were already too many people not going to be doing that this time.

Phil stepped out the bathroom, now wearing a shirt. He smiled when he saw Dan and then instantly furrowed his brows in concern. “No.” Dan begged again.

“There he is now. Perfect. Pick up your gun.”

“Dan?” Phil called.

“No!” Dan held up his hand. He was talking to Phil and to Harvey at the same time. He pulled at his hair in turmoil.

“Don’t you dare tell him to run Dan.” Harvey warned. “There are other means of doing this. But you’ve been disloyal to me and I didn’t deserve it. Remember your parents Dan? Remember me s _aving_ you?”

“You can’t hold that against me forever!”

“Dan! What is happening?! Who’s on the phone?” Phil’s eyes went back and forth in bewilderment.

“Get the gun.” Harvey said through his teeth.

Dan let the phone drop to his side. He couldn’t meet Phil’s eyes as he spoke. “Phil, this is going to sound crazy. And you’re going to be confused and scared and I just want to tell you that I’m sorry. Please believe me, I am so sorry.” Tears fell from Dan’s eyes as he continued “For now just trust me okay? You said you trusted me with your life last night.” He said softly, hoping Harvey couldn’t hear his words. Finally Dan met Phil’s eyes.

“Dan you’re scaring me.”

“I know. And there’s something you need to do for me. This isn’t my wish okay? You have to know that too. I really do love you.”

“Dan…” Phil took a step backward and a shot of pain ripped through Dan.

“Where is the money your father gave you?”

Dan could hear Harvey yelling something into the phone but he didn’t pick it up.

“Dan…money?”

“Your father gave you money to invest! Where is it?!” Dan screamed desperately.

“There is no money.” Phil’s voice calmed and his shoulders dropped. He was lying. He wasn’t going to tell Dan.

“It means your life Phil. If…if he doesn’t get the money he’ll kill you.” A sob escaped Dan’s throat.

“Dan, there is no money.” Phil shook his head slowly and stood stalk still. Dan stepped over to the bed and reached under the pillow. His body trembled so much that he could barely grab the handle. This was Phil’s own good. It would save him, Dan told himself as he lifted the gun in front of him. Phil stepped back until his back hit a wall.

“Whoa! Whoa! What the hell?!”

“I’m so sorry Phil. But I promised myself I would protect you. Just like you protected me.” He whispered, not because he meant to but because it was all his voice would allow. “I _will_ protect you. But you have to give me that money. And then we’re gone, and you’ll never see us again. You’ll be safe and can move on.”

Phil didn’t look at the gun pointed at him. His eyes stayed on Dan’s, unmoving. The betrayal he felt glistened in his eyes and Dan had to look away for a moment. He knew this day was going to happen but there was no way he could prepare himself for the pain he felt right then.

“There is no money Dan.” Phil shook his head.

“W-what do you mean?” Dan asked, realizing that maybe Phil wasn’t lying…

“When I refused to go into Owen’s business, he took it away. I haven’t had that money for over a year. I don’t have a single cent of my step-fathers money.”

Dan stared blankly at him. The arm that held the gun dropped to his side. “W-well this is god. Yes this is good.” Dan nodded fervently. Phil watched him warily. Dan put the phone to his ear. “Harvey he doesn’t have the money. I swear, it’s gone. Owen took it away cause Phil wouldn’t go into the business. It’s not here Harvey.” Dan knew he sounded hopeful but he couldn’t help it. Everything was going to be okay. Phil didn’t have what Harvey needed.

“I don’t believe that.” Harvey said after a moment of silence. “I don’t believe that at all.”

Dan’s face fell. Phil searched his face looking for an explanation to his expression. “B-but it’s true. I promise it’s true.”

“How would you know that? You’re hearts involved Dan. That boy could tell you anything he wanted right now and you’d believe him. I want you to bring him downstairs. _I’ll_ have a talk with him.”

Dan paled and for a moment it was as if his heart stopped.

“Don’t make a scene. Just bring him down.”

“No.” Dan said simply.

“Excuse me?”

“I won’t do that Harvey. He’s useless to you. I can see the truth in his eyes. Trust me. I won’t bring him down for you.”

“Daniel. If you don’t find a way to bring that man down here to me, I will. And I’ll do it when you’re not there to keep him oh so safe.”

Dan’s throat constricted. He couldn’t breath and felt tears starting down his cheeks again. This couldn’t be happening. He thought desperately of another way to please Harvey and let Phil go. “Don’t take him, please Harvey.” Dan choked into the phone. “If you do, I won’t go to America with you. I won’t.” Dan stated matter of fact. “I’ll say here and you’ll have to worry about me turning you in.”

“You can’t black mail me boy.” Harvey wasn’t intimidated by Dan’s threat in the slightest. “You have five minutes to get him down here.” The call ended.

With shaking hands Dan slid the phone into his pocket. He gazed up at Phil who’s breathing seemed to have stilled. There was fear in his eyes now.

“You have to come downstairs Phil. I’m sorry. I’ll still protect you though, I promise. Noting bad ever happens. Nothing.” Dan mumbled more to himself than anything. “Trust me, please.”

“You obviously don’t want to do this Dan. Why not just let me go?” Phil negotiated.

“I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.” Dan paced in a circle. He stopped to look Phil in the eyes. “My boss has changed. I don’t know what he’d do. But if I’m with you I can protect you. If I don’t take you down there he’s going to come after you when I’m gone. He doesn’t believe that you don’t have the money. I’m sorry. He’ll understand soon though. He’ll give up soon. He knows he has to leave soon. Please, just come with me.”

“I’m not just going to walk down there and let myself get abducted from my own home.” Phil said plainly.

Before Dan knew what he was doing he was holding the gun back at Phil and walking towards him. All confidence left Phil’s face. Dan hated it, he hated every second of it and the expression Phil revealed to him made him want to vomit but it was for his own good. He didn’t know Harvey. In a couple of days Harvey would set him free and wouldn’t come after him again. That’s how it always went. Phil wouldn’t get hurt. He’d be stuck in a basement for a couple of days and that would be it.

“Don’t make a scene. Get downstairs. I won’t hurt you Phil, but Harvey will if you don’t comply. So please just listen.” Dan begged.

“What will happen if I go with you?” Phil asked quietly, already sounding defeated.

“I protect you. That’s what’s happens. I owe you, remember?”

With his gun tucked in his pants and his arm through Phil’s, they made their way downstairs and out the front door. Dan’s heart rate tripled as they passed the guards. He feared Phil would warn them somehow, but he did nothing. He walked beside Dan like a robot. That was until they were halfway down the driveway and Dan’s anxiety heightened. He tripped over his own feet only to have Phil catch him and haul back him.

“Thank you.” Dan mumbled and avoided his gaze. Phil didn’t respond, just kept walking. They turned the corner and Harvey was there. So were Dean and Lyle and for some reason this relieved Dan. Dean stepped forward, grabbing one of Phil’s arms and pushing him into the back seat of the car. Dan quickly followed, forcing himself in between the man and Phil so that he could sit beside him. Lyle and Harvey got in the front seat and they were off.

“Good boy.” Harvey smirked and looked at him in the rear view mirror. It made Dan sick and he looked away.

“You do it.” Dean said. Dan looked at him as he was handed a black material. “Over his head.” The man gestured. Dan sighed and turned toward Phil who looked from him to what was in his hands. Now that Dan wasn’t the only one in front of him Phil was far more terrified. He remained quiet and still, his side pressed against the door. He didn’t move as Dan gently placed the black sac over Phil’s head. He leaned forward against Phil’s ear.

“Shhh, be still and trust me.” He whispered.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the end is a bit choppy but I didn't know how to fix it!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil is abducted

Phil was taken to a place no other victim had been. Dan’s own home. Dan followed closely behind as Dean quietly lead Phil from the car inside. Once inside the cover was removed from his head and Dean let go of his arm. Phil looked cautiously around the apartment. Harvey came up from behind them. He slammed the door, causing Dan to jump. He whirled around on Dean who stood his ground against his boss’s angry stare.

“What the hell are you just letting him run free for?! Tie him up! You think this is a joke?” He spun around to glare at each person in the room. “500,000 pounds boys!” He slapped the wall and walked down the hall. Dan was surprised and unsettled to see him go into Dan’s room. He heard something slam against the wall, wood cracking.

“Dean, tie him up.” Lyle instructed.

“Sure.” Dean complied and briefly left Phil in the living room beside Dan and Lyle to grab a zip tie. They were treating this different than any other abduction. Dan realized with relieved clarity that they were on his side. They didn’t want to be a part of this either.

Dan watched carefully as Dean pulled Phil’s arms behind his back and tightened the zip. Suddenly he stepped forward, pushing Dean out of the way. “No, it’s too tight.” Dan insisted as he ran his finger beneath the strap. Dean shrugged and handed him the scissors and bag of ties. Dan quickly cut the band and redid it himself, this time putting Phil’s hands in front of him instead of behind. Phil didn’t so much as budge or flinch. His head hung low and he stared blankly at the floor. He seemed distant, lost.

More abrupt noises came from Dan’s room and he slunk down the hall to find out what was happening. Despite being quiet, Harvey knew he was standing there.

“Have you searched his pockets? Where’s his phone?” He demanded.

“Dean has it.” Dan watched as Harvey broke down his bed and shoved the mattress on end against the wall so that there was more room in the small space. “What…what are you doing?” Dan asked carefully.

Harvey stood, sweat dripping from his forehead. “This will be our prisoners room. We have to improvise, as I didn’t have time to find somewhere else. We’ll be gone from here soon enough anyway. Get me more rope.”

 

In just a matter of time Harvey had created a prison cell of Dan’s room. In the corner by the now boarded up window he screwed in a hook to the wall that kept Phil in a place. He couldn’t move but a few steps from the wall and standing was impossible. Harvey had disappeared into his room, leaving no one with instructions or explanation. Dan leaned against the wall just outside his bedroom. He listened to the occasional movement of Phil shuffling on the wood. _He must be so uncomfortable_. Dan thought. _And scared. And angry._

Dan stood and opened the pantry. He pulled out the thickest towel they had and held his breath as he went into his room. Phil didn’t look up when he came in. It wasn’t until Dan kneeled in front of him with the towel that he gazed up to acknowledge his existence. The look in his eyes was nothing like Dan had ever seen. Not in Phil and not in any of their other victims. Dan swallowed painfully. Phil was supposed to be happy. His only dream in life is to make others happy and Dan had ruined him. Suddenly giving him this towel to sit on was the most pointless attempt at making Phil’s situation better.

“Here. I…I brought you this to at least sit on.” He held the towel out to Phil who peered past it under his fringe and stared furiously at Dan. Dan looked away. “Please just take it.” Phil took the towel and set it beside him.

“Are you guys going to explain to me what’s going on exactly? Or is it normal to just let your victims rot for a while?”

“Nothing about this is normal.” Dan said honestly. He didn’t tell him that normally their victims were held down in cold basements and tied far more uncomfortably.

Phil scoffed. “Did you have that gun on you the whole time?” Phil looked away from Dan as if not sure he wanted to hear the answer.

“No. Today is only the second day I’ve had it. Harvey…he insisted I take it for self defense after that night on the way to the movie.”

Phil’s brows furrowed as he analyzed this new information. “This was a set up from the beginning.” He stated sadly. His voice was almost too quiet for Dan to hear. “Everything has been a lie.” He wasn’t talking to Dan but a stab went through his heart anyway.

“Not all of it. I love you Phil. That’s the truth. When you saved me from the person that mugged me, that was a set up. But he really did hurt me and in another way, you really did save me. I didn’t expect this. It just happened. I fell in love with you.”

Phil’s eyes burned hatred as he met Dan’s again.

“Do you honestly think I can believe a single word you say? I believed everything Dan.”

“It’s true though. It was different with you!” Dan was desperate. Phil needed to know that his feelings, that wasn’t a lie. “It wasn’t supposed to happen this way!”

“Well, if you weren’t abducting people, things like that wouldn’t happen.” Phil hissed. “The girl a couple days ago that came up to us. Who was she? One of your victims?”

Dan swallowed, tears coming to his eyes. He nodded slowly. “Her name is Sophia. Harvey took her a couple weeks ago. But I wasn’t part of that! No one was!” Dan leaned closer so he could whisper. “He’s lost it Phil. That’s why things have gone so badly but we never hurt anyone. Never. I promise.”

Phil laughed harshly and sat back against the wall. “That’s not the point Dan.” He shook his head. “Do I look _uninjured_ to you? Tell me Dan, do I look _unaffected_?” His eyes watered over and he looked away in embarrassment as a tear ran down his cheeks that he couldn’t wipe away.

Dan’s body sagged. “You’re right. I’ll…I’ll leave you now.” Dan walked from the room but stopped to say one last thing. “I’m so sorry Phil.”

 

Dan sat in the living room staring at floor trying to feel nothing. Harvey had come out and was pacing the living room.

“Maybe he doesn’t have the money but we can still get something.” Harvey stopped pacing suddenly and charged down the hall. This awakened Dan from his numbness and he quickly got to his feet to follow. HE got into the room just as Harvey grabbed Phil, who’d been quietly leaning against the corner, and yanked him to his knees. Phil gasped and Dan’s heart raced as he looked from Harvey to his victim.

“If you don’t have that money then surely you know where your father keeps it.”

Phil coughed and shook his head. “He never tells me anything. He hates me as much as I hate him.”

“A parent hating their child?” Harvey said disbelieving.

“Step-parent. He’s never loved me. I’ve always been in the way.”

“Shut up.” Harvey demanded.

“It’s impossible. You have to know something.”

“He doesn’t Harvey. I promise.” Dan added. “I’ve seen Owen. He’s not a nice man. I doubt he’s told Phil anything, ever.”

“Shut up!” Harvey whirled around and yelled at Dan. He’d never acted this way. It terrified Dan and all he wanted was for the man to let Phil’s arm go. He didn’t trust his hands on him. Harvey turned back to Phil. “Your father, he’s a business man. He knows people. He has to save face. If we alert the media that you’re here, he’ll pay.”

“He won’t. He wouldn’t pay a dime to save me.” Phil said.

“It’s true. I don’t think he’d pay to get Phil back.” Dan said, trying to back up what Phil said even if he wasn’t certain what Owen would and wouldn’t do for Phil.

“Wouldn’t pay to get you back huh” Harvey laughed. “Sounds like someone else I know.” He shoved Phil away from him. He searched his face for several moments. Phil bravely stared back at him. “I feel like you’re hiding something. You’re too calm. Why aren’t you screaming? Why aren’t you struggling? I haven’t heard a peep from you all day.”

Dan could practically feel the energy in the room heating up with Harvey’s anger. He stepped forward, ready to get between him and Phil. The last thing he expected was for the man to abruptly reach behind him and grab Dan’s wrist. Dan gasped as he was yanked forward.

“You might have to back out to the world. But he doesn’t.” Harvey pointed at Dan who tried to yank himself away. “He betrayed us you know. For _you_.” The grip on Dan’s arm tightened until he thought it was going to snap. “No one even knows you exist Dan. To the world you’re dead. I _saved_ you and this is how you repay me!” Suddenly the hold on his arm was gone and at first he was relieved. Then something hit him on the side of the head and next thing he knew he was on the ground. He could hear Phil calling his name but Dan was too shocked to move. Pain blossomed in his skull and he tried to get to his feet. The grip returned to his arm and he was briefly pulled up before slammed back down to the ground. His head hit the floor and everything went black.

 

“Dan, Dan wake up. Dan get up.”

Dan felt like he was dreaming. Only…in dreams you weren’t supposed to be able to feel pain.

“Dan, please, please wake up.”

The voice saying his name echoed in his head, vibrating and making the pain worse. Something kept touching his leg, poking at it insistently. He just wanted to lay there, he just wanted to go back to blackness.

“No, no, Dan don’t go back to sleep.” The voice begged desperately. “You’re bleeding Dan, you need to get up.” There was a grunt and then the prodding became more of a shove.

Dan groaned and peeled his eye lids open. The room was dark. He could see shapes and shadows.

“There you go.”

“Phil?”

“Yeah, it’s me. Look, you’ve been laying there for a long time and you need to get up. Your head is bleeding. I…I think everyone is gone. But he’s going to be back soon and…and I think he’s going to hurt you again.”

“Me…?” Dan slowly lifted his head, wincing when pain shot through it. It felt as though a boulder was in his skull. “Why did he hurt me?” Dan asked himself aloud.

“To get me to talk. He thought it would make me give him some kind of information but I don’t anything about where Owen keeps his money. I really don’t Dan.”

“I-I know. I never thought you did.” Dan was finally in a sitting position facing Phil, though his coherency wasn’t quite there. He reached up to where the pain was coming from and his fingers came away wet.

“There’s not much but you are bleeding.”

“He’s never hurt me before.” Dan mumbled. His eyes suddenly widened. “Did he hurt you?” His scooted over to Phil and scanned his body in the limited lighting for injuries.

“No, I’m fine.”

“Thank god.” Dan sighed heavily and closed his eyes. The pain subsided in the darkness behind his lids. He needed to sleep… “Where…where are they?”

“One guy came in to check on you when he heard you fall but Harvey told him to leave and kicked both of them out of the house. A few minutes later he left too but I heard him say he’d be back soon.”

Dan nodded, feeling himself drift off into another world.

“Don’t fall asleep. You probably have a concussion.”

Dan thought about the last time he’d had a head ache like this. Phil was sitting beside him in an alley trying to keep him awake. The memory was worse than the physical suffering he felt now.

“Dan, can I ask you a question?”

Dan hummed.

“Why did he say that you’re dead to the world, that no one knows you exist?”

Dan opened his eyes and gazed at Phil. “Because it’s true.” Flashbacks of playing in his front yard and then being hauled away by a stranger came back to him. He remembered screaming and crying as a young child while Harvey drug him downstairs in a dark, cold place and locked him in a dog kennel. The memory made his race to this day. The terror that had gone through his young mind. He hated remembering those seven days he spent curled up into himself. “Harvey kidnapped me when I was seven years old.” It was something Dan very much tried to forget. He preferred to imagine that he’d gone into this willingly. “I’m a victim too.” Dan said sadly. “That’s how it started anyway. One minute I was playing in the front yard and the next I was in a van, and then a basement. I waited and waited and Harvey told me that my parents would be there soon to pick me up. But Phil, they never came. My parents never responded to the ransom. Harvey didn’t know what to do with me after that so he just…kept me. Got this wonderful idea to use me to lure people in.”

“And you’ve been doing that ever since?”

Dan nodded. “To the world, I’m dead. I’ve been doing this a long time Phil but I never meant for things to like this. I know I don’t deserve it, I’ve done a lot of horrible things, but Phil, please do this one last thing for me.” Dan pleaded. “Please believe me. I do love you. From the moment I told you I loved you. And I’m going to get you out of here. And you’ll never have to see my face again.”

 

Dan had finally managed standing and brought Phil water, which he happily drank. A few minutes later the front door opened and Dan’s heart flipped. He sat in the opposite corner as Phil and listened as the footsteps came down the hall.

“Dan?”

Dan relaxed at the sound of Lyles voice. He stood to meet him at his rooms doorway.

“Oh thank god you’re okay.” Lyle sighed and rubbed at his face. “When I heard…I just…and then he made us leave.” He saw the blood on Dan’s head and shook his head. “I’m done. He’s completely lost his mind and I’m done. There’s no time to pack but grab a couple things and I’m taking you two out of here.”

 

Two hours later of driving in somber silence and Lyle notified them that they were almost there. Dan hadn’t asked where he was taking them. He also hadn’t said a word to Phil the entire way. He’d watched the way Phil rubbed at the thin cut around his wrists. He’d listened to the way his breath would occasionally come out in a shudder.

Dan hadn’t taken the time to fix up his head. It was still damp with blood and there was a pounding there that wouldn’t go away but he didn’t care. All that mattered was the Phil was out.

“He won’t come after you.” Dan said hoarsely.

Phil turned to him, studying his expression.

“He sent me and Lyle and Dean out to do the work for a reason. He’s lost everything and he’s leaving for America. He won’t come after you. You’re safe.”

Phil only nodded. His fingers twitched as if debating on whether or not to touch Dan. Dan ached for that touch and when Phil drew his hand back, Dan felt hot tears burn behind his eyes. Of course he was still angry at Dan. He probably always would be. He might even hate Dan. Dan knew he deserved every negative, murderous thought Phil had toward him. The last thing he deserved was a comforting touch from this wonderful, beautiful man.

Lyle pulled into an empty parking lot behind what looked to be an abandoned building.

“We’re in Manchester Dan. I don’t know where you can go from here but it’s far enough way that I don’t think he’ll come looking for you.”

“This is fine. Thank you, Lyle.”

“Is he going to come after you?” Phil asked.

“I don’t know.” He didn’t imagine so but Harvey had become unpredictable. He couldn’t be sure of anything.

“Where do you want me to take Phil?” Lyle asked.

Dan turned to Phil who stared back at him with a look of worry. Dan thought he even saw longing there but it was probably just because he wanted to see it. He wanted to pretend that Phil wouldn’t be glad to have him out of his life. That he really did still love him.

“Far, far away from me.” Dan opened the door, grabbing the backpack of the few belongings he’d managed to stuff in there. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am Phil. But I love you. I love you so freaking much and I hope you can find happiness after all of this.” Phil swallowed and his eyes moistened. He didn’t say anything in return and instead turned his face away. Pain spread through Dan. He savored the feeling. He made sure to ingrain the despaired look on Phil’s face into his memory. This agony would fuel and feed him. “Goodbye Phil.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously, it's not goodbye. I wouldn't leave it like that ;) I'm going to admit that I didn't have much fun writing this chapter. Probably because i was so anxious and excited to write the last one. Forgive me! Feed me your thoughts!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Mentions of attempted suicide and quite a bit of angst

**Four Years Later**

 

It was always at this time of year that Phil found himself sat at this table in a Manchester restaurant. He always got the same drink and sat at the same table. He always had an ache in his chest, though over the years it had dulled. His breath created condensation on the window as winter had officially set in. His fingers drummed slowly on the table and inhaled his caramel macchiato. He’d only taken a couple of sips though. He was anxious today. His semi-annual tradition always did this to him. The drink was just a distraction. It wasn’t working today. He sighed as he stared out the window and played with the corners of an envelope in his hand.

Across the street from the small coffee shop he sat at was a bakery. And behind that bakery, visible clearly from his vantage point, was the reason he came here twice a year.

Dan sat on a blanket under an awning that protruded from behind the brick building. Another blanket wrapped around his shoulders and draped across his lap. He wore a fluffy grey hat and still he shivered. Manchester was not being kind to it’s homeless victims. The dull ache in Phil’s chest sharpened as guilt wracked his insides. He always felt this way for the first few minutes that his eyes found Dan. Then memories of the two of them eating ice cream, kissing in a park, laying on Phil’s bad and challenging each other to Mario Kart would flood his mind. Beside them were images of himself, a gun pointed at his face, Dan yelling and crying and shaking, tied to a wall in a dark room, a man screaming in his face, the same man pummeling Dan into the cold floor. The betrayal that had punched him in the heart and agony that made him nauseous. Those memories always made the guilt dissipate. It was replaced with anger and sadness.

Dan was staring at his lap, messing with something in his hands that Phil couldn’t see. Of course he looked so calm today. He wasn’t expecting Phil until tomorrow, which is when he normally sat here at his table.

The first time Phil saw Dan after Lyle had dropped him off here on that day was just a few months later. He’d already been nervous about coming to Manchester knowing it was possible Dan was somewhere in this city. He’d moved out shortly after the whole ordeal. Got his own apartment in London and supported himself with his ever-growing YouTube and Radio career. He’d come to Manchester that day to meet an old friend he hadn’t seen in years. They’d come right to this coffee shop. At first Phil had been happily talking to his friend. Then he’d looked out the window, a smile on his face and spotted a familiar figure standing against the wall of this bakery. His smile had faded, and his throat constricted as the person turned, seemingly looking directly at Phil. It was Dan. He was unkept and skinny and lethargic looking. He was barely recognizable but Phil would know him anywhere.

That night Phil had stayed in a hotel near by and came back to the coffee shop the next day. He needed to make sure that he wasn’t going crazy. Sure enough, as he watched out the window he saw Dan sitting in the same spot he would be for the next three years.

At that time Phil’s anger, pain, and agony was still so fresh. But for the next few days he’d come to that same spot and just watched the person he loved struggling to survive. He quickly noticed that Dan was being fed at least somewhat by the owner of the bakery store. It was a blond women in her thirties. Every evening she would bring him out some pastries. She had a kind smile and Dan was always so appreciative. She’d bring him a glass of water and milk too. He’s savor the treats and sip on the milk as though it were a delicacy. Despite Phil’s anger, he felt shame too. Here he was living in a nice apartment with heating and food and a TV and Dan was living off bread and milk in an alley. It had made Phil feel ill. He couldn’t face Dan. There was no way. He went back home after a few days but couldn’t get Dan out of his head. The wounds had been so new and seeing him again only ripped them wider. Dan’s condition got to him eventually though and he knew he couldn’t live with himself if he didn’t do something. 

A month later he returned with a small box. It held soap, a razor, toothbrush, toothpaste, almonds, protein shakes, socks, a fluffy hat, and an envelope of cash. It wasn’t nearly all that Dan needed but it was something. He sat in his coffee shop anxiously bouncing his leg. He waited until Dan had left his spot behind the bakery. Once he was out of view Phil made his move. He went across the street and set the box under the pile of blankets. He quickly made his way back to his table inside and waited.

Dan didn’t come back for some time. Long enough for Phil’s nerves to settle. Eventually though, the boy returned and sat down on the blankets. He must have sat on the box because he quickly to his feet and yanked the blanket up. His eyes widened and he looked around him. Curiosity quickly got the best of him and he opened the box. A smile played a Phil’s lips as Dan carefully pulled out each item and inspected it. He’d put a pair of the new socks on almost immediately. He seemed unsure about taking the money which Phil thought was interesting but stuck it in his pant pocket carefully. He sat cross legged on his bed and the spent the rest of the day watching people go up and down the nearby sidewalk looking for the person that had done this.

And so it became a tradition. Every six months, on the same day in summer and winter Phil would bring an envelope of money and occasionally something extra. One time he’d brought him a new blanket. It was heavy and warm and would aid Dan through the winter. Another time during the summer he’d brought him a water bottle and Maltesers. The look of absolute pleasure that had come across Dan’s face at the site of the chocolate brought a smile to Phil’s face even now.

Dan caught on to the routine after the third time. He began waiting for Phil on those days. He’d refuse to move from this spot. But Phil wouldn’t leave his gifts if Dan was there. He wasn’t ready to face the boy. He still hurt.

Phil always waited until Dan came back so he could watch the boys expression when he saw the envelope. At first Dan reacted with calm appreciativeness. But after two years of this Dan changed. He grew angry. Phil had watched in horror as the boy screamed in the alley. He couldn’t hear the words but he knew they were directed to him. Eventually the anger turned to despair. Dan would collapse onto the blankets and sob into his hand as he gripped onto the envelope with animosity.

That was the look on Dan’s face today. The way he stared at his lap with a kind of surrender. Phil hadn’t seen that expression before. But maybe it was because he’d never come early. Phil suspected Dan knew who was leaving the money for him. Maybe it was just becoming a horrible reminder for Dan. Maybe Phil wasn’t helping him anymore…

Phil was leaving in a couple of days for a meeting in New York and so he’d had to come early this year.

He scratched nervously at his coffee cup. At least by coming early he wouldn’t have to sit there waiting for Dan finally have to go to the bathroom or something. Dan had become quite good at waiting Phil out. One time Phil had to stay for three days before Dan finally gave him an opportunity to leave the envelope. He’d been furious when he returned to his spot to find the envelope.

Phil straightened as Dan pushed the blankets from around his shoulders and stood. Dan took all the blankets and folded them neatly against the building. Phil furrowed his brows. He’d never done that before. Dan took a few minutes to stare at the neat pile before turning and starting down the sidewalk.

Phil didn’t have to wonder where Dan was going. He’d learned over the years that often Dan enjoyed sitting atop a high bridge and looking out over the vast view of the city and water. Phil had watched him do this a couple of times and figured this was something he must do quite regularly.

Once Dan had turned the corner Phil waited a few more minutes, just to be sure he wasn’t coming back too soon. He got up from his seat, went out the café’s door, and jogged across the street. He kneeled down and carefully slid the envelope under a couple layers so it was out of site. Then he returned to his post and waited. And waited. And _waited_.

Phil began shuffling in his seat uncomfortably. What was taking Dan so long to return? He was never gone this long. _That’s on the days he’s expecting you_ , Phil reminded himself.

Eventually Phil had to go find him. He threw his cold drink away and walked briskly in the cold air to the bridge that was about half a mile away. It wasn’t a very well used bridge. It was old and traffic, both people and cars, didn’t come this way very often. It didn’t take long to spot Dan. He was leaning against the railing, a breeze blowing the hair out of his face. He wasn’t shivering anymore and he had a sort of relaxed expression. Phil stopped moving towards him, keeping his distance. He watched from a distance but was close enough to see Dan close his eyes and let out a long sigh.

Suddenly Dan was removing his coat. Phil was taken aback and shivered at just the thought of exposing his skin to this air. Dan gripped the railing until his knuckles were white. They had to be numb after touching that frozen metal.

For a moment Dan smiled and Phil saw a familiar boy in him. A younger, naïve version of him. The same boy he’d supposedly saved that day in the alley. It was a smile that still managed to make him look broken, hurt, unsure, and shy. It was that apprehensiveness that Phil had originally been drawn to. His timid nature that shown through multiple times throughout their relationship. And over time Phil had seen Dan grow more confident, more sure. But it didn’t matter how confident he became, at Phil’s touch the boy would melt and give him full control. He trusted Phil. Despite all that had been happening behind the scenes unbeknownst to him, Dan trusted Phil. He’d loved Phil. No amount of the boys acting could have hidden that from his face and actions.

Phil still loved Dan. It was why he came back to provide for him, to check up on him physically and emotionally. He just couldn’t let go.

Dan tightened his grip even more so on the railing and Phil froze in horror as he watched the boy, his love, step over the bar and brace his back against it. He stared fearlessly down at the ground beneath. The ground that would certainly kill him if he fell or…jumped. Phil realized abruptly what Dan was about to do. He thought back to the surrendered look on Dan’s face earlier, the way he stared blankly. He was going to kill himself today. And if Phil didn’t do something, he was going to have to see it.

The whole situation became suddenly and painfully clear to Phil. If it had been any other time, Phil would have come tomorrow. A day too late. He wouldn’t know until Dan’s heart had already stopped. But it wasn’t too late. He was right there, just some little ways away.

Dan took a step away from the railing. He wasn’t looking back, he wasn’t going to rethink this for even a second. It took that tragic step for Phil to realize that he’d forgiven Dan a long time ago.

Phil burst forward. Adrenaline and fear surged through him. He’d never run so fast and desperately in his life. He stopped abruptly just a few feet from where Dan stood. His lungs heaved and his heart pounded. The realization that he was about to confront Dan for the first time in four years locked his feet in place. His heart fought with the memories his mind conjured. But that was the past. He opened his mouth to speak, his lips suddenly dry and his voice weak.   

“Please.” Phil managed. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Please! Please don’t.” His throat choked on the tears that lodged there.

Dan didn’t look at him. He seemed to have not heard Phil at all. After a few seconds though he shook his head and took another step forward. _He doesn’t know it’s me, he doesn’t know its me!_ Phil realized abruptly. How could he? He hasn’t seen or heard from him.

“I forgive you! Dan, please, I forgive you.” Phil was able to move then. He took two steps forward and prepared to reach out.

But the move wasn’t necessary. Dan stilled. Phil could see the pulse in his temple. Slowly Dan turned to look at him. When their eyes met all the air in Phil’s lungs left. Any feelings of anger left his body at once. Staring directly into Dan’s eyes he could see the guilt and anger he’d held in his own heart all this time. Phil saw a reflection of himself even.

Tears came to Dan’s pain-stricken eyes and slipped down his cheeks.

“I forgive you and I’m so sorry.”

“You…you never let me see you. You just gave me money and _left_.” The anguish was so obvious in Dan’s voice that Phil couldn’t hold back his own tears.

“Oh Dan, I know. I was weak. I was angry. I’m sorry.” Phil realized that Dan was still standing just inches from death. “Please come over the railing. Please.” He pleaded with a sob. He held out his hand for Dan to take. He didn’t take it but he leapt over the railing and stood before Phil.

“I waited Phil. I waited every time. I gave you so many opportunities and you refused to even speak to me. Do you realize what that did to me? How confused I’ve been? I knew it was you all along but I couldn’t figure out _why._ Why would you come, give me these…these…gifts as though you still cared for me but then never once show your face.”

“I-I’m a coward.” Phil squeaked.  “I didn’t know what to say. But Dan I watched you. I made sure you were safe and warm. I smiled whenever you’d take the money and spend a night at a hotel to clean up and get a hair cut and get a good meal. It made me feel better to see you in newer clothes and hydrated. I couldn’t speak to you yet but I could make sure you were okay.”

Dan let his head drop to his chest. He fumbled with his shirt. Phil grabbed the coat that still hung over the railing and slid it over Dan’s shoulders. Dan didn’t react. He sniffed and spoke quietly. “I thought you hated me.”

The words were a punch to Phil’s gut. “Oh no. That wasn’t the case at all.” Phil lifted Dan’s chin with his fingers. “I’ve never hated you. I love you. I haven’t stopped loving you. I just…it took a while for everything to come together. I was hurt Dan. And it took me a long time to forgive not only you but myself.”

Dan looked up at that. “Yourself?”

“Yes, of course. I just left you Dan. That day Lyle dropped you off here. I let you just walk away from the car without a word. You have no idea how much I regret that moment. I play it over it my head again and again.”

Dan looked amazed at this.

“How could you even think I deserved a single word from you?”

“You did though Dan.” Phil said softly.

“You…you’ve given me so much over the years Phil. But you can stop now. I’m okay, really.”

Phil scoffed. “You don’t honestly think I’m just going to leave you here now do you?”

Dan furrowed his brows and Phil smiled at him, wanting so badly to kiss him right then. But it wasn’t the time. Their wounds had healed but the scars were still there. It would take time before they faded.

“I can never repay you for everything you’ve done Phil. Never. I certainly don’t deserve your forgiveness, even if it’s what I’ve needed from the beginning.” Dan wiped the wetness from his cheeks and a sly smile pulled at his lips. “But I want to thank you some way. Can I take you out for coffee?”

Phil smiled. Dan had the same timid look on his face as he did the first time he spoke those words to Phil. Only this time, Phil knew those feelings were real. He pulled Dan into a hug and kept him tight against him. He never wanted to let go. And he never would.

“I think that would be nice.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my favorite chapter to write. It was the reason for the story really. I truly hope you've enjoyed this fic. Thanks all for the comments and kudos! Don't judge me based off this one fic though. I'll be honest, my heart and soul wasn't in this one as it was in all my others. Maybe I shouldn't admit that but that's kind of the nice part about being part of a fandom right? You can admit those things so thanks for everyone's support of this anyway. If you want to read one that I truly immersed myself in check out Powerless or perhaps Colors in You. And Slave Boy. Whichever suits your fancy ;)


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